Matt came today

Oh my goodness my mom is going to church! Jorma needs to stay out of her life, he doesn't want to go to church!! I am so happy, she still believes in God it's Jorma who doesn't believe in God, he needs to go and stay out our lives. She's calmer without him and I wish that he would move out but he won't so I will. In 2009 when he went to Finland she went to church too, it's the enemy who is keeping her away from church and the enemy lives here too! When Jorma's here every thing is so stressful and not peaceful and he gets in these moods where he's fine with me one day then the next day he's not fine with me and it gets so confusing too! I wish my mom and I had a better relationship but we don't and I've tried to talk to her but right when the phone rings she stops talking to me and I wish that she wouldn't stop talking to me. Once she was helping me take down quotes and bible verses and then Maiju called and she stopped helping me. Jorma has the enemy with him and no one else see's it but me and I know that he has the enemy and he's stopping my mom from doing allot for herself. She doesn't have the confidence to drive in the dark or really do anything and it's to bad because when he wasn't in our lives she was nicer to me and that's what I miss allot. This morning when I was telling her "whole heaven might hear me scream" she said "why?" I said "because of Matt coming over" she said "guys don't like all the screaming"I wasn't going to scream out loud only in my mind.



I am so glad that my dad taught me how to pray and to trust God better than humans. Every night when I go to bed I thank God for my dad he was an amazing dad. I still miss him, I remember going on all these trips with him such as going skiing. When I was at MHS and I would look for him Dave my ex boyfriend said "Minna, remember he went to heaven" and I became sad. Summer 2000 when I went to Iowa I won six gold medals and when I came back I went to his grave and left one on his grave. I am glad that I don't put him down like Maiju did, in July when Maiju called Stephanie and she was putting my dad down and that wasn't good. Maiju likes Jorma more and if I only had a camera to show her what he's really like than she would change her mind. My dad would come visit me every Wednesday at MHS and would talk with me and I remember summer 1999 when I was leaving he said "I can't come visit you anymore, I'm to sick". When I see all his old journals and my mom was more compassionate but then Jorma came into our lives. Writing about my dad that's not easy because it's a hard subject but I need too. When I see chocolate I can picture God saying "there goes your chocolate queen again" and he probably smiles and says "that's my chocolate queen". When I did relay for life this past June and I saw all the colon cancer patience who made it through it, tears came down my face. That's why I am going to decade the movie to my dad because he taught me how to live and that I can still do things even though I am this disabled.



Matt came over today and at first Lacy barked at him but after awhile she was fine and she showed him all her toys and he said "she's so cute" we took her for a walk. Stephanie and Chad her boyfriend came over and Matt, Stephanie, Chad tag teamed me. I always telling them that I have a halo and they told me to keep wishing. I tried to convince them that I was a good driver and all 3 of them told me to keep wishing that I was. Stephanie put my chair in manual and the 3 of them were having fun with me and I smacked all of them and they laughed. I am sure that my dad was having fun watching me. Matt just wants to be friends so next Sunday when I go to church I am going to ask if anyone knows of anyone single who would want a relationship with me. I really want to be with a guy, I miss that allot. Today when Matt saw me go into a spasm he said "Teal and I always saw her spasm at FHS and we always needed to remind her to stay relax". October 3rd I am going to the doctor who does my botox so I know that I will need it again. Maiju came by with Ella and I was telling her that I need botox and I am wearing shorts and she said "yes, I see your legs are tight". I hate how my body spasms, but that's where Chris really helped me out because he was able to keep me calm and when I would go into a spasm he would remind me to relax. I want a guy who lives close to me and who I can see more often and they can take me out to dinner and do other things with me. I want a good Christian guy. Chris told me in January that sex before marriage isn't a sin. While Stephanie was here Chad came in my room and Stephanie showed him my chocolate and my snack drawer. When Maiju came by I was telling her how Stephanie doesn't like my dad for naming his "chocolate queen" all the pastors and his friends at work they said "Mikko, the more you call her your chocolate queen she's going to turn into one" and he said "no she won't" I am 28 years and 12 years later I am his chocolate queen. He probably laughs when I buy chocolate and probably says to God "that's my good chocolate queen"

Tomorrow I am calling dds to find out if she got me more pca hours, I really want them. Especially in the winter time so that I won't need to be alone, I know that Stephanie needs a break and I need to give her one. But if I don't have someone then I will be bored because my mom will be with Jorma and they'll do their thing. This past Saturday my mom really didn't want to pick me up from barns and noble but I would have been bored. I wish that she would have picked me up later but oh well. I am going to ask Ann if she can give me some numbers to call to get a job I don't want to work at CVS or walmart I want to help disabled people. I use to work at CVS but that got boring, I like working with the disabled and helping them and encouraging them to do all that they can themselves. Two weeks ago when I went to the day program and I told the arc what Alycia can do for herself they were going to write it down so that they don't help her with things. At MHS they taught us how to do things for our selves such as going grocery shopping and how to do things like that. Today when Matt was here, Matt was telling Stephanie that no one liked how I was in the life skills program and I didn't learn anything from that classes all I did was take naps during class. When I would have spasms they would write them down and at my meeting at the end of the year they told them and it upset me because I haven't faked a spasm and it's hard to fake a spasm. But I really want to help disabled people so that they can do as much as they can for themselves. I would be a perfect example and I could show all of them how to do things, I fill my own drinks and when I go out to stores my mom and Stephanie they always make sure that I have dollar bills instead of dollar's, those are harder for me to handle. I want to do something that I would feel good at doing and I would forget that I was disabled at the same time so that would be a good thing, Stephanie said that she would still come with me and so that I wouldn't lose my pca hours. When I worked at the arc I did 10-2 and that's what I would like to do again, I would like to get paid too. I want the iPhone and my mom won't add me on her plan so I will need to get one myself.