I hurt my shoulder somehow, it's hurting allot. I called the place where my bed is being ordered and the doctor did send them a letter. I know that will help me get into bed at nights, since my mom doesn't want to use the hoyer lift. I wish that she would use it, when Steph uses it my shoulders they don't hurt bad. My back is bad enough as it is, and doing more transfers they hurt. My mom is always in a rush to put me to bed to get upstairs with Jorma. It was so calm when he wasn't here, but he needs my mom all the time. He controls her too, he tells her when it's coffee time and all this junk it's sad to see him control her like that. But she wants to live like that so it's her own fault for wanting to live with him and be controlled. When he sees me he gives me a fake smile and I know that he wants me out of here so he can have my mom to himself.
Today I am going to call my dds worker and see if she can get me a volunteer job and out of here, I need something new to do during the days. I don't mind going to barns and noble on weekends but during the days I want to do something new and help out lower functional disabled people and make myself feel better about myself. When I see Steph's engagement ring on and now she's planning her wedding it puts me in a weird position. Yesterday when I was doing my puzzle book she was planning her wedding and I know that she'll want me to go to her wedding and I'll go. But I really want a volunteer job to make me forget about my 3 disabilities and help me focus on helping others. I am one strong young lady, the things that I go through between Jorma, my mom and the phone spasms, seizures. Steph doesn't know how I deal with it, but God helps me out. I want and need more friends around here to do things with at nights. I want a good boyfriend too, who could take me out a couple nights a week and get me out of this stressful house!
Steph and I left my house at 10:30 this morning, I had to bring Mary her Easter present. I got her some blue berry muffins and a really nice card. Mary is so cute, her mind is slowly going though because when Steph said "these are from Minna and Lacy" and then she asked us, "where is Lacy". We didn't want to take her because we were going to walmart and then we went to the mall. I was going to hang out with Beth my friend but her boyfriends car wasn't working so I went to barns and noble. I had to get new bottles, the one's that I use get old. When we got home my mom didn't even unpack any of my things, she was so in a rush to take her shower and call my sister. It would have been nice if she would have unpacked my things. I've had so many seizures today and their getting really annoying too, when I went into walmart I crashed into a table then at the mall I crashed into the wall there and its getting very stressful too. I think they are coming from stress from Jorma and the things that I deal with him and my mom. It gets so annoying too, I wish the doctor could put me on some medication for them. The next time I go get my baclofen pump filled I don't see her but on Monday I will call my primary or the doctor that deals with my spasms. But I am strong person and I can deal with them, I deal with allot between my mom, and Jorma. My mom would rather talk on the phone or watch the Finnish news and on Wednesday and Saturday nights she watches these Finnish soap operas and she's going to be 63. I never got into them and I am glad I never did.
Next week Steph and I are going to see if Leominster hospital is hiring volunteers if not Ann my dds worker is going to talk to the person from the day program that I wanted to volunteer at. I need something different to do during the days, even if its volunteering at the hospital anything to keep my mind focused off my spasms and pain. I am going to meet with the botox doctor this month so hopefully she'll able to give me more botox. When I am at church or some where else my mind isn't focused on the pain or spasms. Such as tonight when I went to barns and noble my mind wasn't focused on the pain or spasm and people there are always willing to help me out. Sunday Maiju and I are going to have an Easter egg hunt for my two nieces, I asked Steph if she would teach her kids about the Easter Bunny or Santa Clause. and she said that she won't teach them about either one of them. I knew there was no Santa after my brother in law Bret came home early from church and then I stopped believing in him. When Steph and I went to the mall today the Easter Bunny was there, thats not what Easter is about. But when I am at church or the library or some where other than here then my spasms and pain go away. I am so tired right now, but with my medications I always need to wait an half hour before getting into bed, I take allot of medications at night. When I was at MHS I really wasn't this spastic but when public school took me out of MHS thats when the pain and spasms got worse, because public school took away pt and I wish they hadn't taken it away or had left me at MHS. All my friends from there their living on their own and I know my family would never trust me because of what happened 4 years ago, but I didn't try and kill myself. I always had someone in my room with me and they needed to watch when I would blog, and they had to listen when Dawn called. I wish that I could move out but oh well, the volunteering will help me to be less focused off my pain and spasms.
Spoken for
MercyMe
MercyMe
Take this world from me
Don't need it anymore
For I am finally free
My heart is spoken for
Oh and I praise You
Oh and I worship You
Chorus:
Covered by a love divine
Child of the risen Lord
To hear You say "This one's mine"
My heart is spoken for.
Now I have a peace
That I've never known before
I find myself complete
My heart is spoken for
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