a bunch of things

It must be nice to be Maiju, Miia, Suvi, my mom and Jorma  and Stephanie they have someone. I miss having a boyfriend, I wish that Chris would tell me what I did wrong but he's to childish along with Jorma. Every boyfriend I get they always leave or are to immature and I'm sick of it, I want to be someone else. Maiju is in the hospital and my mom is calling her in July when I was in the hospital for my swallowing she didn't come and it hurt me allot. She'll do anything for my sisters and Jorma when it comes to me she kind of ignores me and yes she does do allot for me but I wish that she would hang out with me and take me shopping but she says that's what I have Stephanie for. I feel rejected by her and really unwanted. When I had Chris he really helped me and that's all I wanted to say to him was thank you, you helped me allot. But two weeks ago when I went to visit him he wouldn't even give me a chance and he said "I'll call you later" but he never did. But he is having sex and I don't want that, I want a guy who will take me out have fun with me, go to church with me, read the bible with me and watch a movie with me. Chris told me that I'm into God to much, but when I wasn't walking with God I was swearing, drinking and doing all these bad things. Dawn told me the last night of shake a leg I wanted to take a guy home with me and they had to stop me, I guess I wanted to have sex with him. Later did I know that I would be a born again Christian and I would stop drinking and swearing. I remember going to the coffee house I wanted to go drinking that night but God had different plans for me and I am glad he did. I never want to go back to that life style always swearing and drinking even though my mom said I never got drunk and I only drank  a little
Jorma told Stephanie "you can go wash the baby bottles in the sink", I am sick of him putting me down. I don't like drinking out of these water bottles but without them I spill. I wish that my sisters would see that part to him but they never will they only see the nice part to him. I don't get why one day he's so friendly towards me then the next day he's not, it makes me feel bad about myself and I don't like living here I can't anymore. My mom just talks on the phone, watches TV or does other things. I miss my dad, when he was alive my family wasn't in these groups and now we are and I hate it. Stephanie was out with her friend Janet last night until 2 but she can't do an over night with me because I stay up to late, and I guess that Chad and her are planning on getting married he really loves her. I can't handle another wedding, it's to much for me I can't go to another wedding. Chad told Stephanie that she can move into his moms little apartment until they get married and when I herd that it made me sad, how every guy I date they always end up as losers anyway and it gets frustrating too.
The movie director wants to me to think of how I want to do my movie, I know I will need find the right people who play my roles and then find the right Sam, Dale, Robin. In 2007 my mom and Jorma went to Florida Dale had a bible study and she left me with Sam, and we got the idea of putting toilet paper and shaving cream all over her van and we also put on the back of her van "Just Married" when Dale came back from bible study that night she laughed so hard. I always tell her that I have a halo but no one believes me, I like to have clean fun and I like to live too :). I will have to do allot of thinking and the girl who ever plays me she will need to spend allot of time with me so I can show her how I live. When I go to the grocery store I can reach something but I can't reach allot. The things that I can reach I do, but if I'm alone I ask someone in the store or if I'm with Stephanie. So tomorrow when I am with Stephanie I will need to think of a way of doing my movie and I know that allot of people will be inspired by my movie. But that's what I want people to be inspired I know that even on my blogs people are inspired by my faith and the things that I go through but I always keep the faith even when it's rough :)
I really hope that my nurse can convince my mom to get the hospital bed, it would make both of our lives easier. I could still do my quotes and bible verses and sit in bed. As I've said before my bed now isn't really good and when I get into bed I always need to pull a sheet and it's not easy for me to transfer into it and I can tell it hurts my moms back. Last night I stayed on my back the whole night and Stephanie was late because she was with her friend until 2am, when my mom got me out of bed my back was hurting. I know the classes at Monty Tech are probably full in their social worker classes, but if I am meeting with Ellen my therapist hopefully I will be meeting with Ann my dds worker and I am going to ask her if dds would pay for a class.  Now that I have the cathter I can go more places myself and I wouldn't need a pca to go with me when I go to class. I always needed to do them online and that got boring because I didn't get any human contact. I would go back to the Mount but I need to take English and do those before I can get into the classes and if I go into Monty Tech I can get into the classes faster. I want to make sure that public school doesn't take people like myself out of MHS, I use to be able to do every thing myself. I don't like to depend on others and in this house when I go into the bathroom it's so small and it's not easy to turn around in, so when I go brush my teeth I always need to go in forwards and come out backwards and it's really weird. When I was in my manual wheelchair I could turn around in it easier. I know tomorrow I need to get a referral from my primary doctor so that Chris the wheelchair guy can order me a new power chair. That day won't be easy because when I see my power chair it does upset me, when I was in my manual chair I could get out of my chair when I wanted and now I always need to ask and that gets annoying. But then the good part to the power chair is that I can go places such as the library, church, and when I go shopping I don't need to be pushed around I can go myself. So it has it's good part and it's bad part to it and I guess that's how life is it comes with good and bad too.