good night & God bless

Around 12:20 this morning I was yelling for my mom to roll me and when she came down she looked kind of mad, and I wanted to say "it's not my fault that I can't roll myself". I use to be able to do so much more then I went into public school and that's when it went down hill, I wish I could put those teachers in my shoe's right now. I don't like asking my mom for help because I know she doesn't like helping me and now that Maiju is in the hospital she is more focused on her. On Sunday when I asked her to reposition me she said "I'll just buckle your other foot in and you can do it" but I need help doing and it gets frustrating when she doesn't like to help me. Yesterday Stephanie and I brought Lacy to Stephanie's house and around 3pm Stephanie brought her home and my mom got upset because we wasted the gas, if there was more things to do here I wouldn't mind. But Jorma is always working in the kitchen and he needs us to be out of the way so we leave. My mom said that Lacy can only come with us for short rides and not long ones, but if she was here than Jorma would do something to her. I wish I had a camera so that my sisters would believe me how he really is. Last September Maiju emailed me and said "Jorma's so nice and you shouldn't put him down like that", but even Dale has seen his rude side to him. So I have her and I know that she would help me out if my sisters would say something again, every day I wonder what it's like to be one of my sisters. They are married and moved out and I really want God to find me a boyfriend and maybe than I would stop comparing myself to my sisters and when I move out that will be another good thing
I really hope that dds can get me out of here soon, I can't live here anymore, there is way to much stress here. There is no love here either, my moms main focus now is Maiju. I wish in July when I went into the hospital she would have been there for me, I remember texting her and saying "will you come with me?" and she said "no". I wonder what it's like to be one of my sisters who my mom pays more attention too. I am thankful that she didn't put me in a group home or a nursing home like Maiju said to put me in one. Alycia my friend from MHS her mom put her in one and now she's in a day program and she's so smart and she sits in there. I am so glad that I fought the day day program I tried it once and I was so bored there. It was like FHS again and I didn't want to do it again and I am smart, last night I read 95 pages and I can do these puzzle books. I wish my mom would see past my wheelchair and disabilities and see the person that God made me. I am funny, out going, but all she see's is my wheelchair and disabilities. I need to go some where else where they will see the real me and who will spend more time with me. I can't sit in my room every night while my mom sits out in the living room. I don't know what her problem is with me lately but when I ask her to reach me something she gets annoyed or if I need to be fixed. I really hope that my new family will want to spend more time with me and have fun with me.  
I can't believe that someone is going to do a movie about my life, on Friday night when I go to barns and noble I will have to bring my note book and write where to start. I know that I am going to have Sam the girl who helped me decorate Dale's van in 2007. I will never forget that day either, I don't think that Dale or Sam will either. It was a good night and I am sure when Dale see's that in the movies she'll laugh again and shake her head. I am going to decade the movie to my dad he taught me how to live and I am so thankful for him, he taught me allot. I am sure that he would be proud of me since I never gave up the faith and I go to church every Sunday. When Chris told me that I was to into God that hurt me, I would rather be into God than into sec and drinking.
Lacy is so cute, she was on my pillows and she's so cute. I love her so much, she really helped me and always is helping me. She loves to go sleep on pillows and if I go lay down she always comes with me and she is always following me. In a way she is like God because he is always there and so is Lacy. On Sunday's when I come back from church or any where her tail goes nuts and she gets so excited to see me. When I ask her "do you love God?" her tail wags, when I ask her all these questions her tail always wags. At nights when my mom is putting me in bed she always needs to give her a cookie because other wise she won't move. Stephanie went on Chris's facebook and he deleted the picture of him and her and when we went there two weeks ago she was so happy to see him but he just ignored her and that was to bad because she loves him. But she'll love any guy who loves me and in the mornings when Stephanie or my mom are getting me up she always needs to supervise them. It's cute though and she always thinks that she's helping but she really isn't. But she is doing God's job by watching me that I don't scratch my colostomy and she's keeping me off the anti depressants too :)