This morning I called my doctor about my seizures and I was laying in bed and my mom said "anyone would have those if they were laying like that" she doesn't believe me that I have them because she's never with me she's always with Jorma or doing her own thing. She didn't like how Steph didn't come in this morning and give my shower or that she didn't do my laundry she doesn't want to do anything anymore. Then I call my dds worker because I want a volunteer job at a day program and my mom said "why don't you go in one?" I said "what am I going to learn?" she said "once you go into a shared living you'll need to go into a day program, you should ask Ann to find you a job". I know she wants me working at market basket or CVS but I don't want to work in one those. It makes me sad that she doesn't really want me around, she did end up doing my shower and I stayed quiet and I will.
I've stayed quiet around my mom, I know where she wants me now in a day program. I went outside and she did my shower and a towel was still under me and I was bringing pillows out to do my puzzles and I almost fell out of my chair and she said "that was a stupid thing bringing these pillows out". It made me feel bad about myself then she went inside and the tears came. I'm burnt out by her and her comments too, when Steph isn't here my mom doesn't really do much with me. I know that she doesn't like the fact that I'm going out tonight but I need it. If I wasn't disabled I wouldn't be stuck inside the house at nights I need to live too and not just sit inside all the time. I need to go to barns and noble more there is more human interaction.
Steph couldn't make it to the movie so Suvi came with me and it was a good movie it was based on a true story too, it was October Baby. Everyone was crying there and it was so hard not to cry, I am glad that I don't wear make up. Suvi sat next to me and I saw tears coming down her face too. At the end of the movie my body was shaking like a leaf, I want help writing my movie but Steph doesn't want to help me. I texted her and asked her "are you coming?" and she said "I need to watch Robert" and I told my mom that and she said "everyone lies even born again Christians lie". I didn't like how she put Christians down, she does that when she's mad and its too bad. I enjoyed the movie, I got goose bumps when it was playing. I still have goose bumps. Last year when I went to see soul surfer I got goose bumps and I couldn't stop shaking. It was nice of Suvi to come I think that it was meant for her to come with me. Because at her wedding she promised me that she would hang out and she did come with me to the movie. I like having late nights and when I get a boyfriend he'll probably take me out allot too. I won't be stuck in the house and that will be nice, when I have late nights it makes me feel good about myself too :)
My neurologist called me back and she told me that if I keep having the seizures then she'll need to do another test, I asked her if they come from stress and she said that they can. I deal with allot here, if it wasn't for God I would have given up by now. I hate when they happen, especially when I am going to church myself or the library but I hate them in general. They get annoying too. I deal with allot, but I make it. I know my dad is probably proud of me for never given up on God and I never will give up on him. In my book that I'm reading Joel is talking about keeping a journal to write down your thoughts and that's what I do every night. When my dad was alive he wrote in journals too my mom doesn't like to listen to me she tells me that I complain but I don't. When I get my seizures my body goes numb for a few seconds and I get a bad taste in my mouth. My mom doesn't believe that I get them but she doesn't spend time with me. She could have taken me out today but she didn't and it's sad. When she said that I should go into a day program that hurt because I know where I really belong in her life. October 2004 I was put in a day program to try it out for a day and I got bored there, two weeks later my colostomy happened. I wouldn't learn anything from there anyway, I don't mind volunteering in one but sitting in one every day I would get so bored. I am so thankful that my colostomy happened when it did, I think it was God who had it happen. I hope that the doctor can figure out what to do about my seizures, they get annoying but she said that they can come from stress and I think they come from stress too. My body is always hurting me or it's spasming, today my mom cleaned the down stairs but she didn't interact with me and I wish that she would but it's her loss for not spending time with me. I wish that I never came back to public schools, half the people at MHS are living on their own. Like I've said in the past 4 years ago I was living on my own but then things got messed up. I know my family would never trust me living on my own but I really didn't try killing myself. One minute I was in my apartment and then the next minute I was being watched, Dawn called me and she asked me "did you try killing yourself?" and I said "no" and she believed me. But the pastor thinks I am amazing the things I go through and every Sunday I still go to church, but that's where my disabilities go away
All For You
Mikes Chair
This time, this place is set apart
I stand amazed at who You are
I'm overcome by what You've done, oh
I'm here right now, I need You now
I lift Your name above the doubt
This is my offering for You
For You, for You
Chorus:
‘Cause it's all for You, all for You
Every heart will proclaim
Every tongue will shout Your praise
All for You, oh, oh, oh
All for You, oh, oh, oh
I leave my burden at Your feet
In You I find my victory
There is nothing You can't do, oh
I'll live my life in Your renown
I'll give it all and lay it down
‘Cause I owe everything to You
To You
Chorus
All will hear, all will see
Love came down and we are free
All will hear, all will see
Love came down and we are free
‘Cause it's all for You, all for You
Every heart will proclaim
Every tongue will shout Your praise
All for You, all for You
Every heart will proclaim
Every tongue will shout Your praise
All for You, oh, oh, oh
(All will hear, all will see)
All for You, oh, oh, oh
(Love came down and we are free)
All will hear, all will see
Love came down and we are free
All will hear, all will see
Love came down and we are free
All will hear, all will see
Love came down and we are fre
I've stayed quiet around my mom, I know where she wants me now in a day program. I went outside and she did my shower and a towel was still under me and I was bringing pillows out to do my puzzles and I almost fell out of my chair and she said "that was a stupid thing bringing these pillows out". It made me feel bad about myself then she went inside and the tears came. I'm burnt out by her and her comments too, when Steph isn't here my mom doesn't really do much with me. I know that she doesn't like the fact that I'm going out tonight but I need it. If I wasn't disabled I wouldn't be stuck inside the house at nights I need to live too and not just sit inside all the time. I need to go to barns and noble more there is more human interaction.
Steph couldn't make it to the movie so Suvi came with me and it was a good movie it was based on a true story too, it was October Baby. Everyone was crying there and it was so hard not to cry, I am glad that I don't wear make up. Suvi sat next to me and I saw tears coming down her face too. At the end of the movie my body was shaking like a leaf, I want help writing my movie but Steph doesn't want to help me. I texted her and asked her "are you coming?" and she said "I need to watch Robert" and I told my mom that and she said "everyone lies even born again Christians lie". I didn't like how she put Christians down, she does that when she's mad and its too bad. I enjoyed the movie, I got goose bumps when it was playing. I still have goose bumps. Last year when I went to see soul surfer I got goose bumps and I couldn't stop shaking. It was nice of Suvi to come I think that it was meant for her to come with me. Because at her wedding she promised me that she would hang out and she did come with me to the movie. I like having late nights and when I get a boyfriend he'll probably take me out allot too. I won't be stuck in the house and that will be nice, when I have late nights it makes me feel good about myself too :)
My neurologist called me back and she told me that if I keep having the seizures then she'll need to do another test, I asked her if they come from stress and she said that they can. I deal with allot here, if it wasn't for God I would have given up by now. I hate when they happen, especially when I am going to church myself or the library but I hate them in general. They get annoying too. I deal with allot, but I make it. I know my dad is probably proud of me for never given up on God and I never will give up on him. In my book that I'm reading Joel is talking about keeping a journal to write down your thoughts and that's what I do every night. When my dad was alive he wrote in journals too my mom doesn't like to listen to me she tells me that I complain but I don't. When I get my seizures my body goes numb for a few seconds and I get a bad taste in my mouth. My mom doesn't believe that I get them but she doesn't spend time with me. She could have taken me out today but she didn't and it's sad. When she said that I should go into a day program that hurt because I know where I really belong in her life. October 2004 I was put in a day program to try it out for a day and I got bored there, two weeks later my colostomy happened. I wouldn't learn anything from there anyway, I don't mind volunteering in one but sitting in one every day I would get so bored. I am so thankful that my colostomy happened when it did, I think it was God who had it happen. I hope that the doctor can figure out what to do about my seizures, they get annoying but she said that they can come from stress and I think they come from stress too. My body is always hurting me or it's spasming, today my mom cleaned the down stairs but she didn't interact with me and I wish that she would but it's her loss for not spending time with me. I wish that I never came back to public schools, half the people at MHS are living on their own. Like I've said in the past 4 years ago I was living on my own but then things got messed up. I know my family would never trust me living on my own but I really didn't try killing myself. One minute I was in my apartment and then the next minute I was being watched, Dawn called me and she asked me "did you try killing yourself?" and I said "no" and she believed me. But the pastor thinks I am amazing the things I go through and every Sunday I still go to church, but that's where my disabilities go away
All For You
Mikes Chair
This time, this place is set apart
I stand amazed at who You are
I'm overcome by what You've done, oh
I'm here right now, I need You now
I lift Your name above the doubt
This is my offering for You
For You, for You
Chorus:
‘Cause it's all for You, all for You
Every heart will proclaim
Every tongue will shout Your praise
All for You, oh, oh, oh
All for You, oh, oh, oh
I leave my burden at Your feet
In You I find my victory
There is nothing You can't do, oh
I'll live my life in Your renown
I'll give it all and lay it down
‘Cause I owe everything to You
To You
Chorus
All will hear, all will see
Love came down and we are free
All will hear, all will see
Love came down and we are free
‘Cause it's all for You, all for You
Every heart will proclaim
Every tongue will shout Your praise
All for You, all for You
Every heart will proclaim
Every tongue will shout Your praise
All for You, oh, oh, oh
(All will hear, all will see)
All for You, oh, oh, oh
(Love came down and we are free)
All will hear, all will see
Love came down and we are free
All will hear, all will see
Love came down and we are free
All will hear, all will see
Love came down and we are fre
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