I need the doctor about my seizures, they get really annoying my whole body freezes up and I go numb. The things I deal with aren't easy but I am a strong person. God knew that I was the strongest one out of my family to handle all of this. Yesterday at church I was telling someone that a guy at the library told me I didn't have faith, that guy at the library has no idea what I've been through he doesn't want to listen to me. But the people at church they say that I have allot of faith. I deal with allot, my back is always hot, my heel is always hurting, dealing with Jorma. All he wants to do is drink and that's all so does my brother in law. It's sad to see my mom and sister be in that type of relationship. I knew Jorma still drank, he treats me differently than my sisters. I miss when it was just my mom and I, but they can't live without each other they always need to be together and I don't know how they do it. I like alone time but not too much of it, one of these days when its a rainy day I am going to have Steph change my room around because I am in here so often that I need it changed.
Wow my mom & Jorma both have attitudes, when I went in the kitchen with my headphones he made fun of me. Then my mom got me in bed because the nurse is coming and she even had a attitude. Steph left early because she had to go paint Chad's apartment.
My body is spasming allot tonight because the next two days are going to rain, Dale my former pca said that they never needed a weather man because they had me. I want to go back to my pt so that she can help me with my shoulders, I hurt them some how and when Steph or my mom put on my shirt and they lift my arms up my shoulders hurt allot. The rain, and snow make me spasm allot more and it gets so frustrating too. I wish my body would give me one break that would be nice but it never does, it would be nice if it gave me a break. When I'm with Steph or at church my body doesn't hurt this bad but when I'm at home how my mom doesn't sit in here and talk with me that's when my body causes me allot more pain and spasm and it gets very annoying too. It's not easy staying calm, but before my baclofen pump my spasms were allot worse and I was in pain allot more and I hated it. But now with the baclofen pump my spasms have eased up on me so I am thankful for the baclofen pump.
I want 20/20 to do a story on Dawn and I to show the world that just because someone is disabled doesn't mean that we're not smart. As I've said before FHS didn't want to give me my high school diploma because they told me that I would never get anywhere in life. But my friends got it for me and I am thankful for them. I want them to follow me around for the day so that people will realize that we are smart. I can go shopping myself and go to all these places myself, when I can drive myself to church or to the library or coming back I know that God will never leave me, he's always with me. I am smart, tonight in my book I read 75 pages. When I used anti depressants I didn't read but my little anti depressant got me off them and if you spell dog backwards it equals God and if you spell God backwards it spells dog. I told my primary doctor that I will only depend on God and Lacy. Every morning she brings me a toy and she spreads them all over the place for Steph. But the world needs to stop looking at people's disabilities, I believe that my 3 disabilities make me a stronger person, it wasn't easy hearing that I have the myotonic muscular dystrophy. I can't see color that good anymore so when I use color to change my font colors I have to use a color chart that I can see the different colors. I am having Steph call Chris my wheelchair guy tomorrow and having her pick out my wheelchair color because knowing me I would pick out the wrong color. But if 20/20 did a story on Dawn and I and followed us around for the day the world would know that we are more than our wheelchairs. My nieces and nephews they know that I am disabled but I can do things, when Aniika, Jeffery are here my sisters have me watch them. Yesterday Hailey helped me reach quotes off the walls, it's important that kids get to see people like myself. At church no one sees my wheelchair, they see the person behind it and it's a good feeling too. Last year when it was Mother's day my brother in law Bret, and my sister Maiju and mom were saying "you shouldn't have your headphones". I watch the traffic and my town is getting is getting the streets fixed right now they aren't the greatest but that doesn't even stop me from going out. I know to watch for traffic, I can't always be with someone. That's why I want 20/20 to do a story on disabled people to show everyone that if you see a person who is disabled doesn't mean that our brains they don't work.
Strong Enough To Save
Tenth Avenue North
You fought but you were just too weak
So you lost all the things you try to keep
Now you're on your knees
You're on your knees
But wait everything can change
In a moments' time
You don't have to be afraid,
'Cause fear is just a lie
Open up your eyes
(Chorus)
And He'll break open the skies to save
Those who cry out his name
The ones the wind and waves obey
Is strong enough to save you
Look now is not too late
Lift up your head
Let the rain fall on your face
You're not far from grace
You're not too far from grace
Chorus X2
I know the weight of this world can take you down like gravity
I know the current of yourself can take you out, out to sea
But hold on
Hold on
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