I am also going to ask my dds worker if she can find me a job other places too, I really want to help out the disabled. I miss helping them out, when I helped them out I forgot that I was disabled and I need that again. I really miss it and I really want it back, and I know that Lacy won't like me going to work. She gets so excited when I come home from some where, her tail wags and she goes nuts. She's so cute, at nights she needs to watch my mom put me in bed and when Steph works she needs to watch her get me out of bed. When Steph is making the bed she needs to give her a cookie because if she doesn't than she doesn't let Steph make the bed and she thinks she's helping but she really isn't. When Matt came on Sunday he said "if your ears were any bigger and if your tail was alittle longer you could fly" and it's true. My mom said that she needs a bath so tomorrow I will get the right kind of shampoo and then Steph will give her a bath. When she's all wet she jumps on my lap and shakes herself on me and I get wet and I'm also going to buy her a new out fit too and take a new picture. Mary loves new picture's of her, I have them all over my room and on the door.Another thing she loves to do is spread all her toys every where and she reminds me of a kid how they spread all their toys and when Steph picks them up she spreads them all over again.
I met with Ann and she said that they don't have the funding for shared living right now, but she is going to get my job back at the arc. I was telling her how I miss helping out there. She said I would be good working with money skills, writing skills. I can bring my old fill in puzzles and work with the clients with the fill in puzzles. I liked helping them and all the clients miss me when they see me they say "we miss you" and it makes me feel wanted and needed when they say that. I will be happy if I get my job back and help them out, it makes me feel good about myself. The clients see me every where and they want me back so I guess that's where I belong
, Steph doesn't like going to the library or barns noble and I wish that did. I love reading, I read like there is no tomorrow. Steph likes to go to parks and she thinks reading is boring, she doesn't like doing the puzzle books either but when I had Siira and Dale they loved going to barns and noble and the library. I am hoping that I can get more pca hours so that I can get some one here on Saturday. It's not fair for Steph that she needs to do all my showers and everything and in August my mom stopped taking out my trash and she only does easy things and I need to help Steph out too she can't do everything it's not fair for her. When Jorma wasn't in our lives she was more compassionate towards me but he changed her and Steph was reading my dad's journals and even Steph noticed that she was more compassionate when my dad was alive. Cancer doesn't just take one person it takes the whole family!I was telling Ellen and Ann that my spasms are getting worse and on Monday I go see the botox doctor and I am hoping that she can give me botox. I need it, I am so spastic and I am so uncomfortable and my tone is worse too, I had these roho things on my foot plate but my tone has pushed them all off and I wish my spasms weren't this strong. My back hurts the most and I am always in pain, I got trigger point shots so hopefully I can start those again too. The botox hurts, I get 3 in my back, 3 in my left arm, 3 in each leg. When I was on an anti depressant it did damage to my hand and I remember when Miia found out I got off the anti depressant she didn't like it. When I am on the anti depressant I don't do anything and I don't have any motivation to do anything I just want to sit there and I don't read or do anything. I will only use Lacy and God as my anti depressants them two are better anti depressants. I am hoping that the doctor can give me botox right now my back is spasming I forgot to take my afternoon medication so that's why it's spasming. I miss having a boyfriend when my body would go into a spasm and Chris would be on the phone with me he would say "you need to stay calm" I need to be reminded to stay relaxed when my body starts to go into a spasm it's hard to stop it. When I was at Ellen's I had one and Ellen and Ann they were telling me to keep calm. After Ellen's, I was telling Steph that I want to go to a cottage when it's around Christmas and have a bunch of girls and we'll probably have a chocolate and snow ball fight. In July when Lauren slept over we were up until 2am and we had so much fun and I want to have another girl's weekend. I will call Dawn tomorrow and let her know so she can come too. My mom said if we go to Maine and have fun there and I am sure that we will have allot of fun. Steph will get her friends to come with us too and we'll have allot of fun and get out of our boring town
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