I am glad that I got a chance to talk with Dale about a new pca, and she told me to find a mature one who is married. Steph has cancled on me so many times, and its not fair for my mom. I want to see if barns and noble is hiring, if they are I want to work there or some where else where I would enjoy it. I would have my pca get me up and ready and when I was done I would have them come back make me dinner. My mom wants me working at Market Basket, but that wouldn't be fun for me. I'd rather work some place where I would enjoy it and not hate it. I want a pca who likes to read and do puzzle books, I love to read and doing puzzle books. Steph is a great worker but we really don't have anything in common, she won't come into the library or barns and noble. It's not easy being disabled and having pca's who don't have anything in common with you. Siira my oldest niece before she went to visit Florida she loved being here but then all her friends wanted her back there so last January she moved back there. It's not easy being me, between loosing my dad at 16 I use to be able to walk on a walker, do my own showers and I was allot closer to Suvi. I am glad that I was able to talk to Dale about a pca, I didn't want to talk to my mom about it because I knew she wouldn't like it.
This afternoon I went to the cross roads care and I had fun I won 2 dunkin donuts gift cards, there are $5 each. I am happy, that I went. I went all around to the different places, and I get to go to PT and get my back worked on, I know that will help. The PT that I'm going too she's known me ever since I was little so it will be good. On the way back Steph was quiet and Jamie her cousin she takes cares of a elderly woman and her son goes to my church, and her son told Jamie that I was looking for a new pca. Steph and I don't have anything in common, she's busy planning her wedding and she doesn't like coming into the library or barns and noble. I'm looking for a volunteer job or even a paid job and I know that either way Steph will leave. While I was there someone told me that I should write my testimony and carry it with me and I can save people that way. Dawn my best friend called me and I was telling her that I want to go back to school and become a social worker and she said that I should go back and then get a job at MHS and if public school wants to take a student out of MHS I will show the picture of when I was able to walk on a walker and do my showers. Dawn encourages me to do things for myself such as go back to school and become a social worker. I am going to call Ann my dds worker on Monday and see if she can first find me a job and help me get to Monty Tech in the fall. After Steph gets married she's going to have kids and move on with her life so I need to move on with my life. I know my mom wants me in a day program and taking anti depressants but that's not who I am. It does help to talk with Dawn, my sisters have no idea what it's like to be disabled and to live in this pain. I miss when I could do things myself, my mom only seems to care about my showers.
My body is spasming right now and it's hurting allot too, I have the botox evaluation this up coming Wednesday I hope that she can do it soon. It's going to rain tomorrow, when it changes weather my body doesn't like it. My tone is worse too, I hope my new chair the foot plate is better than the one that I have now. I hate when my back gets hot, my life isn't easy. I miss having a boyfriend, when Chris and I were dating he would call me at nights and he was able to keep me calm. Tomorrow at horizon there is a guy who I think is cute, and he loves Jesus too but I'm to shy to go say hi to him maybe God will give me the courage to go ask his name. I don't like how Jamie is coming because I know the reason why it's to find out who I told that I'm looking for a new pca. When Steph was driving home from church she didn't look happy and I want to know who told Jamie that I was looking for a new pca. I was telling Dawn that she's always in a rush to leave from here too, Dawn said that I need to find a pca who likes doing crafts like Siira use too and who likes dogs. Steph really doesn't like animals but Lacy is a huge part of my life, she got me to accept my colostomy when I didn't want to accept my colostomy. So the pca needs to like dogs, Siira and Dale they loved Lacy and who couldn't love her she's so cute. When I come home from somewhere she goes nuts, when I leave she always looks sad. Dale was telling me yesterday that Mary loves Lacy allot and she's always talking about her too.
Today when I was at cross roads I was telling people how I came to Christ, after I turned 21 I began to drink and swear and I was raised Lutheran. I was telling them how I do relay for life in memory of my dad every June. Even though my dad had the cancer he still lived and I am thankful that he taught me how to live. I don't like to depend on anyone, then I got on the subject how God uses my disabilities to help other disabled people go to MHS. Dawn and and I were talking about it this afternoon and I was telling her how I was in the life skills program at FHS and I didn't learn anything. I know if my dad was alive he would have kept me at MHS, but now I'm able to help other disabled parents to get their disabled kids out of public school and into MHS. They told me that I need to write down all the things that have had happened to me and that will inspire allot of people, the guy at the library who once saw me and said "you need to have faith" and I was tempted to say "you hardly know me and I have allot of faith". Steph and other people have told me if my sisters would have gone through all the things that I've gone through they would have given up. It's sad to see Suvi marry someone who doesn't like going to church, he likes to drink same like Jorma. I have allot of faith, I amaze allot of people at church and every where I go. I don't let my disabilities stop me and why should I? my dad went skiing and he did allot even though he had stage 3 colon cancer. I miss going skiing but 4 years ago I broke my t2 in my back and my femur too, so I don't want to make that mistake again. I was telling them that my mom needs prayer, when Jorma left for a few days we woke up later and at night when she put me to bed she didn't need to shut the door. It creeps me out to see him walk around in his boxers at nights so I face the other way. It makes me miss my dad when I see him walk around in his boxers, I wish my dad would have gotten the colostomy but Finnish people are very stubborn. At MHS when I disobeyed the doctors and God and now my back is always tight I wish I would have listened to the doctors and God. One thing that I'll never do again is drink, in 2007 my mom and Jorma went to Finland and Dawn and I had a party and Dale came home and she saw the vodka bottles in the kitchen. That same summer, our friend Jenny came from New York and we went to the bar down the street. I haven't drank in 4 years and I never will again, it was at shake a leg and I remember going to the bar but not coming back from the bar. I am glad that I went to the Christian coffee house and got saved that was the best thing that ever has happened to me depending on God more than doctors and anti depressants
Mountain Of God
Third Day
Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
And I didn't even know
That I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
‘Til You opened up my eyes
I never knew
That I couldn't ever make it
Without You
Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God
As I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But You are always there
To bring me back again
Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from
And the things I've left behind
But of all I've had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what's in front of me
With what's in front of me
This afternoon I went to the cross roads care and I had fun I won 2 dunkin donuts gift cards, there are $5 each. I am happy, that I went. I went all around to the different places, and I get to go to PT and get my back worked on, I know that will help. The PT that I'm going too she's known me ever since I was little so it will be good. On the way back Steph was quiet and Jamie her cousin she takes cares of a elderly woman and her son goes to my church, and her son told Jamie that I was looking for a new pca. Steph and I don't have anything in common, she's busy planning her wedding and she doesn't like coming into the library or barns and noble. I'm looking for a volunteer job or even a paid job and I know that either way Steph will leave. While I was there someone told me that I should write my testimony and carry it with me and I can save people that way. Dawn my best friend called me and I was telling her that I want to go back to school and become a social worker and she said that I should go back and then get a job at MHS and if public school wants to take a student out of MHS I will show the picture of when I was able to walk on a walker and do my showers. Dawn encourages me to do things for myself such as go back to school and become a social worker. I am going to call Ann my dds worker on Monday and see if she can first find me a job and help me get to Monty Tech in the fall. After Steph gets married she's going to have kids and move on with her life so I need to move on with my life. I know my mom wants me in a day program and taking anti depressants but that's not who I am. It does help to talk with Dawn, my sisters have no idea what it's like to be disabled and to live in this pain. I miss when I could do things myself, my mom only seems to care about my showers.
My body is spasming right now and it's hurting allot too, I have the botox evaluation this up coming Wednesday I hope that she can do it soon. It's going to rain tomorrow, when it changes weather my body doesn't like it. My tone is worse too, I hope my new chair the foot plate is better than the one that I have now. I hate when my back gets hot, my life isn't easy. I miss having a boyfriend, when Chris and I were dating he would call me at nights and he was able to keep me calm. Tomorrow at horizon there is a guy who I think is cute, and he loves Jesus too but I'm to shy to go say hi to him maybe God will give me the courage to go ask his name. I don't like how Jamie is coming because I know the reason why it's to find out who I told that I'm looking for a new pca. When Steph was driving home from church she didn't look happy and I want to know who told Jamie that I was looking for a new pca. I was telling Dawn that she's always in a rush to leave from here too, Dawn said that I need to find a pca who likes doing crafts like Siira use too and who likes dogs. Steph really doesn't like animals but Lacy is a huge part of my life, she got me to accept my colostomy when I didn't want to accept my colostomy. So the pca needs to like dogs, Siira and Dale they loved Lacy and who couldn't love her she's so cute. When I come home from somewhere she goes nuts, when I leave she always looks sad. Dale was telling me yesterday that Mary loves Lacy allot and she's always talking about her too.
Today when I was at cross roads I was telling people how I came to Christ, after I turned 21 I began to drink and swear and I was raised Lutheran. I was telling them how I do relay for life in memory of my dad every June. Even though my dad had the cancer he still lived and I am thankful that he taught me how to live. I don't like to depend on anyone, then I got on the subject how God uses my disabilities to help other disabled people go to MHS. Dawn and and I were talking about it this afternoon and I was telling her how I was in the life skills program at FHS and I didn't learn anything. I know if my dad was alive he would have kept me at MHS, but now I'm able to help other disabled parents to get their disabled kids out of public school and into MHS. They told me that I need to write down all the things that have had happened to me and that will inspire allot of people, the guy at the library who once saw me and said "you need to have faith" and I was tempted to say "you hardly know me and I have allot of faith". Steph and other people have told me if my sisters would have gone through all the things that I've gone through they would have given up. It's sad to see Suvi marry someone who doesn't like going to church, he likes to drink same like Jorma. I have allot of faith, I amaze allot of people at church and every where I go. I don't let my disabilities stop me and why should I? my dad went skiing and he did allot even though he had stage 3 colon cancer. I miss going skiing but 4 years ago I broke my t2 in my back and my femur too, so I don't want to make that mistake again. I was telling them that my mom needs prayer, when Jorma left for a few days we woke up later and at night when she put me to bed she didn't need to shut the door. It creeps me out to see him walk around in his boxers at nights so I face the other way. It makes me miss my dad when I see him walk around in his boxers, I wish my dad would have gotten the colostomy but Finnish people are very stubborn. At MHS when I disobeyed the doctors and God and now my back is always tight I wish I would have listened to the doctors and God. One thing that I'll never do again is drink, in 2007 my mom and Jorma went to Finland and Dawn and I had a party and Dale came home and she saw the vodka bottles in the kitchen. That same summer, our friend Jenny came from New York and we went to the bar down the street. I haven't drank in 4 years and I never will again, it was at shake a leg and I remember going to the bar but not coming back from the bar. I am glad that I went to the Christian coffee house and got saved that was the best thing that ever has happened to me depending on God more than doctors and anti depressants
Mountain Of God
Third Day
Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
And I didn't even know
That I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
‘Til You opened up my eyes
I never knew
That I couldn't ever make it
Without You
Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God
As I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But You are always there
To bring me back again
Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from
And the things I've left behind
But of all I've had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what's in front of me
With what's in front of me
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