I am in pain once again

Today I am calling Ann my dds worker to get me out of here. My mom doesn't need me either, she doesn't have the patience to talk with me because of my speech. Sometimes it's hard for me to talk because of my disabilities, it gets so frustrating when I can't talk. I'm also calling my dentist and saying that I can't wait 12 hours without eating or drinking I take allot of medication and they require food in my stomach. I really think that my mom did that so that Steph wouldn't need to sleep over, my mom doesn't want anyone here past 7 because then Jorma can't walk around in his boxers. If I didn't have God in my life I would be a mess, the things I go through in my days aren't easy I miss when I could do more for myself. Last night I was talking to Dave my ex boyfriend and he said that Chris doesn't talk to him either. Dave was there for me when my dad died, the first time I kissed him in my room a poster fell and we cracked up. My dad said to him "so you're the guy my daughter likes" I told him to get off campus and he wouldn't. I am so glad that I can blog it helps me deal with things and gets my frustrations out since my mom doesn't want to listen to me Jorma once told me "I believe in God, but the difference between you & I, I don't complain about my life".
My mom and Jorma are going to bring me to the dentist on Thursday it's going to be an early oral surgery. I feel like I live in hospitals, I wish I could tell my mom how I am feeling but she doesn't want to listen to me. But blogging helps me,
I am spasming, this morning I was spasming and Steph kept me busy. My heels are always hurting me and my legs are always digging into the foot straps. Yesterday I was telling Jessie that I think the reason why I went to public school to see the difference between public school and MHS, Steph agreed with me. I wish I would have stayed there and I wouldn't be living here. Now that summer is coming my mom won't spend time with me outside, she'll go back inside when I go outside and it's not the greatest feeling in the world either. I forgot to call Ann, I want and need to move into a Christian based house where they interact with me unlike here my mom watches her shows and goes upstairs with Jorma and talks on the phone. I can tell that everything is getting worse, when I pick the color of my font I have to use a color chart with names. I went out today to barns and noble and then I had to go to the grocery store and I almost asked Steph to go for me but God asked me "what is wrong with you?" I took my question back. That's the good thing that MHS taught me was how to go places like om my own I want to go become a social worker and work for MHS and get out of Fitchburg but until I get social work field I want and need to move out of here.
So the dentist called and my oral surgery is at 7 in the morning, my mom and Jorma will bring me and Steph will have the day off but she said on Saturday she'll need to do a longer day and I don't mind. I was telling my mom that I hope I can get the phenol soon, I am always in pain and spasming. I will ask either Kayley or Beth to come with me because when I got the botox in December it cheeped Steph out. Last week when the doctor unbuckled my feet I almost flew out of my chair, it's so hard to remember to stay calm but Steph always changes the subject and it does help me. At church if someone sees me go into a spasm they remind me to breath. I miss when my life wasn't this hard, two years ago the doctor had to put me on a higher does of pain medication because I wasn't sleeping good. I was telling the dentist that I need the oral surgery in the morning because my medications can't be taken on an empty stomach. I use to have toast  for breakfast but now I need to have a carnation instant breakfast, I don't like milk but since I can't walk my bones aren't as strong as everyone else's. As much as I love chocolate I don't like to drink in my milk so Steph said that every so often I am going to switch it up between the straw berry & chocolate carnation. I am glad that my oral surgery is early in the morning so I can get it over and done with. It would be hard to clean my teeth and do fillings because I move so much. When I get the botox and phenol they always need to give me something to kind of relax me. My legs get so sore from being strapped in all the time but if they're not strapped in I can fall out of my chair, I hope in my new chair the foot straps will be better and I hope the foot plate is softer. My heel is always hurting, I go through allot in my days it's not easy but I make it through with God. My dad taught me how to be a fighter so I'm just like him. I'm also glad that he told me that doctors would tell me that I have depression but they have no idea what I go through during my day. I hope I can get the botox and phenol soon I hate how I have these spasms and my legs are always digging into the foot straps too.
Life Song
Casting Crowns
Empty hands held high
Such small sacrifice
If not joined with my life
I sing in vain tonight

May the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to You

Chorus:
Let my lifesong sing to You
Let my lifesong sing to You
I want to sign your name to the end of this day
Knowing that my heart was true
Let my lifesong sing to You

Lord, I give my life
A living sacrafice
To reach a world in need
To be Your hands and feet

So may the words I say
And the things I do make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to you