I saw my friend Matt today

It's raining again, I can't go out for another drive but oh well. I will have to go out with Stephanie, I need to keep her busy though so that she doesn't fall asleep the rain makes everyone tired and it makes my body more spastic too. That's one bad thing about the rain, yesterday I was spasming like crazy and my body was so sore by the end of the night. I am so thankful that I have the strong pain medication, even though my family doesn't like me on them their not the ones living in this body and their not the ones who deal with the pain. I deal with the pain and before I wasn't taking the strong pain medication to help me fall asleep I would be up so late dealing with the pain and everything and last October the doctor put me on the right medication and I am so thankful that he did. I am usually sleeping by 12:30 and I don't wake up until 8:30am and before I was only sleeping for four hours and now I sleep for 8 hours. My back is always spasming the most it's because I over worked the tendons at MHS when I did the sports a little to much and I wish that I had listened to the doctors.
It was nice talking to Dave last night and he doesn't understand why Chris doesn't even want to be my friend, Dave and Chris they both helped me out when my dad died and I am so thankful for them. The first Wednesday that my dad wasn't there I asked Dave where is he? and he had to remind me and that was the hardest thing. I wish Chris would tell me what the heck I did to him, but he's to childish to tell me, he doesn't even talk to Dave anymore and that's to bad at MHS they were so close and now they don't even talk. I was telling Dave that I got someone to do a movie about my life and I'm going to have them put Dave in it because he helped me so much when my dad was gone. I still thank him for it, he really did help me allot. The first summer without him that was strange without him, I wish that Chris would tell me what I did wrong but oh well it's his loss for not telling me. This Sunday I am going to ask someone if they know of anyone single that is looking for a girl friend, I really want a boyfriend who i a Christian and will take me out or cook me dinner and then hang out with me. I'm sick of being single it gets boring, Chris found someone and he has sex and he ditched me for her and that hurt me allot. I will find someone better than Chris and someone closer too :).
I saw my friend Matt today at the grocery store and when I saw him I almost jumped out of my chair. I miss him, and he misses me too :). I miss hanging out with him I need to feel important, I'm really not important to my mom Maiju went into the hospital on Sunday and it's funny how she cares so much about her but when it comes to me I'm just her option and I'm sick of it. I miss my dad he held this family together and now we are all in these groups. When I saw Matt I almost jumped out of my chair I miss being around him and he misses that too. I've been praying for a boyfriend and God this morning probably told my dad "watch this" and I know he'll probably come in my dream tonight with a huge smile on his face.
I hate how lately my bladder has been hurting more and I don't know what is wrong with it either. So tomorrow I am going to get a new urologist I hate how my bladder is always hurting me and I wish that I did have a rewind button to when my life wasn't this rough. I miss when my mom cared more but ever since Jorma came into the picture I became less important to her and it's not a good feeling to have. Last night I was hot and I was trying to get her attention for the longest time and she didn't come and I was so hot the whole night :(. I guess there just comes a point in everyone's life where you can't handle it anymore and I wish that she would get the hospital bed and I'm hoping my visiting nurse who comes to change my catheter once a month can convince her to get it to get it for me. It would help the both of us but she keeps wanting to make her life harder and it's time for me to move out and move on with my life.