I really want a boyfriend who will take me out, so that I won't be stuck in this house I don't think that insurance will give me more pca hours. Yesterday when my niece Ella was here she really didn't talk to me, but when Suvi came home for her break Ella talked with her. I really need to start living, going to all these appointments and staying here every night it gets boring. My mom sits in the living room, watches tv or goes upstairs with Jorma. I want a boyfriend who would sit in my room with me and we could watch a movie on my computer. Or he could read me the bible, when Chris was in my life he helped me fall asleep he would call me at nights and he always would help me get my mind off my pain and I would fall asleep. I know that Chad and Stephanie are going to get married and honestly I don't think I can handle another wedding, that's what I would tell her. When it was Suvi's wedding last October that wasn't easy for me and I can't handle any more wedding's even if I have a boyfriend. When I had Chris and it was Suvi's wedding, I must have called him so many times that night and I cried and I said "I want to be different, because all my sisters are married and I'm not". I want a born again Christian boyfriend who will go to church with me and pick me up for church and hang out with me and take me out and hang out with me here. I really need to start living, I'm always bored at nights. I use to go on aim but no one really is on it.
J can't believe that it's September already and it's Friday, my mom and I were talking last night where does the time go? It's crazy how time fly's it goes by so fast. It's been 12 years that my dad died, 7 years with my colostomy, 6 years with Lacy, 4 years with my power chair, a year that Dale moved on. It's crazy how time goes by so quickly, the months and weeks fly by. I was reading my journal from February and earlier this year and all the things that I've gone through I believe that they make me stronger.
I went to barns and noble and I did some puzzle books then I went job hunting, I got an application to the paper store aka Hallmark store. I need to do something at nights I can't sit here every night alone while my mom sits and watches TV. I want to get at&t and if I get a job than I can afford my iPhone and the paper store is hiring too. I would do 3 nights a week, Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's, I could also get more paper to do my quotes and bible verses too :). While I was at barns and noble I was going into the bathroom and I met a new friend she is also a born again Christian she is 30, it's cool how what ever I ask for in prayer I get and I am hoping that one night that God would get a hold of my mom and Jorma and have my mom and Jorma stop living in sin. I am hoping to move out of here too and get away from here, when Jorma was driving home he always ha a huge frown to his face and I am always tempted to say "if you're so unhappy of driving me than why don't you stay home?"". I like going to barns and noble it makes my nights go by faster when I am here my nights go by slowly and I am bored but when I am out and about my nights go by faster :). I am burnt out of living here, I am not needed or wanted here any way. Today Kristin came to change my catheter and yesterday I was telling my mom that she is trying to get a hold of my urologist because my bladder hurts and my mom said "does it hurt that bad?" I said yes"
When Kristin the visiting nurse came here and Stephanie was getting me into bed and she saw how hard the transfers were and I was telling her that I really need the hospital bed. She's going to call my mom one day next week and hopefully she'll be able to get it for me, Kristen was telling Stephanie that Mass Health can get me a good mattress too and it would be better for me. I am hoping and praying that my mom would be willing to get it for me because then it wouldn't hurt my moms back or mine or Stephanie's either. I try to help my mom out the best that I can but she never want to take the help and it's to bad. I am hoping that I can get the hospital bed and get the job too, that way I could meet people too :). Hallmark is hiring and I could work from 5pm-8pm then I could go to barns and noble and to these different stores and earn some extra cash and that way I could get my iPhone and not need to worry about who will pay for it. I don't always want to depend on my mom for everything, that's why Stephanie has all the drinks all set up for me so that I don't need to ask my mom every time for the help. I had a pca Tammy in 2008 and she was the one who said that getting all my drink ready word be better so that way I wouldn't need to ask my mom for all the help. Stephanie said that was the best idea that she had. I buy the little drink packets and when Stephanie isn't hear I can get my drinks ready. When I want to do my quote and bible verses and get out of my chair I alway need to sit on the edge and my legs always hang and that hurts so if I get the hospital bed I can get out of my chair and still do them with out hurting my legs and body. I want to make my mom's life easier too so I know the hospital bed would make both of our lives easier. So I am hoping that Kristin can convince my mom to get the hospital bed. When I got this power chair in 2006 I had a hospital bed then in 2008 I moved out and when I came back here my mom didn't take the hospital bed
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