I really don't like how controlling my mom is, it's like when I'm here she doesn't want me but when I'm gone she wants me here. She wants me in a day program, it makes me feel very unwanted by her and it's not a good feeling. I don't even want to talk to her anymore, she upsets me allot. She doesn't want to do my laundry, change my sheets or do much of anything she wants Steph to do all of that but she's also my pca. She'll do my showers sometimes but not all the time she excepts Steph to do everything and it's not fair for Steph. So we're going to the mall in Nashua New Hampshire, I wish that I was needed more in her life but I'm not, I do know that she loves me but I wish that she would show it to me. I'm in my room allot and she doesn't understand that it upsets me when I'm in my room all the time. I'll go to the library after the mall, I finished my Joel Osteen book and it was good, so now I need to get more books that's how I spend my nights since my mom sits in the living room or watches the Finnish news upstairs with Jorma. I love to read, my mom said when I was little I loved to read I like Christian non fiction and fiction books.
So Steph and her brother and his friend and I went to the salmond pond mall, I saw the Lindt chocolate store and I love chocolate in general. On the way home Steph kept saying my name wrong and it got so annoying too, I was also saying her brothers name wrong too and she kept telling me "your saying his name wrong" so I stayed quiet after that. I went to the library and got books for myself and it was nice to get out of the house. I got another tan, my mom and Steph are jealous that I tan so quickly. After I went to the library I went to get some food for myself and right when I got home my mom said "I'm going upstairs to rest"
When I went to the salmond pond mall today I was in the food court and I saw this boy who had CP I was telling the boy's mom to take him out of public school and put him into MHS before high school. I was telling her how I went there and I did sports such as basket ball, track, swimming and I did horse back riding. She said that she's going too look into it, I am happy that she will look into it, public school is okay but they don't teach anything good all they taught me was all the easy classes and I was bored there. I think that's my purpose in life is to tell parents about MHS and to get them into MHS. If I had to do it all over again I would, I had so much fun there we went to Cape Cod and we had student council the seniors went to Disney. I bet if my dad was alive he wouldn't have let me come back to public schools, I go every where myself. I like going to barns and noble every Friday and getting away from here, there are shops that I can get around too. Tomorrow night when I go I need to look for new bones for Lacy and new cookies too, the ones she has now she really doesn't like them. I see my friend Shawn sometimes I see Dave too, and I try to tell them that I have a halo but they tell me only in my dreams I have one. I see Dale there too, my friend Beka said in the summer she'll be able to meet me there :).
I am going to like having busy days, tomorrow I am going to barns and noble, on Saturday I'm going to cross roads and their having a cross roads care day. There will be a guy there that Steph is going to play match maker with, his name is Doug I know if I start dating him then Bryan is going to send me a text or call me and tell me that I belong with him. When Chris sees that I'm dating I bet he won't like that either. I will enjoy having a few busy days, it will keep my mind focused on other things than my disabilities and I won't be stuck in the house. Steph said that if she sees us giving each others numbers then she'll tease both of us. My mom and Jorma they go out with their friends on a Friday night I know my mom wants me to stay here but I stay in allot. I am going to call my dds worker and see if she found me a volunteer job, I know my mom wants her to find me a paid job at Market Basket. But two day's ago when Steph wasn't able to come in the morning she asked me "why don't you go in a day program?". I was telling Steph what my mom said and I told Steph that I'd get bored sitting in one I don't mind volunteering. II am thankful that my colostomy happened when it did, because I was supposed to be in a day program where they had PT. I will be excited if I get a boyfriend, I'll need one for relay for life and other things. But relay for life it's the hardest thing that I deal with in June. When I see the sun go down that's when the tears come but it heals me too. Steph was saying that this year we are doing the whole 24 hours of it. I need to start raising the money for it soon, I will ask the Lutheran church and my aunts and uncles I won't ask Maiju or Suvi to donate money or come because I know they won't do either. Christian my oldest nephew is graduating from middle school some time in June so I'm not asking them to come. I am looking forward to my busy days, then on Sunday is church it's going to rain that day but if I stay in my day will be long because my mom and Jorma they call their family in Finland & Sweden and I get stuck in my room.
Lift Me Up
The Alters
You lift me up with your love (x3)
You lift me up
Waiting for the sunrise
Waiting for the day
Waiting for a sign
That I'm where You want me to be
You know my heart is heavy
And the hurt is deep
But when I feel like giving up
You're reminding me
That we all fall down sometimes
But when I hit the ground
(Chorus)
You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me
So I'm letting go
You lift me up when I can't see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me
So I'm letting go
You lift me up with your love (x3)
You lift me up
I know I'm not perfect
I know I make mistakes
I know that I have let you down
But You love me the same
And when I'm surrounded
When I lose my way
When I'm crying out and falling down
You are here to
Chorus
I can see the dawn is breaking
I am feeling overtaken with Your love
With Your love
I don't know what I can offer
In this moment I surrender to Your love
To your love
You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I'm letting go
Chorus
I can see the dawn is breaking
I am feeling overtaken with Your love, with Your love
You lift me up with Your love (x3)
You lift me up
So Steph and her brother and his friend and I went to the salmond pond mall, I saw the Lindt chocolate store and I love chocolate in general. On the way home Steph kept saying my name wrong and it got so annoying too, I was also saying her brothers name wrong too and she kept telling me "your saying his name wrong" so I stayed quiet after that. I went to the library and got books for myself and it was nice to get out of the house. I got another tan, my mom and Steph are jealous that I tan so quickly. After I went to the library I went to get some food for myself and right when I got home my mom said "I'm going upstairs to rest"
When I went to the salmond pond mall today I was in the food court and I saw this boy who had CP I was telling the boy's mom to take him out of public school and put him into MHS before high school. I was telling her how I went there and I did sports such as basket ball, track, swimming and I did horse back riding. She said that she's going too look into it, I am happy that she will look into it, public school is okay but they don't teach anything good all they taught me was all the easy classes and I was bored there. I think that's my purpose in life is to tell parents about MHS and to get them into MHS. If I had to do it all over again I would, I had so much fun there we went to Cape Cod and we had student council the seniors went to Disney. I bet if my dad was alive he wouldn't have let me come back to public schools, I go every where myself. I like going to barns and noble every Friday and getting away from here, there are shops that I can get around too. Tomorrow night when I go I need to look for new bones for Lacy and new cookies too, the ones she has now she really doesn't like them. I see my friend Shawn sometimes I see Dave too, and I try to tell them that I have a halo but they tell me only in my dreams I have one. I see Dale there too, my friend Beka said in the summer she'll be able to meet me there :).
I am going to like having busy days, tomorrow I am going to barns and noble, on Saturday I'm going to cross roads and their having a cross roads care day. There will be a guy there that Steph is going to play match maker with, his name is Doug I know if I start dating him then Bryan is going to send me a text or call me and tell me that I belong with him. When Chris sees that I'm dating I bet he won't like that either. I will enjoy having a few busy days, it will keep my mind focused on other things than my disabilities and I won't be stuck in the house. Steph said that if she sees us giving each others numbers then she'll tease both of us. My mom and Jorma they go out with their friends on a Friday night I know my mom wants me to stay here but I stay in allot. I am going to call my dds worker and see if she found me a volunteer job, I know my mom wants her to find me a paid job at Market Basket. But two day's ago when Steph wasn't able to come in the morning she asked me "why don't you go in a day program?". I was telling Steph what my mom said and I told Steph that I'd get bored sitting in one I don't mind volunteering. II am thankful that my colostomy happened when it did, because I was supposed to be in a day program where they had PT. I will be excited if I get a boyfriend, I'll need one for relay for life and other things. But relay for life it's the hardest thing that I deal with in June. When I see the sun go down that's when the tears come but it heals me too. Steph was saying that this year we are doing the whole 24 hours of it. I need to start raising the money for it soon, I will ask the Lutheran church and my aunts and uncles I won't ask Maiju or Suvi to donate money or come because I know they won't do either. Christian my oldest nephew is graduating from middle school some time in June so I'm not asking them to come. I am looking forward to my busy days, then on Sunday is church it's going to rain that day but if I stay in my day will be long because my mom and Jorma they call their family in Finland & Sweden and I get stuck in my room.
Lift Me Up
The Alters
You lift me up with your love (x3)
You lift me up
Waiting for the sunrise
Waiting for the day
Waiting for a sign
That I'm where You want me to be
You know my heart is heavy
And the hurt is deep
But when I feel like giving up
You're reminding me
That we all fall down sometimes
But when I hit the ground
(Chorus)
You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me
So I'm letting go
You lift me up when I can't see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me
So I'm letting go
You lift me up with your love (x3)
You lift me up
I know I'm not perfect
I know I make mistakes
I know that I have let you down
But You love me the same
And when I'm surrounded
When I lose my way
When I'm crying out and falling down
You are here to
Chorus
I can see the dawn is breaking
I am feeling overtaken with Your love
With Your love
I don't know what I can offer
In this moment I surrender to Your love
To your love
You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I'm letting go
Chorus
I can see the dawn is breaking
I am feeling overtaken with Your love, with Your love
You lift me up with Your love (x3)
You lift me up
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