:)

I really like how Jorma is gone, it's so peaceful here and my mom is more friendly towards me. Even Stephanie noticed it too, there is no tension. When Jorma is here every thing is different, he makes the coffee at a certain time and he controls my mom and it's sad to see. She's much happier with him being gone and if only my sisters would see it, but they don't. I know that Jorma won't move out so I will and she doesn't rush to put me in bed at nights and when he is here she rushes me. Tomorrow when I meet with Ellen I am hoping that my dds worker will be there too and hopefully I can get more pca hours and I wouldn't need to be alone every night. I also want a job some where Stephanie can come with me too I want to help out the disabled. I really like helping them out it makes me feel better  about myself and I would forget about my disabilities too :) so I need that.

It's a rainy day today, I don't like when it rains my body hurts more and I'm in more pain too. My back is more tight and I know that when I go into a spasm Stephanie is going to say "Matt" I am hanging out with him on Sunday. I miss him and he misses me too, I like being around him and he wants to take me to all these dates and I will love it. Stephanie, and I are going to double date and I know that Stephanie, Chad and Matt they'll tease me. Last week I told Matt that I was a good driver and he said "you only wish you were a good driver" and I slapped him and he laughed. He said "the Fitchburg cops need to give you speeding tickets" and I smiled and when I was going home he said "no speeding" and I said "hey". I can't wait to hang out with him on Sunday, Stephanie and Dawn they both told me if I tell them that I miss my dad they'll say "do you miss him on your dates with Matt?" and I will quickly say "no!". I will have my mom take a picture of Matt and I and I will post it on here and I know when I email it to Stephanie and my friends I stopped using facebook I really wasn't into it Dawn and Stephanie will tease me and I will want to smack them.

I hate being so spastic and it gets really stressful when I have Stephanie here she is able to calm me down but when it's just my mom and I she just sits in the living room and she talks on the phone. It gets really stressful because I need to be reminded to relax and stay relaxed, next month I go see the botox doctor and I am going to request her to do the botox again I really need it again as much I hate it, I get relief from it. I told Stephanie when they do it if she can come in there with me and keep my mind off the needles, I get it in my back, my left arm and both in my legs. My back hurts the most I have these trigger points and they are always hurting me, when my mom was at the Finnish fair she bought me this Finn Stick and it works. I put it on my trigger points and it does help even though it does hurt. I am hoping that my dds worker can get me more pca hours so that I am not always alone. It gets lonely in my room and my mom really doesn't have the patience to listen to me, some times I stutter because of my disabilities but that's not my fault.

I can't believe that this is the last weekend in September, where does the time go? it flies by. It seems like just yesterday it was June when it was relay for life and now it's fall. I think fall is pretty I love going to parks. Today when I talked to my dds worker she is going to look for a job for me working at a day program :). I really like to help them out and it will make me feel better about myself too. Stephanie will come with me so I don't loose the pca hours but I really want to help out other disabled people I miss that and the arc they don't want me back even though the clients do the main person doesn't want me back. But I really want to help the people and make them feel good about themselves. Alycia shouldn't be in one but her mom and dad chose to put her in one and that bugs me because she is so smart and she didn't get her high school diploma because she didn't think that she was smart enough but my friend Sammy did and I am proud of Sammy that she got her diploma and she's in college and that's where Alycia should be and she shouldn't be in a day program wasting her memory away. In 2004 my mom and whole family wanted me to go in one but I'm never going in one.