boring day

I asked my sister Miia to please convince my mom to get me the hospital bed, I really need it. The bed I have now is okay but the hospital bed would be more comfortable for me, and it would be easier for my mom too to get me in and out of bed. I try to make her life easier but she doesn't want to take the chances and I wish that she would. I am hoping that Miia will email or call her. I want and need the hospital bed it will make our lives so much easier and I really want her to take the chance this time! I wish that she would allow me to have my room the way I want it to be but she doesn't want anything sticking out but it would help me. It gets pretty frustrating living here, I need to move out and really start living my life the way I want it too. Today the nurse is coming and she wants Steph to be here so she can put me in bed, but she has a life too.
I hope that someone will convince the director of the arc to give my job back, I miss the people and they miss me too. The clients get so excited to see me when they do. I miss helping them out, and they would be so happy when I went to help them out. I forgot that I was disabled when I was there, the director was an okay lady. I am so glad that I fought the day program. As I've said in my earlier posts in 2007 when I got lost in Florida and Miia came out and talked with me she said "you are going into a day program" but what would I learn there? it would be the life skills program all over again and I don't want to do that again. The life skills program they didn't teach me anything and when they didn't want to give me my diploma and my friends got it for me I still thank them. Shawn, and Dave and all my other friends who were there with me they helped me and they went down the special ed office and got it for me. The special ed office they don't spend any time with the disabled people, half the people at MHS didn't get their diploma. I passed the mcass so did my friend Sammy, and I am proud of her. Alycia on the other hand didn't believe in herself and her parents put her in the day program and now she just sits in a group home and in the day program and does nothing. I feel bad for her, because I know she is smart. I need to become an advocate for disabled people, this Friday when I meet with my dds worker I am going to ask her how can I become an advocate for disabled people so that parents don't put them in day programs and all the other junk that they do to disabled people
My nurse convinced my mom to get the hospital bed and I am so happy, that means when I get it I will be more comfortable. My mom was telling my nurse "she goes to bed so late and I'm so tired", I wanted to say "well I could get a pca here at nights" my friend Jenny said to get an over night pca but my mom wouldn't want that because than Jorma couldn't walk around in his boxers at nights. I need to move out of here and move on like my sisters did, it's way to stressful to live here. It's my time to grow up and move out and get the heck out of here and start my own life. I want to go some where else where they would want to interact with me. My mom just sits in the living room while I just sit in my room and if my sisters or my aunt were to call her she would stop and talk with them but when it comes to me I am just her option and I'm sick of being just her option. She doesn't want to take the over night hours with someone else who could help her out but she doesn't like staying up until 10:30 and if she would be willing to take the hours it would help her out. But when Steph did the over night last month my mom didn't like it and I don't think that Jorma did either because he couldn't walk around in his boxers either.
On Monday I am going to see the doctor who does botox and I am going to ask her to do it again because my back is always spasming and my legs are too. It gets prettu frustrating being me and sometimes I cry and I can't go to my mom and tell her how I am feeling about my disabilities because she'll tell me that I'm complain I really can't go to anyone unless it's Dawn, Jenny or Dave. I can't go to my sisters because they don't know what it's like to be in my shoe's and I wish that I could go to them but I can't. I consider Dawn as my sister because when no one understands she does and I thank God for every night, and I miss her. I am hoping that she can sleep over soon, we've had some good times together and we were bad before we use to drink and swear like crazy. We use to listen to Avril Lavigne's song "Girl Friend" with a bunch of swears and we use to swear like we were bus drivers. That's why I want a Christian boyfriend I don't want one who wants sex all the time like Chris did, at first he was fine then in January he changed and I'm not sure why he did and he's to immature to tell me what I did wrong but oh well I'll leave him alone. I will find some one better, on Sunday I am going to Steph's old church and I am hoping that will be a guy. Matt doesn't a relationship and I want a good guy, who can help me relax at nights and some one who can help me when my pain is bad. Right now my pain is a 6 and I am also thankful that the doctor did put me on a stronger pain pill last October even though no one in family likes it. Their not the ones living in this body and I'm sure if they were they would think of the pain medication differently.