Stressed and frustrated

Today is a rainy day, I'm still going to go out because I need to get more books. In my book Jesus Life Coach it's so good, I can't put it down. I need to call Ann, I want to move out of here and go into a Christian home. After Steph leaves I have no human interaction and I get bored. The phone is always ringing, it gets annoying. I've dealt with it for to long, and I'm burnt out. This Sunday Maiju is having a purse party and I'll go but her drive way is so bumpy and my wheels bump on it. I am guessing that Suvi's mother in law and sister in law will be at the party. I want to have a fun summer with friends and go out at nights, and live and not be stuck here. My mom and Jorma won't sit outside with me in the summer Jorma drinks his beer outside & when I go out they come inside. I need something different this summer, I know that after June Steph will be busy with her wedding she is getting married July 21st I'm not sure if I can keep her after that. It's weird having her now that she's more focused on the wedding but she does agree that I need to move out here. My mom won't do my laundry, hang out with me and she does all the easy things.
So this morning I got a text from Steph saying "I will be there late, it's raining out", it got annoying how she doesn't show up for work because it's raining out. Even my mom got annoyed, Steph doesn't like sitting in my room or inside I always feel like I'm in a rush with her. She always needs to be outside or doing something else, I don't think that it's going to last very long. I have laundry that needs to be done and I know my mom won't do it. She could have come here and gave me company but she didn't want to do that either. I did call Ann my dds worker I want to volunteer some where and do something that will make me forget about my disabilities. My mom is always watching the Finnish news, and I'm not needed here I really hope that I can move some where else where I'm needed seeing as though my mom  doesn't want to interact with me she does her own thing. It's not a good feeling to have that my mom doesn't need me. Jorma had to go to umass today and of course my mom had to go with him but when she came back she got me a German chocolate egg & I chocolate. I am hoping Ann calls me back I am going to ask her how long the shared living list is because it's getting so boring living here. My mom has her life and Steph has hers and I need to start my own life.
My mom noticed on Steph's time sheet that she put that she was with me on Saturday from 9-3 and it was a mistake but my mom got mad. I wish that she would spend time with me but she's so busy with her life. The only time that she spends time with me is when she's putting me in bed and when Steph isn't here then she gets me out of bed. But other than that I really don't have much human interaction and it gets boring and frustrating at the same time too. I spend so much time in my room, Ann didn't call me back today but she probably will tomorrow and I'm going to ask her how long is the shared living waiting list. I am burnt out living here, there's nothing to do here. I miss when Siira was working with me because she would watch TV with me and sit in my room with me. But now that she's gone she goes to the club every night and drinks. My sister Miia agreed with Dawn that I shouldn't be in my room alone all the time. When I go into a spasm I need to be distracted and my mom gets frustrated with my spasms. I wish I could go talk with her but she doesn't have the patience to listen to me or she would tell me that I am complain, if one of my friends call me she goes right upstairs. I hate being in this room all the time then she wonders why I change it so often. It's not healthy for me to always be in here every night with no human interaction, she calls my sisters, my aunts then she'll go watch the Finnish news with Jorma and it's just getting to the point where I am burnt out.
One nice thing that my mom does is buys me these fill in magazines they aren't easy to do, but since I can't work out my legs I need to work out my brain. I was telling her that yesterday this boy asked his mom "does she need a license to drive her wheelchair?" and I said to the mom how cross roads & horizon tell me that I shouldn't be able to drive my chair license, they told me when I get my new chair they need to make speeding tickets and if they see me driving around places and I'm going over the speed limit they need to pull me over and my mom laughed. Jay he tells everyone that they need to watch out for me because they'll get run over by me. Last week when I was at horizon Jay saw me and he tickled my feet, Steph told him that I;m ticklish I tell them that I am a good driver and once the worship leader said "bad drivers their joy sticks wouldn't be bent like your joy stick is". They are always getting a rise out of me and I always want to smack them. When I was going down to the concert Steph and Chad slowed down when they saw me, the cars behind them looked at them like "you're not being nice to her" My next chair is going to go in speed 7 and both churches said that they need to put a huge warning in my local paper if someone sees me speeding to give me a ticket. I don't mind them joking around with me. Next Friday the Lutheran church is having a spaghetti dinner I told Steph that she's coming because they'll probably sing hymns so she said that she's going to have Chad come with us. They'll see how serious they are there compared to the born again churches they have life to them. The pastor there he still calls me the chocolate queen, I will remember to tell everyone there that I am starting to raise the money for relay for life now that it's a month away.
Everything Good
Ashes Remain
You are oxygen
On a late night drive
To clear my head when hope has passed me by
You are gravity
When I'm upside down
You help me find my way back to the ground
And this is why

(Chorus)
You're everything good, everything true
When all the world is fading, You're everything new
You are my eyes, when I can't see
When all the world is broken, You will always be
Everything good

You are all I have, and all I need
And all I am is what You've made of me
And this is why

Chorus

You're everything good to me
You're everything that I need
And this is why...