God is Good!

I'm so happy right now, I don't miss my dad right now he would go find Matt and he would say "so you're the one my daughter likes".  Matt remembers when FHS didn't want to give me my high school diploma they said that I'll never get any where in life because I'm disabled. But non of them really took the time to get to know me, they were so busy looking at my disabilities and not the real me. I hated that whole year I would fall asleep in the classes and I am thankful that Matt and Dave were able to get my diploma. I am hoping that this works out with Matt and I, he  lives right down the street from me too. So it's easy for me and I know that he works on week days but on Saturday's and Sunday's I could have him come over. I am hoping to hang out with him tomorrow, and he sent me a text saying that he missed me and that made me smile huge! I really need someone in my life, I go through all these struggles in my life aren't easy, dealing with the pain and spasm and being the only disabled one and how the world only looks at my disabilities and wheelchair. Yesterday at walmart this lady just randomly touched my hand and she scared me and she looked at me like "shouldn't you be with someone".
Tonight I am going to barns and noble and I need to start writing my movie out, so that they can start making it. If I see Dave and Shawn there I am going to tell them that they are going to be a huge roll in it. They helped me so much that whole year and I am so thankful for them. At my IEP, my mom and sister Maiju agreed with FHS that I wouldn't get any where in life. October 2004 my mom and Maiju wanted to put me in a day program but I wasn't going to learn anything, it's sad how they just want to get rid of me and not do any thing with me, it makes me sad. Some times I stutter and my mom doesn't have the patience for that and it's not my fault. I wish she had more patience with me, even in the mornings when my body is spasming she wants to get me in my chair so quickly or she wants to get me in bed so quickly. I need to move out and I am not sure that I will add all that goes on here in the movie because even if I've moved on my family will get upset because of what was shown to the world. It's sad that she doesn't want to do anything with me and yes I like when she gives me money but she doesn't believe in me. When the enemy took my dad 12 years ago, he took my whole family and just as my family was getting back together he sent Jorma. That's another reason why Matt will be good, because on really hard days he can cheer me up and make me feel better about myself like Chris would. I don't think that FHS was a mistake because I would have never met Matt but they could have focused more on my pt. The life skills program was so boring, I would fall asleep in the classes and I hated the classes, and the teachers would mark down my spasms too.  
I went to barns and noble to get out of this house I need it once a week, it gets boring here and there is nothing to do here. My mom doesn't spend time with me and he jut watches her Finnish news on Saturday nights with Jorma and I get stuck in my room. I did call Ann my dds worker so hopefully she can get me out of here soon. It's odd watching Jorma walking around in his boxers and my mom in a short night gown and if my drink falls than she gets upset. I had a drink in the van and it fell and he got bent all out of shape and if a drink falls and she needs to pick it up she doesn't like that. But it's not my fault if something falls. I aw Shawn tonight at barns and noble and I said "I got a Christian movie director and I am putting you and Dave and everyone else who helped me get my high school diploma" and he said "thank you". I like getting out of the house once a week it gives me something else to do and not do the same thing every night. I am sad that Dale doesn't go there anymore, she use to go there but she has a job now and she no longer goes there, I did see her in August but that was the last time I saw her and I try to go every Friday night to give me something else to do than sit here all the time and my mom doesn't interact with me she's busy with her life and all the people who she's picked to be in her life and sadly I'm not one of them and I need to move, when we came home she just said "I'm going for a shower"
My mom asked me if I was going to cross roads this Sunday and I said "no". I don't want to go there because I know how all the people feel about me. They don't want me there. When Stephanie did VBS in July and I was going there for the final night one person said "why should she come here? she is a distraction to everyone here". In July when I went there Jay the main usher kicked me out because he didn't want me there and no one misses me and they don't ask about me either. I don't want to go to a place where I'm not needed or wanted, I'm already not needed or wanted in my own home so why go some where else where I am not needed or wanted their either?. Today when Stephanie was doing my shower I was telling her that my mom should do some of my showers and do my laundry but she told Stephanie that she won't. I feel bad that Stephanie needs to do my showers  and she needs to my laundry, my mom calls herself my pca but she really doesn't do anything with me. I am hoping that Ann my dds worker will call me back soon and get me the heck out of here I need more human contact.  Tomorrow Stephanie's not with me so I am going to the library and hopefully Matt will want to hang out with me, last night when he told me that he missed me I got a huge smile on my face. I've been wanting a Christian boyfriend and I got one and I've been wanting someone who lives close to me so that I can see more often. Yesterday I almost jumped out of my chair when I saw him, I miss him. When he would come hang out here before I wasn't allowed to sit in my wheelchair so that will probably happen again and I won't mind :)