Yesterday when Jorma said "I miss that girl" meaning me, when I was in my manual wheelchair. I just discovered why he misses that me because I didn't go to church, I didn't have bible verses and good quotes on my walls. The bible verses speak to him because God is in this house now and he has the enemy inside of him. When I have klove playing he doesn't like it, he misses the old me when I was quiet and didn't do much of anything, I just sat inside and did nothing with my life. But now that I am born again he doesn't like it because I am more outgoing. He isn't a happy man, he needs Jesus. When he didn't read my letter I wanted to say "if you're so unhappy here why don't you just move out". He controls my mom and it sad to see her in that kind of relationship. My mom doesn't like when I go out, yet when I stay home she doesn't like that either. I like going to target but my mom doesn't like when I go there because of the gas. It made me feel bad when Jorma told Steph & I that he missed the old me. I'm burnt out by him always putting me down, from now on I am keeping my iPod on and ignoring him. I was making toast for myself yesterday and it got stuck and I started coughing and my mom was upstairs with him and she didn't come check on me. I have a good feeling that Jorma said "she's fine, she's trying to get your attention" but the toast got stuck and I had to drink allot and then it went down. I need to move out, my mom doesn't need me she has her shows, Jorma, my aunts, and my sisters.
One busy day
I've had a long day, Steph made us honey BBQ chicken for lunch then we were going to the park but it started to rain so she dropped me off at barns and noble and after I was done there I went to the Leominster library. I am going to start doing that from now on is going to get up and then go to barns and noble and the library on Monday's and Wednesday's since I need something different. I get bored of doing the quotes and bible verses. I was telling Steph that my mom likes to watch her shows and she puts on her time sheet that she's with me. She does get annoyed when I ask her to make me dinner or something like that. I will bring my puzzle book and my reading book, I like being out like that it makes my nights and day's go by faster. Plus in the summer time I can take my wheelchair charger with me and go to the library and get out of here since there's allot of tension here anyway. So I need to start living, there's nothing to do here. My mom doesn't want anyone to come over because then her and Jorma can't walk around in their comfortable evening close and it's a shame too because I want to live too. I want a boyfriend who could take me out of this boring house there's nothing to do here, my mom is so busy with her life and I can't always stay home that gets boring too.
Mary the woman who Lacy ran to on March 8th 2005 she got me this angels on earth subscription and she is so cute, I am going to buy her a little thank you card for her tomorrow. I am always bringing Lacy to visit her and when Lacy goes to visit her she always brings something to her. Mary loves Lacy, and I need to share Lacy with her because Lacy ran to her. That's one good thing that came out of Jorma was Lacy, if it wasn't for Lacy I'd still be on my anti depressants and I would have never accepted my colostomy either. When it gets nicer out, I need to bring Lacy to go see Mary and I know they'll love each other. I miss when Lacy would sleep with me every night but now she doesn't she leaves in the middle of the night and goes to sleep on the stairs. But tonight when I got home she was so happy to see me too she went nuts, I will never use another anti depressant even though my family would like me to use them so that I would stay quiet. Mary loved the blue berry muffins that my mom and I got her for Easter, it's amazing how God turns every bad thing into a good thing. Such as my dad's cancer through his cancer I learned that I can still live and do all these different things, I'm not afraid to go anywhere myself because I know that God is with me. That's why I like doing the relay for life in memory of him he taught me allot. I am glad that he did warn me about doctors who would tell me that I here voices. I am sure that he gets a good laugh when I go buy chocolate. He taught me lessons that I'll never forget and I am thankful that I had my time with him, when I see young girls and their dads with them it makes me miss my dad.
One busy day
I've had a long day, Steph made us honey BBQ chicken for lunch then we were going to the park but it started to rain so she dropped me off at barns and noble and after I was done there I went to the Leominster library. I am going to start doing that from now on is going to get up and then go to barns and noble and the library on Monday's and Wednesday's since I need something different. I get bored of doing the quotes and bible verses. I was telling Steph that my mom likes to watch her shows and she puts on her time sheet that she's with me. She does get annoyed when I ask her to make me dinner or something like that. I will bring my puzzle book and my reading book, I like being out like that it makes my nights and day's go by faster. Plus in the summer time I can take my wheelchair charger with me and go to the library and get out of here since there's allot of tension here anyway. So I need to start living, there's nothing to do here. My mom doesn't want anyone to come over because then her and Jorma can't walk around in their comfortable evening close and it's a shame too because I want to live too. I want a boyfriend who could take me out of this boring house there's nothing to do here, my mom is so busy with her life and I can't always stay home that gets boring too.
Mary the woman who Lacy ran to on March 8th 2005 she got me this angels on earth subscription and she is so cute, I am going to buy her a little thank you card for her tomorrow. I am always bringing Lacy to visit her and when Lacy goes to visit her she always brings something to her. Mary loves Lacy, and I need to share Lacy with her because Lacy ran to her. That's one good thing that came out of Jorma was Lacy, if it wasn't for Lacy I'd still be on my anti depressants and I would have never accepted my colostomy either. When it gets nicer out, I need to bring Lacy to go see Mary and I know they'll love each other. I miss when Lacy would sleep with me every night but now she doesn't she leaves in the middle of the night and goes to sleep on the stairs. But tonight when I got home she was so happy to see me too she went nuts, I will never use another anti depressant even though my family would like me to use them so that I would stay quiet. Mary loved the blue berry muffins that my mom and I got her for Easter, it's amazing how God turns every bad thing into a good thing. Such as my dad's cancer through his cancer I learned that I can still live and do all these different things, I'm not afraid to go anywhere myself because I know that God is with me. That's why I like doing the relay for life in memory of him he taught me allot. I am glad that he did warn me about doctors who would tell me that I here voices. I am sure that he gets a good laugh when I go buy chocolate. He taught me lessons that I'll never forget and I am thankful that I had my time with him, when I see young girls and their dads with them it makes me miss my dad.
Love come to life
Big Daddy Weave
Big Daddy Weave
I've been restless on the inside
Wondering about this heart of mine
I've been desperately trying to find
A way to prove that I'm still alive
Has the love I speak so loudly of quietly grown cold
Has my life been an empty voice?
What I say needs to be seen
I need to step out and make the choice
To let go of everything
Would You reignite this heart spark here in the dark?
(Chorus)
Bring Your love to life inside of me
Why don't You break my heart 'til it moves my hands and feet
For the hopeless and the broken
For the ones that don't know that You love them
Bring Your love to life inside of me
A generation You're calling out
Living everything that we sing about
A revelation right here and now
Of love beyond a shadow of a doubt
Love that's greater than our own
Won't remain unknown, when You...
Chorus
Love come to life
Love come to life
Bring love to life inside of me
(X4)
chorus
Love come to life
Love come to life
Bring love to life inside of me
(X4)
Wondering about this heart of mine
I've been desperately trying to find
A way to prove that I'm still alive
Has the love I speak so loudly of quietly grown cold
Has my life been an empty voice?
What I say needs to be seen
I need to step out and make the choice
To let go of everything
Would You reignite this heart spark here in the dark?
(Chorus)
Bring Your love to life inside of me
Why don't You break my heart 'til it moves my hands and feet
For the hopeless and the broken
For the ones that don't know that You love them
Bring Your love to life inside of me
A generation You're calling out
Living everything that we sing about
A revelation right here and now
Of love beyond a shadow of a doubt
Love that's greater than our own
Won't remain unknown, when You...
Chorus
Love come to life
Love come to life
Bring love to life inside of me
(X4)
chorus
Love come to life
Love come to life
Bring love to life inside of me
(X4)
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