you can follow me on http://www.thoughts.com/speedymin1983 or http://chocoqueenxo.livejournal.com/
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Saturday, May 26, 2012
My legs have been broken for 2 weeks
The
other day my mom was telling me that Steph will do 30 hours a week, but
if I'm going to volunteer than I will only want one during the night
because I will want to do things and not shop. Steph is getting married
July 21st, Chad and her want kids and she wants to go back to school. I
want to do something fun and excited and something new, I need something
new. I am bored of doing the same thing. I don't mind going to Wal-Mart
Target, Market Basket. I need a pca who likes to read, go to libraries
and things like that. I am almost done my Joyce Meyer book, I've always
loved to read and I probably always will love to read. I can read up to
100 pages a day. At MHS in my freshman year, I had reading before
psychical therapy and I would always be late for it. I would get so into
the reading that I would forget about going to pt. Dave was in that
class, now we don't even talk. I barely talk to anyone from MHS anymore.
They've moved on with their lives and it's time that I move on with
mine but I need my Lacy with me. She's helped me in so many ways, since
I've been gone for two weeks she hasn't been the same. I can't do that
to her, Dale agreed and I'm sure that Dawn will agree too.
My mom and Jorma came by and got McDonalds for dinner, I know when I go home on Wednesday it's going to be the same thing. She'll watch her shows, go upstairs watch her Finnish shows and I'll get left downstairs again. When Jorma wasn't in our lives everything was so different, she wanted me in her life. But now my mom has friends and they go out to eat with them. Two weeks ago when I broke my legs my mom got mad but she'll never understand the rejection that I get from her. It also hurts how Miia wants me to leave Lacy behind and forget about her, but Lacy is my life and she helps me. I can't ditch Lacy that wouldn't be fair for her or I. I love Lacy way to much, I miss her allot. I miss when she would sit in my room when I would read or do my quotes, I always had someone there. I want to hold and hug her and tell her that I missed her allot. I know that she won't leave me alone and when I go places she'll wonder am I coming back or not? Two weeks ago when I was leaving to the library I said "I'll be back baby" and when I didn't come back she was sad. She won't go in my bed, play with her toys or anything anymore. She needs me just as much as I need her, I wish Miia would understand that I can't leave her.
Tomorrow I get to go see Lacy, she is going to be so happy. I miss her allot, I know when she sees me she is going to go nuts and her tail is going to wag and everything. I will play with her and talk to her, and she'll love it. She will love Wednesday when I am home for good, when my mom and Jorma go to bed she sleeps upstairs she use to sleep in our bed. It makes me wonder if God ever took me she would become a very sad baby. I love her so much, two weeks ago when I left I didn't know that I would break my legs. She always looks so sad when I am leaving when I return she goes nuts. I will have my mom find my camera and I'll have her put it on video mode and when I go into the house she'll cry and wine. Yesterday when Dale was here she was explain to her friend that when we would ask Lacy if she wanted to go see Grandma Mary she would get so happy. I know when I start to volunteer she'll miss me, it's a good feeling to have someone missing me. My mom is so busy with her life and when I come home from somewhere she isn't excited to see me but Lacy goes nuts. She loves when it's bed time, we always need to give her a cookie because she steals my blankets and the pillows. In the mornings she always brings me a toy, then she spreads them all over the house. She wasn't cute at first but now she's very cute, I am glad that I did ask God for a friend 7 years ago. Who ever dropped her off on March 8th 2005 was an angel, they'll never know how much she means to me. She got me to accept my colostomy and she got me off my anti depressants twice. Like I've said before 4 years ago when the doctors told me that I wouldn't get off them, when I went home I said "God and Lacy got me off them once now do it again" and they did and I will only depend on God and Lacy for my anti depressants God is a better doctor and Lacy is his helper
Before I go see Lacy tomorrow I am going to church I need it, I miss it allot too. I haven't gone in two weeks. After church I need to go to Market Basket and buy some yogurt, chicken noodle soup more drink packets. The food here isn't the greatest, in the mornings I have my carnation instant breakfast but lunch and dinner isn't good at all I am sick of grill cheese. I'm going to ask the pastor if I need to take any special classes to be baptized, as I've been baptized when I was a baby. I get to see allot of people I am excited to go to church. I will also bring my camera and I'll post the pictures of Lacy and I tomorrow!
Rise
Shawn McDonald
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes, rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
(X2)
Cause He who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise
(X2)
Sometimes my heart is on the ground
And hope is nowhere to be found
Love is a figment I once knew
And yet I hold on to what I know is true
Chorus
Well I keep on coming to this place
That I don't know quite how to face
So I lay down my life in hopes to die
That somehow I might rise
My mom and Jorma came by and got McDonalds for dinner, I know when I go home on Wednesday it's going to be the same thing. She'll watch her shows, go upstairs watch her Finnish shows and I'll get left downstairs again. When Jorma wasn't in our lives everything was so different, she wanted me in her life. But now my mom has friends and they go out to eat with them. Two weeks ago when I broke my legs my mom got mad but she'll never understand the rejection that I get from her. It also hurts how Miia wants me to leave Lacy behind and forget about her, but Lacy is my life and she helps me. I can't ditch Lacy that wouldn't be fair for her or I. I love Lacy way to much, I miss her allot. I miss when she would sit in my room when I would read or do my quotes, I always had someone there. I want to hold and hug her and tell her that I missed her allot. I know that she won't leave me alone and when I go places she'll wonder am I coming back or not? Two weeks ago when I was leaving to the library I said "I'll be back baby" and when I didn't come back she was sad. She won't go in my bed, play with her toys or anything anymore. She needs me just as much as I need her, I wish Miia would understand that I can't leave her.
Tomorrow I get to go see Lacy, she is going to be so happy. I miss her allot, I know when she sees me she is going to go nuts and her tail is going to wag and everything. I will play with her and talk to her, and she'll love it. She will love Wednesday when I am home for good, when my mom and Jorma go to bed she sleeps upstairs she use to sleep in our bed. It makes me wonder if God ever took me she would become a very sad baby. I love her so much, two weeks ago when I left I didn't know that I would break my legs. She always looks so sad when I am leaving when I return she goes nuts. I will have my mom find my camera and I'll have her put it on video mode and when I go into the house she'll cry and wine. Yesterday when Dale was here she was explain to her friend that when we would ask Lacy if she wanted to go see Grandma Mary she would get so happy. I know when I start to volunteer she'll miss me, it's a good feeling to have someone missing me. My mom is so busy with her life and when I come home from somewhere she isn't excited to see me but Lacy goes nuts. She loves when it's bed time, we always need to give her a cookie because she steals my blankets and the pillows. In the mornings she always brings me a toy, then she spreads them all over the house. She wasn't cute at first but now she's very cute, I am glad that I did ask God for a friend 7 years ago. Who ever dropped her off on March 8th 2005 was an angel, they'll never know how much she means to me. She got me to accept my colostomy and she got me off my anti depressants twice. Like I've said before 4 years ago when the doctors told me that I wouldn't get off them, when I went home I said "God and Lacy got me off them once now do it again" and they did and I will only depend on God and Lacy for my anti depressants God is a better doctor and Lacy is his helper
Before I go see Lacy tomorrow I am going to church I need it, I miss it allot too. I haven't gone in two weeks. After church I need to go to Market Basket and buy some yogurt, chicken noodle soup more drink packets. The food here isn't the greatest, in the mornings I have my carnation instant breakfast but lunch and dinner isn't good at all I am sick of grill cheese. I'm going to ask the pastor if I need to take any special classes to be baptized, as I've been baptized when I was a baby. I get to see allot of people I am excited to go to church. I will also bring my camera and I'll post the pictures of Lacy and I tomorrow!
Rise
Shawn McDonald
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes, rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
(X2)
Cause He who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise
(X2)
Sometimes my heart is on the ground
And hope is nowhere to be found
Love is a figment I once knew
And yet I hold on to what I know is true
Chorus
Well I keep on coming to this place
That I don't know quite how to face
So I lay down my life in hopes to die
That somehow I might rise
Friday, May 25, 2012
Five more days until home
I
wonder why Ann my dds worker said that I was depressed, she has no idea
what I go through. Sometimes I have 3 doctor's appointments, I live in
pain and spasm, I need help taking showers getting in and out of bed,
getting dressed. I even told that to my doctor, they don't spend anytime
with me they only see me for a few seconds and then their done. I am
not sad, I get frustrated just like everyone else. Just because my legs
they don't work I still get discouraged and frustrated just like
everyone else does. Miia my oldest sister has been texting me and
telling me "you need to ask Ann about a group home" she really doesn't
want me at home either. But oh well it gets boring at home, I just don't
like how Miia is texting me when she wasn't before.
Diane came by today and we were talking how I flipped over and how I need to call the eye doctor. Miia has been texting me about moving out and leaving Lacy behind, but I love Lacy way to much to leave her behind. She's like my baby, and she's not happy without me, I know my mom wants me out. But I can't and I'm not leaving Lacy behind I miss her and she misses me too. She looks all around where am I? she won't go in our room anymore, she isn't happy. Miia texts back and says "Lacy will be fine you need a life too". When no one is at home I can go to Lacy and talk to her and I miss her her allot. I know when I start to volunteer and she looks around for me she's going to be confused am I coming back, two weeks ago when I didn't come back she wasn't her self. I always tell her "I'm coming back" and this time when I didn't come back she's sad. I can't leave her. I am excited to start my volunteer job, I will be doing Monday-Thursday and helping them with money, social, and reading skills. I have a new pca too, my mom is fine with the girl being there from 3-8 that way my mom can go watch her shows and be with Jorma. I wish that she would spend time with me more but she's busy with her life.
Dale came to visit me today and I was telling her how Miia wants me to leave Lacy behind and start my own life without her, but I can't do that I love Lacy way to much. Dale bought me a milk shake and we talked, and I was telling her how I don't want to be healed because Al the guy who got me to be a born again Christian he doesn't go to church anymore. I don't want to end up like him, I hope that I can still get baptized on June 10th. I was baptized as a baby but I didn't understand what it meant when I was a baby, Lutherans baptize their babies and they have all these rules and if they only knew that I was getting baptized they would freak out. I was telling Dale that on my last day that I am at my house I am going to be completely honest with my mom and Jorma why I'm moving out. I know they won't change and my mom will still do her own thing when I go back home,. I can't wait to see Lacy on Wednesday, I will have my mom bring my camera and I'll put it on video mode and when I see her she'll go nuts. I miss my little baby, she was always so happy in the mornings to see me she would jump in bed with me and get nice and comfortable. I will end up laying in bed allot and I know that she'll join me. I've met allot of people here, this morning this lady and I saved this guy and he said when he gets better that he'll come to my church. I'll be happy, I like to save people, that's why I am disabled. I like talking to other people about Jesus, tonight as I was filling one of my drink bottles a guy that the lady and I saved he asked me "what does 3:16 mean?" and I said "For God so loved the world he gave his only son who ever believes in him shall not Parrish but have ever lasting life John 3:16" he said "I wanted to get a tattoo but I didn't know what to put on it". On my other arm I am going to put "dad" in Finnish. Dale said that will mean in two things my dad who was on earth and my dad in heaven too
My casts weigh so much, I am in bed now and I can feel my whole right leg twist. It's not a good feeling either, the nursing and cnas leave so fast. That they really don't have time to listen to me, that's one good thing about my mom she listens to me. But here they are so fast to leave because they have other patience and they don't have time. My heel hurts in these casts too, it already has a blister on it and the cast doesn't help it. Thank God they come off in two weeks, it's not easy being here becauuse they wake me up at 6 to give me my meds and then they get me up at 7 for breakfast. It's not easy getting out of my wheelchair either. The 11-7 shift knows how to position me better, I am just uncomfortable how that heal is always hurting now. I miss when my life wasn't this hard.
Open Skies
David Crowder Band
Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company of all who love the King
I will dance, I will sing
It could be heavenly
Turn the music loud, life my voice and shout
From where I am
From where I've been
He's been there with me
He's built a monument
His very people
So let his people
Sing, sing, sing
And it's so wonderful
Just to be here now
Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company
Of all who love the King
Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company of all who love the King
Let us dance, let us sing
It could be heavenly
Turn the music loud and sing
Lift your voice to heaven
Lift up your head and sing
To the One who gave his love
This is our offering
Lift your voice to heaven
Lift up your head and sing
To the One who gave His son
Here our lives we bring
From wherever you are
Wherever you've been
He's been there
So let his people sing
And it's so wonderful to be here now
Wherever you are wherever you've been
He's been there
Diane came by today and we were talking how I flipped over and how I need to call the eye doctor. Miia has been texting me about moving out and leaving Lacy behind, but I love Lacy way to much to leave her behind. She's like my baby, and she's not happy without me, I know my mom wants me out. But I can't and I'm not leaving Lacy behind I miss her and she misses me too. She looks all around where am I? she won't go in our room anymore, she isn't happy. Miia texts back and says "Lacy will be fine you need a life too". When no one is at home I can go to Lacy and talk to her and I miss her her allot. I know when I start to volunteer and she looks around for me she's going to be confused am I coming back, two weeks ago when I didn't come back she wasn't her self. I always tell her "I'm coming back" and this time when I didn't come back she's sad. I can't leave her. I am excited to start my volunteer job, I will be doing Monday-Thursday and helping them with money, social, and reading skills. I have a new pca too, my mom is fine with the girl being there from 3-8 that way my mom can go watch her shows and be with Jorma. I wish that she would spend time with me more but she's busy with her life.
Dale came to visit me today and I was telling her how Miia wants me to leave Lacy behind and start my own life without her, but I can't do that I love Lacy way to much. Dale bought me a milk shake and we talked, and I was telling her how I don't want to be healed because Al the guy who got me to be a born again Christian he doesn't go to church anymore. I don't want to end up like him, I hope that I can still get baptized on June 10th. I was baptized as a baby but I didn't understand what it meant when I was a baby, Lutherans baptize their babies and they have all these rules and if they only knew that I was getting baptized they would freak out. I was telling Dale that on my last day that I am at my house I am going to be completely honest with my mom and Jorma why I'm moving out. I know they won't change and my mom will still do her own thing when I go back home,. I can't wait to see Lacy on Wednesday, I will have my mom bring my camera and I'll put it on video mode and when I see her she'll go nuts. I miss my little baby, she was always so happy in the mornings to see me she would jump in bed with me and get nice and comfortable. I will end up laying in bed allot and I know that she'll join me. I've met allot of people here, this morning this lady and I saved this guy and he said when he gets better that he'll come to my church. I'll be happy, I like to save people, that's why I am disabled. I like talking to other people about Jesus, tonight as I was filling one of my drink bottles a guy that the lady and I saved he asked me "what does 3:16 mean?" and I said "For God so loved the world he gave his only son who ever believes in him shall not Parrish but have ever lasting life John 3:16" he said "I wanted to get a tattoo but I didn't know what to put on it". On my other arm I am going to put "dad" in Finnish. Dale said that will mean in two things my dad who was on earth and my dad in heaven too
My casts weigh so much, I am in bed now and I can feel my whole right leg twist. It's not a good feeling either, the nursing and cnas leave so fast. That they really don't have time to listen to me, that's one good thing about my mom she listens to me. But here they are so fast to leave because they have other patience and they don't have time. My heel hurts in these casts too, it already has a blister on it and the cast doesn't help it. Thank God they come off in two weeks, it's not easy being here becauuse they wake me up at 6 to give me my meds and then they get me up at 7 for breakfast. It's not easy getting out of my wheelchair either. The 11-7 shift knows how to position me better, I am just uncomfortable how that heal is always hurting now. I miss when my life wasn't this hard.
Open Skies
David Crowder Band
Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company of all who love the King
I will dance, I will sing
It could be heavenly
Turn the music loud, life my voice and shout
From where I am
From where I've been
He's been there with me
He's built a monument
His very people
So let his people
Sing, sing, sing
And it's so wonderful
Just to be here now
Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company
Of all who love the King
Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company of all who love the King
Let us dance, let us sing
It could be heavenly
Turn the music loud and sing
Lift your voice to heaven
Lift up your head and sing
To the One who gave his love
This is our offering
Lift your voice to heaven
Lift up your head and sing
To the One who gave His son
Here our lives we bring
From wherever you are
Wherever you've been
He's been there
So let his people sing
And it's so wonderful to be here now
Wherever you are wherever you've been
He's been there
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Six more days until I go home
I'm
in my power chair today :), at two this afternoon my dds worker and
social worker are going to come to talk. My social worker is going to
talk with my mom about letting me come home. Chris my wheelchair guy has
my new wheelchair and I want to get into it, it has recline. I also
want to volunteer too now that Steph is gone I am not sitting at home
for 3 hours and doing nothing. I want to help lower functional people to
make myself feel better about myself and not always be stuck at home. I
called my mom about me coming home and she said "if Steph doesn't come
back, I can't take care of you" I called Steph and she was saying how
Maiju (the blabber mouth) was saying how I am so mean to my mom &
Jorma and my mom doesn't want me back there. I will simply move on from
all of them since Maiju & Suvi they don't do anything with me
anyway. It makes me feel rejected by them and it's not a good feeling.
My mom always wants to leave earlier from here, her attitude is getting
worse too. I was looking forward of going home but now that my mom
really doesn't want me there and she only wants someone there from 9-12
and then 3-6.
My mom got me pizza because I got sick of eating hospital food, so she's going to buy me some yogurt. Their breakfasts aren't the greatest either, this morning I got toast with an egg. When I am home I usually eat a carnation instant breakfast & yogurt. Tomorrow she is going to the store and buying me foods that I want and like to eat and not foods that I won't eat. I"ve been eating hospital food for almost two weeks now and after a while they get gross. I remember at MHS I would bring money to order food, I can't loose any weight.
Ann my dds worker came today and she was saying to me "do you need an anti depressant since your sad all the time?" I said "no, I go through allot more than you do". I got offended too, I don't need anti depressants to keep me happy I have Lacy and God and those two are all I need. I'm frustrated right now because I am in the hospital and not at home. Both my legs are broken and they need to be in casts for the next 3 weeks and I'm in allot of pain. But that doesn't mean that I'm depressed it just means that I am more frustrated with myself. I didn't know that I would flip over two weeks ago, the curb cuts in my town aren't the best.
These nurses here think that I'm stupid, I was fixing my catheter and the RN said "don't pull" I said "I was just fixing it" then these two cna's came in and said "we want to put you in bed now" as I was brushing my teeth they were rushing me. Umass didn't tell my mom that I had a bad infection either, so now I need to wear a mask while going out of my room. The day nurses are fine with me but the night nurses aren't and it drives me nuts. They really have no Jesus, without him you have no life and it's sad the people who don't have him such as my mom and Jorma. I need to move into a Christian based home where I am needed and wanted unlike at my house I'm really not needed because of the phone or TV or Jorma.
This Is The Day
Laura Story
I'm not the same, I have been changed
By the power of Christ, the truth in my life
I can't explain the difference He's made
Old things have gone, something new has begun
This is the day of my salvation
I will rejoice with a song of praise
This is the day of my salvation
I will rejoice in Christ, my salvation
I'm not the same, I have been changed
The hope that I've found has turned me around
I finally feel forgiveness that's real
This thankful heart gets a brand new start, yeah
This is the day of my salvation
I will rejoice with a song of praise
This is the day of my salvation
I will rejoice in Christ, my salvation
Come, let us be glad, come, let us rejoice
Come, let us be glad, come, let us rejoice
Come, let us be glad, come, let us rejoice
And come, let us be glad, and come, let us rejoice, yeah
This is the day of my salvation
I will rejoice with a song of praise
This is the day of my salvation
I will rejoice in Christ, my salvation
My mom got me pizza because I got sick of eating hospital food, so she's going to buy me some yogurt. Their breakfasts aren't the greatest either, this morning I got toast with an egg. When I am home I usually eat a carnation instant breakfast & yogurt. Tomorrow she is going to the store and buying me foods that I want and like to eat and not foods that I won't eat. I"ve been eating hospital food for almost two weeks now and after a while they get gross. I remember at MHS I would bring money to order food, I can't loose any weight.
Ann my dds worker came today and she was saying to me "do you need an anti depressant since your sad all the time?" I said "no, I go through allot more than you do". I got offended too, I don't need anti depressants to keep me happy I have Lacy and God and those two are all I need. I'm frustrated right now because I am in the hospital and not at home. Both my legs are broken and they need to be in casts for the next 3 weeks and I'm in allot of pain. But that doesn't mean that I'm depressed it just means that I am more frustrated with myself. I didn't know that I would flip over two weeks ago, the curb cuts in my town aren't the best.
These nurses here think that I'm stupid, I was fixing my catheter and the RN said "don't pull" I said "I was just fixing it" then these two cna's came in and said "we want to put you in bed now" as I was brushing my teeth they were rushing me. Umass didn't tell my mom that I had a bad infection either, so now I need to wear a mask while going out of my room. The day nurses are fine with me but the night nurses aren't and it drives me nuts. They really have no Jesus, without him you have no life and it's sad the people who don't have him such as my mom and Jorma. I need to move into a Christian based home where I am needed and wanted unlike at my house I'm really not needed because of the phone or TV or Jorma.
This Is The Day
Laura Story
I'm not the same, I have been changed
By the power of Christ, the truth in my life
I can't explain the difference He's made
Old things have gone, something new has begun
This is the day of my salvation
I will rejoice with a song of praise
This is the day of my salvation
I will rejoice in Christ, my salvation
I'm not the same, I have been changed
The hope that I've found has turned me around
I finally feel forgiveness that's real
This thankful heart gets a brand new start, yeah
This is the day of my salvation
I will rejoice with a song of praise
This is the day of my salvation
I will rejoice in Christ, my salvation
Come, let us be glad, come, let us rejoice
Come, let us be glad, come, let us rejoice
Come, let us be glad, come, let us rejoice
And come, let us be glad, and come, let us rejoice, yeah
This is the day of my salvation
I will rejoice with a song of praise
This is the day of my salvation
I will rejoice in Christ, my salvation
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
day 3 at rehab went to the orthopedic
Last
night my mom came back to bring me drinks & I was already in bed,
she kept complain about something. I miss when she needed me more in her
life, it's kind of like she uses me for the money. Yesterday she was
telling my social worker here "I would like a pca to come from 9-12 then
come back later" This is the email I am sending her: Dear mom, I wish
that you would interact with me your so busy with everyone else that I'm
just your option, your always watching your shows, watching the Finnish
news, going for walks with Jorma. My room gets boring, I do love you
but i wish that you and I could do things. Love Minna
Steph left because my mom only wanted someone working with me 9-12 then leave at 12 and come back. Once I'm all healed than I go will go to the day program and help them out. I am not going to sit around my room for 3 hours and do nothing while my mom & Jorma go do their own thing that gets boring, my mom does her own thing. If it wasn't for God I don't know where I would be. I've lost so many pca's in the past years, they get bored of being here. Ann is going to meet with me tomorrow with my social worker here, I want to know if Ann can get the day program all set up. I also want the social worker here as well so she can help Ann with my daily home basis.
Today my legs got put in a cast and they feel allot better, I've been able to stay up in my chair longer. The orthopedic said that in 3 weeks they'll be able to come off. The streets in my town are horrible they bounce up and down and I hate them too. Even in the van they hurt me, they are fixing them. Tomorrow the PT is going to get me up in my chair, I am kind of excited but kind of scared too because I haven't been in it for over a week now. Last night I did sleep pretty good the nurse came and re positioned me twice and that was it. It's very hard to sleep here because of my pain and spasms too. But I do fall asleep earlier, then they come in at 6 in the morning and check your vitals and then I fall back asleep and then breakfast is served at 7 in the morning. I am glad that I am able to get up out of my bed, laying in bed all day made me sleep more. But it's been two days that I've been up, at the hospital the nurses would come in twice a night and I wasn't able to fall back asleep after wards. But here I requested for them to come in when I need them and not when they need too that got very annoying!
I miss who my mom was she use to be this compassionate person and now she's really not, she doesn't have patience with me like she use too. She really needs Jesus back in her life. She does tell me that Lacy sleeps in the chair upstairs because I'm not there, it amazing how a little dog like that can love a person like me. When I first got her she was an ugly duckling you could say. But now she's so cute. I know when I go home she's going to go nuts. Two weeks ago when I was leaving to the library I said "I'll be back" when my mom and Jorma came back with my chair and I wasn't in it she was probably very confused. Pray these three weeks go by fast because these casts are going to be hot and soon the warmer weather is coming out. I need to get my vision checked also now that I can't see good anymore, it seems like allot of things are getting weaker my eyes, legs. The things that are getting better is my faith, and everything else. I wish someone would do a movie about my whole life such as Soul Sufer and October Baby. I know that I inspire people on my blogs with the things that I go through on a daily basis. I amaze allot of people too with my faith and everything that I do even though I am this disabled.
Come to the cross
Matthew West
Mourner, wherever you are
Wherever you are at the cross there is room
Tell your burdened heart
Your burdened heart at the cross there is room
Tell it in the Savior's ear
Cast away your every fear
Only speak and He will hear
Chorus:
Hallelujah, everyone
Everyone can come to the cross
It doesn't matter what you've done
Everyone can come to the cross
Sinner, come today
Come today, at the cross there is room
Blessed thought for everyone
For everyone can come to the cross
Now a living fountain, see
Open there for you and me
For rich and poor, for bond and free
Chorus:
Music Interlude
Tell it in the Savior's ear
Cast away your every fear
Only speak and He will hear
Chorus:
Steph left because my mom only wanted someone working with me 9-12 then leave at 12 and come back. Once I'm all healed than I go will go to the day program and help them out. I am not going to sit around my room for 3 hours and do nothing while my mom & Jorma go do their own thing that gets boring, my mom does her own thing. If it wasn't for God I don't know where I would be. I've lost so many pca's in the past years, they get bored of being here. Ann is going to meet with me tomorrow with my social worker here, I want to know if Ann can get the day program all set up. I also want the social worker here as well so she can help Ann with my daily home basis.
Today my legs got put in a cast and they feel allot better, I've been able to stay up in my chair longer. The orthopedic said that in 3 weeks they'll be able to come off. The streets in my town are horrible they bounce up and down and I hate them too. Even in the van they hurt me, they are fixing them. Tomorrow the PT is going to get me up in my chair, I am kind of excited but kind of scared too because I haven't been in it for over a week now. Last night I did sleep pretty good the nurse came and re positioned me twice and that was it. It's very hard to sleep here because of my pain and spasms too. But I do fall asleep earlier, then they come in at 6 in the morning and check your vitals and then I fall back asleep and then breakfast is served at 7 in the morning. I am glad that I am able to get up out of my bed, laying in bed all day made me sleep more. But it's been two days that I've been up, at the hospital the nurses would come in twice a night and I wasn't able to fall back asleep after wards. But here I requested for them to come in when I need them and not when they need too that got very annoying!
I miss who my mom was she use to be this compassionate person and now she's really not, she doesn't have patience with me like she use too. She really needs Jesus back in her life. She does tell me that Lacy sleeps in the chair upstairs because I'm not there, it amazing how a little dog like that can love a person like me. When I first got her she was an ugly duckling you could say. But now she's so cute. I know when I go home she's going to go nuts. Two weeks ago when I was leaving to the library I said "I'll be back" when my mom and Jorma came back with my chair and I wasn't in it she was probably very confused. Pray these three weeks go by fast because these casts are going to be hot and soon the warmer weather is coming out. I need to get my vision checked also now that I can't see good anymore, it seems like allot of things are getting weaker my eyes, legs. The things that are getting better is my faith, and everything else. I wish someone would do a movie about my whole life such as Soul Sufer and October Baby. I know that I inspire people on my blogs with the things that I go through on a daily basis. I amaze allot of people too with my faith and everything that I do even though I am this disabled.
Come to the cross
Matthew West
Mourner, wherever you are
Wherever you are at the cross there is room
Tell your burdened heart
Your burdened heart at the cross there is room
Tell it in the Savior's ear
Cast away your every fear
Only speak and He will hear
Chorus:
Hallelujah, everyone
Everyone can come to the cross
It doesn't matter what you've done
Everyone can come to the cross
Sinner, come today
Come today, at the cross there is room
Blessed thought for everyone
For everyone can come to the cross
Now a living fountain, see
Open there for you and me
For rich and poor, for bond and free
Chorus:
Music Interlude
Tell it in the Savior's ear
Cast away your every fear
Only speak and He will hear
Chorus:
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
1 day in rehab
I
slept so good, at first they didn't have all my meds but once they did I
fell asleep. They nurses don't mind re positioning me, one nurse
already knows what I want so I doing need to ask her:). This morning the
cna came and got me dressed & she saw "3:16" I told her what it
meant & she is a born again Christian too :). There is nothing to do
here, the nurses are busy I don't like their food my mom is with my
aunt and Jorma at umass.
The pt got me up in a chair and since my mom had to go to umass with Jorma and my aunt she wasn't able to bring my power chair. It gets so annoying too, I did call Ann and let her know that I do want to work Monday-Thursday, she said that I can get PT there too. I want to help lower functional disabled people and I want to work at the cancer center, Nancy said that would be good for me to help out the cancer patience. If I ever hear "I can't do this" I can tell them that I am 29 years old and it saved my life so it can save their lives too. I know my mom won't like me volunteering because then she'll loose the hours, but I really do want to volunteer and help others too it would make me feel allot better about myself
My body is stressing me out, it doesn't give me a break. Tomorrow I am going to see my orthopedic and I'm telling him the casts that he put on me they are really hurting me allot. They weigh so much and their getting really annoying, my hips and knees hurt allot too. The nurse who cleaned me up tonight she even agreed they weighed way too much. I am so frustrated, it takes a toll on me but at least here they don't wake me up so many times a night.
Today my social worker came by and she was talking about a discharge plan for me. My mom said "what if her current power chair doesn't fit?" Now I need to look for a new pca because I have a feeling that Steph is already quitting, she getting married July 18th so she needs the money. So I emailed Jessie from my church I want a older pca I don't want to go home because I'm sick of the rejection from my mom I do love her but I need more human interaction.
Grace Tells another story
MercyMe
They say don't waste your time You simply cannot find an ounce of good within the heart of man
they say we've got to lay in the bed we've made and live this life without a second chance but
I'm inclined to say there must be something more.
[chorus]
We've been told that the heart is just too far gone to save but grace tells us another story
Where glory sends hopelessness away oh grace tells us another story.
They say we cannot change there is no other way get used to it cause this is all there is they
say don't raise your voice cause we don't have a choice we're dealt this hand so learn to live
with it well i have to believer there must something more. [back to chorus]
And though we may not understand why You'd give us another chance we praise You who lets us
start again. [back to chorus]
The pt got me up in a chair and since my mom had to go to umass with Jorma and my aunt she wasn't able to bring my power chair. It gets so annoying too, I did call Ann and let her know that I do want to work Monday-Thursday, she said that I can get PT there too. I want to help lower functional disabled people and I want to work at the cancer center, Nancy said that would be good for me to help out the cancer patience. If I ever hear "I can't do this" I can tell them that I am 29 years old and it saved my life so it can save their lives too. I know my mom won't like me volunteering because then she'll loose the hours, but I really do want to volunteer and help others too it would make me feel allot better about myself
My body is stressing me out, it doesn't give me a break. Tomorrow I am going to see my orthopedic and I'm telling him the casts that he put on me they are really hurting me allot. They weigh so much and their getting really annoying, my hips and knees hurt allot too. The nurse who cleaned me up tonight she even agreed they weighed way too much. I am so frustrated, it takes a toll on me but at least here they don't wake me up so many times a night.
Today my social worker came by and she was talking about a discharge plan for me. My mom said "what if her current power chair doesn't fit?" Now I need to look for a new pca because I have a feeling that Steph is already quitting, she getting married July 18th so she needs the money. So I emailed Jessie from my church I want a older pca I don't want to go home because I'm sick of the rejection from my mom I do love her but I need more human interaction.
Grace Tells another story
MercyMe
They say don't waste your time You simply cannot find an ounce of good within the heart of man
they say we've got to lay in the bed we've made and live this life without a second chance but
I'm inclined to say there must be something more.
[chorus]
We've been told that the heart is just too far gone to save but grace tells us another story
Where glory sends hopelessness away oh grace tells us another story.
They say we cannot change there is no other way get used to it cause this is all there is they
say don't raise your voice cause we don't have a choice we're dealt this hand so learn to live
with it well i have to believer there must something more. [back to chorus]
And though we may not understand why You'd give us another chance we praise You who lets us
start again. [back to chorus]
Monday, May 21, 2012
9 days of being in pain
I
was moved to a rehab place, I am hoping that tomorrow I can get into a
chair. I've been laying down for more than a week and its very
frustrating. My hips hurt allot. I am bored. My whole body hurts I wish
that my mom would want me around more but she has Jorma. As I've said
before he wants all of her time too It makes me sad too.
Ann my dds worker is going to set me up at the day program, she said if I did 9-2 and then have a pca at nights. I know my mom won't like it. But she doesn't want to interact with me so someone needs to interact with me, I can't always stay in my room alone every night. I like working with lower functional disabled people it makes me feel better about myself.
Tomorrow their getting me out of bed finally and I am so happy, my legs and body are so sore and its so frustrating too. It's draining me out with the pain and the spasms, I miss Lacy allot and I know she misses me too because she doesn't eat or chew her bones.
I hope I can make it to relay for life, I Miss my dad allot I know he would be happy that I never gave up even when my life isn't easy
I choose Jesus
Moria Peters
I have searched to find
The meaning of this life
Something that would
Fill my empty soul
Some believe a lie
Choose darkness over light
But I will stand and let
The whole world know
I choose Jesus
I choose Jesus
The One who first chose me
I stand unashamed
Trusting in one name
‘Cause I have seen the cross
And I believe
This choice comes at cost
All other things are lost
No other love could
Mean so much to me
I choose Jesus
I choose Jesus
For now and eternity
He chose to love me
When I felt unlovable
He chose to reach me
When I felt unreachable
He carried me out
Of my fear and doubt
How I want the world to know
I choose Jesus
I choose Jesus
I choose Jesus
The One who first chose me
(I don't want anyone but You)
My Jesus
I choose Jesus
For now and eternity
For now and eternity
Ann my dds worker is going to set me up at the day program, she said if I did 9-2 and then have a pca at nights. I know my mom won't like it. But she doesn't want to interact with me so someone needs to interact with me, I can't always stay in my room alone every night. I like working with lower functional disabled people it makes me feel better about myself.
Tomorrow their getting me out of bed finally and I am so happy, my legs and body are so sore and its so frustrating too. It's draining me out with the pain and the spasms, I miss Lacy allot and I know she misses me too because she doesn't eat or chew her bones.
I hope I can make it to relay for life, I Miss my dad allot I know he would be happy that I never gave up even when my life isn't easy
I choose Jesus
Moria Peters
I have searched to find
The meaning of this life
Something that would
Fill my empty soul
Some believe a lie
Choose darkness over light
But I will stand and let
The whole world know
I choose Jesus
I choose Jesus
The One who first chose me
I stand unashamed
Trusting in one name
‘Cause I have seen the cross
And I believe
This choice comes at cost
All other things are lost
No other love could
Mean so much to me
I choose Jesus
I choose Jesus
For now and eternity
He chose to love me
When I felt unlovable
He chose to reach me
When I felt unreachable
He carried me out
Of my fear and doubt
How I want the world to know
I choose Jesus
I choose Jesus
I choose Jesus
The One who first chose me
(I don't want anyone but You)
My Jesus
I choose Jesus
For now and eternity
For now and eternity
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)