This morning I asked my mom "are you going to church?" she said "no". It's sad to see her faith go down, I know when I leave to go to church Jorma and my mom will go walking then come back and work on the kitchen. As she was getting me out of bed my shoulders started to hurt and she said "should you even go?" but if I didn't go then I would be bored since she doesn't interact with me, so I don't even bother talking to her. I don't know how I handle all this stress, God helps me though even on the hardest days. When my mom called me a mistake God was with me, when my mom got mad at me when I canceled my dentist appoint and she got mad at me God was with me too. I know that he'll never leave me, so I am grateful that I have him. I am going to church, last week there were two cute guys sitting behind me so if they are there I am going to say. Like I said in yesterday's post I've been single for a year and half and I know that Bryan wants me back but I don't want him back he lies too much and I need a honest person and no more guys who live an hour away. I thought that Matt and I would work out but he just wanted to be friends, now I don't even hear from him. I want to have a youth fun Friday night and play games, and have fun.
Jorma can't be anywhere without my mom, he needs her 24 hours. When Steph isn't here on Sundays they go kind of slow because I go to church and then come back at 1, but the day is so long. My mom puts down that she is my pca but she doesn't do anything with me, she watches her shows and I get stuck alone. It gets annoying too, a pca is supposed to spend time with a person but my mom doesn't like to and I think that it's Jorma telling her not to spend time with me. The things that I go through aren't easy, it gets very stressful here. When I get home from anywhere my mom either goes for a walk, I know that she does love me but it would be nice of her to spend some time with me and not just when she's putting me to bed. My mom is re doing the kitchen and I can't reach anything, I can't even reach the bread and I always need to wait to get the bread. Her Finnish shows are more important than I am, at nights I wonder would happen if God took me home one night would she regret not wanting to do something with me? It makes me feel bad about myself and I wish I could explain that to her but she would say "your 29 you don't always need me". When I get a boyfriend and he takes me out late, I know my mom will be texting and calling me and asking me "where are you?" but she doesn't need me she has Jorma and since he can't live a day without her she's with him more. After Steph leaves at 3 she does the same thing and it's getting really annoying and it's getting really frustrating at the same time. When I went to the Christian concert in October with Chad and Steph at 8 my mom had Maiju text Steph "we are wondering when your bringing her come?" even when we lost power and I slept at Steph's Maiju texted Steph and said "you can bring her home now, she's a night owl she'll keep you up all night" But I am always sleeping by 11:30, before I was up until 1 in the morning.
The weather is getting nicer, I went to church myself, I packed my charger with me and when I got there I charged myself up. I am so tired, tomorrow it's going to be in the 80's. Steph and I will go to the park this time I can't bring Lacy because she gets to hot so fast. She likes to go around the park and she gets so happy but the hot weather isn't good for her, yesterday when Steph and I took her to the park she got tired to quickly. I'll get tan again, I've always tanned quickly I sit there and do my puzzle. Tomorrow I need to write my testomony when I told Bryan that I need to write one he said "I need to do that also". I went to the concert tonight at my church and I drove there and I took my charger, there is a guy that I've been wanting to talk too but I'm to chicken to go ask his name. The concert was really good and I really enjoyed it, he has a son he is 3 and he's so cute. He sang for us and when he was done he bowed down for us, I know that tomorrow I will be tired after being out. I will want to stop for ice cream since yesterday when we were coming back I didn't have enough of money. I make a huge mess with the ice cream, I tell everyone that I'm a good eater but they tell me that I'm a good mess maker. I liked being out twice today it made my day go by quickly,
My mom was watching TLC and it was about homosexuality couples being able to adopt kids, that's crazy. A friend that I went to school with she was married to a woman but I guess they got divorced and they has a boy, that's going to confuse kids who get adopted by the same sex parents. Dale use to say "it's Adam and Eve and not Adam and Eve" I could never kiss another girl. The world needs Jesus people without him aren't happy people, before I became born again I wasn't really happy, I was always flipping people off and doing all these bad things. When I go into the mall in Leominster when I go into CVS there is a gay guy and he always says "come back here sweetie". It's sad how people don't believe in Jesus, when the doctors told me that I herd voices they said there wasn't a God. Today the pastor was saying that he was on the plane and he was sitting next to a guy who didn't believe in God, what is this world coming too? I am glad that I gave my life to God. Today after church was done my pastor did an alter call and I went up and my body was hurting me allot and he came and asked me "what can I pray for you?" I said my body hurts. I had a friend I went to MHS with her and then she started to like woman and later on she died. I've had so many friends from MHS who have died and sadly non of them didn't believe in God. Jorma says that he does believe in God but his actions prove otherwise so does my brother in law Brad, last weekend when he came over he asked Jorma "do you have any beer?" and Jorma said "no". Jorma hides it from me and I know that he drinks when my mom told me when he moved back "he doesn't drink or swear" but he does. When I saw about the homosexuality being able to adopt the kids will get confused when their older and I am sure that they'll ask their two moms or dads "why does my friend have a mom and dad?". The world doesn't believe in God because they can't see him but he is real, I am alive today because of him and every night I thank him for saving my life on November 2nd and he chose the right doctor to save my life that night
Does Anybody Hear Her
Casting crowns
She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind
Chorus:
Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away
Chorus:
If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her
Jorma can't be anywhere without my mom, he needs her 24 hours. When Steph isn't here on Sundays they go kind of slow because I go to church and then come back at 1, but the day is so long. My mom puts down that she is my pca but she doesn't do anything with me, she watches her shows and I get stuck alone. It gets annoying too, a pca is supposed to spend time with a person but my mom doesn't like to and I think that it's Jorma telling her not to spend time with me. The things that I go through aren't easy, it gets very stressful here. When I get home from anywhere my mom either goes for a walk, I know that she does love me but it would be nice of her to spend some time with me and not just when she's putting me to bed. My mom is re doing the kitchen and I can't reach anything, I can't even reach the bread and I always need to wait to get the bread. Her Finnish shows are more important than I am, at nights I wonder would happen if God took me home one night would she regret not wanting to do something with me? It makes me feel bad about myself and I wish I could explain that to her but she would say "your 29 you don't always need me". When I get a boyfriend and he takes me out late, I know my mom will be texting and calling me and asking me "where are you?" but she doesn't need me she has Jorma and since he can't live a day without her she's with him more. After Steph leaves at 3 she does the same thing and it's getting really annoying and it's getting really frustrating at the same time. When I went to the Christian concert in October with Chad and Steph at 8 my mom had Maiju text Steph "we are wondering when your bringing her come?" even when we lost power and I slept at Steph's Maiju texted Steph and said "you can bring her home now, she's a night owl she'll keep you up all night" But I am always sleeping by 11:30, before I was up until 1 in the morning.
The weather is getting nicer, I went to church myself, I packed my charger with me and when I got there I charged myself up. I am so tired, tomorrow it's going to be in the 80's. Steph and I will go to the park this time I can't bring Lacy because she gets to hot so fast. She likes to go around the park and she gets so happy but the hot weather isn't good for her, yesterday when Steph and I took her to the park she got tired to quickly. I'll get tan again, I've always tanned quickly I sit there and do my puzzle. Tomorrow I need to write my testomony when I told Bryan that I need to write one he said "I need to do that also". I went to the concert tonight at my church and I drove there and I took my charger, there is a guy that I've been wanting to talk too but I'm to chicken to go ask his name. The concert was really good and I really enjoyed it, he has a son he is 3 and he's so cute. He sang for us and when he was done he bowed down for us, I know that tomorrow I will be tired after being out. I will want to stop for ice cream since yesterday when we were coming back I didn't have enough of money. I make a huge mess with the ice cream, I tell everyone that I'm a good eater but they tell me that I'm a good mess maker. I liked being out twice today it made my day go by quickly,
My mom was watching TLC and it was about homosexuality couples being able to adopt kids, that's crazy. A friend that I went to school with she was married to a woman but I guess they got divorced and they has a boy, that's going to confuse kids who get adopted by the same sex parents. Dale use to say "it's Adam and Eve and not Adam and Eve" I could never kiss another girl. The world needs Jesus people without him aren't happy people, before I became born again I wasn't really happy, I was always flipping people off and doing all these bad things. When I go into the mall in Leominster when I go into CVS there is a gay guy and he always says "come back here sweetie". It's sad how people don't believe in Jesus, when the doctors told me that I herd voices they said there wasn't a God. Today the pastor was saying that he was on the plane and he was sitting next to a guy who didn't believe in God, what is this world coming too? I am glad that I gave my life to God. Today after church was done my pastor did an alter call and I went up and my body was hurting me allot and he came and asked me "what can I pray for you?" I said my body hurts. I had a friend I went to MHS with her and then she started to like woman and later on she died. I've had so many friends from MHS who have died and sadly non of them didn't believe in God. Jorma says that he does believe in God but his actions prove otherwise so does my brother in law Brad, last weekend when he came over he asked Jorma "do you have any beer?" and Jorma said "no". Jorma hides it from me and I know that he drinks when my mom told me when he moved back "he doesn't drink or swear" but he does. When I saw about the homosexuality being able to adopt the kids will get confused when their older and I am sure that they'll ask their two moms or dads "why does my friend have a mom and dad?". The world doesn't believe in God because they can't see him but he is real, I am alive today because of him and every night I thank him for saving my life on November 2nd and he chose the right doctor to save my life that night
Does Anybody Hear Her
Casting crowns
She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind
Chorus:
Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away
Chorus:
If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her
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