it's so peaceful without Jorma

It seems so peaceful with out Jorma, when my mom came home last night the whole house was peaceful and it was a nice feeling too :). I wouldn't mind living here if my mom interacted with me and Jorma wasn't here. But she likes to watch her shows and talk on the phone and I'm just stuck in my room every night and it gets boring. I need to move out and start to live, all my sisters are moved out so it's my time to move out and start living. I want to start living and having a life and if dds finds me a job at a day program or group home, maybe that's why God let this disabilities pass so that I can show other disabled people that they can still do things. When I worked at the arc I was able to help the clients and when I showed them different ways to handle their money such as has a 5 dollar bill instead of 1's, that's what I always do in my wallet. I miss helping them out like that, it always made me feel good about myself and that's what I want back. I am hoping to meet Ann my dds worker this Friday with Ellen and if they can get me a job some where I would still have Stephanie come with me too. I miss helping them out, it made me feel good about myself and I forget about my disabilities.

Last night when I went to prayer at cross roads, Al was there and it was very odd seeing him. I really didn't look at him and when it was done we left quickly, he didn't even say "hi or bye" but oh well. I told everyone there that a Christian movie director is going to do a movie about my life and I am going to decade the movie to my dad and I am going to put "dad this is for you, so thank you for your lessons that you taught me how to live even though I am disabled. Love always and forever your chocolate queen"

I have another date with Matt on Sunday and I am excited, I really like him we aren't a couple yet. But we're still hanging out and getting to know each other again, I really like being around him when I am, my wheelchair goes away and I need that. Last Wednesday when I hung out with him I must have had the biggest smile and probably whole heaven herd me scream too! I know my dad was watching me on that date and probably saying "if I could only be down there teasing her" two weeks ago when I saw him at Market Basket I almost flew out of my chair that day. I was looking for him for one month and I tried looking for him at his old job and he wasn't there and I've been looking every where and I couldn't find him. He lives right down the street from me so that's what is amazing too, he's been there all this time and I couldn't find him and he was very close to me and that's what is amazing. I never thought I would find him and when I did I still am happy, I like being around him and I am pretty sure he likes me too. He wants to meet Lacy so this Sunday I will have my mom take a picture and then put it on here. Then I will send it to cvs and get a copy made and if my mom gets two different pictures than I will make the pictures big so that I can see them. I always did that to Chris and I when we got a picture together and when he broke up with me this past January to go have sex with other woman I took them down.

I am meeting with Ellen this Friday and hopefully my dds worker too and maybe Ann will have some good news about more pca hours for me. I would love and need that, now that I can't go to crossroads anymore. I don't think that my mom would like to drive me to church on Sunday's so I want and need to find a good pca who could take me on Sundays and be here on Saturday's too. Stephanie does allot and she can't always do my showers and every thing and she would train the new pca and I would like Ann to find me a night time job working at a group home and helping them out and  I  be out of the house for a few nights of week and I can have Stephanie drop me off and then my mom and Jorma will pick me up. I know that Jorma would need to come with my mom because he needs to be with her all the time.