My mom has gotten really rude, it's because of Jorma. I don't have the enegery to live here anymore, between her and Jorma they both drive me crazy & that's why I get the seizures. I really want to move out, I know tomorrow when my brother in law Bret is here everyone is going to tell me "you shouldn't drive that fast, and you shouldn't have your music". But if I was able to drive my own car then I would have music playing. I know that Jorma will show his really nice side to him like he always does, but Maiju and I are going to hide candy so my two nieces Hailey 9, and Ella 6. My nephew Christian will sit on the couch, and do nothing. If Suvi comes then I am going to ask her for he money for my barns and noble membership card that she promised me on my birthday.
I don't know what has gotten into my mom lately, she's always upset about something. Steph and I went out, and we just sat in the van when we got home she said "did you get her medication?" and I said "I forgot" she said "that's not something new". But she is my pca too and she can't always do the easy things such as, putting me to bed and filling my medications. Ever since Jorma has moved back here she's changed she really doesn't want to do things with me, she took me to Market Basket on Wednesday. I miss when she would take me to the mall and do fun things like that but her main focus is on Jorma, her shows and the phone. It makes me feel unwanted and only used for her money. Steph and I got back at 2 and she said "we are going to Mary's".
Two weeks ago when my mom let Jorma move back in she said "he doesn't drink or swear", earlier I went into the kitchen and saw a beer bottle. I was so tempted to tell my mom, "so he doesn't drink? what is this beer bottle from?" it gets annoying how my family they lie to me so many times. Maiju would always call Ellen, and all these things. I knew Jorma drank, even Dawn knew it. The world thinks that just because someone is disabled that our brains don't work. Same like that guy who was telling me I need to have faith. I have allot more faith than any one in my family. Steph says its because I've gone through allot more than they have. I use to be able to do allot more myself before FHS but after the year was done I couldn't do much. I wish I could get out of my chair when I wanted too but I always need to ask and it gets annoying to always having to ask someone. I wish my mom would use the hoyer lift but she wants to get upstairs with Jorma quickly. Suvi and her husband came by and I herd Jorma offer Brad a beer and Brad said "no, I already drank yesterday". This June will be 4 years that I last drank and I will never drink again, it was fun at the time but the next day that wasn't fun. I think that's why Al came into my life to get me out of the Lutheran church, my friend Dawn and I would drink and swear. This July will be 4 years that I've become a born again Christian. Steph was telling me that when we went to Bread of life church two weeks ago the pastor told her never to bring me there again. I guess all the born again pastors meet once a month, July of last year my mom was going to bring me to cross roads and Jay and Pastor Bryan didn't see anyone with me so they told me that I had to leave. At horizon I sit next to Kayley, or Beth their willing to help me.
Tomorrow is Easter, and Maiju and I are having an Easter egg hunt with my two nieces. I got chocolate, and we'll hang out here. Suvi and Brad will go Brad's moms house for Easter. I really don't think that Christians should teach their children about Santa or the Easter bunny. My church that I go to if its nice out they'll have the service outside or if its kind of raining they'll have it inside. My mom is making chicken and something else to go with it, my nephew Christian all he eats is mac and cheese. I would get sick of eating the same thing every day. I will have my mom do my hair different tomorrow I'll wear it down and she'll probably put a nice shirt on me like she always does. I am sure the girls will love the chocolate, I know I will. On Monday I'll go to the store and buy all the dis count chocolate, I love any type of chocolate I can't have nuts. Steph said that when she gets to heaven she's going to ask my dad "why did you name her your chocolate queen? because when I worked for her that's what she always had in her room". In my book that I am reading about the dad and close daughter he's writing her journals so after he is done fighting the cancer he can leave her the journals. The same with my dad, he left all of us journals and in mine it always says "here we go again another surgery". I've had so many surgeries in my 29 years and I still keep fighting. Maiju got allot of chocolate and I know if it's nice out the girls will want to be outside and some how I always am always with them but that's fine because I love them. When Miia, and Aniika and Jeffery were here I had 4 little ones to watch and Jeffery and Ella took off on me and they went to hide behind the house. They keep me busy, and they laugh when they hide from me so do my sisters. I don't mind spending time with Hailey and Ella tomorrow, they love me. It's good that they see what I can do so when they get into middle school and high school they will be able to see that just because someones legs they don't work the rest of us still do. Steph was saying when she was in school she would see the life skills kids and there were high functional disabled people she thought all disabled people were slow. But now that she's meet me she thinks differently. Aniika and Jeffery had a boy with cp in their pre-school class and no one played with him except them two and when their teacher asked Miia why she said that I was disabled. It is important that kids spend time with disabled people so they know that just because our legs might not work that our minds do.
Space Between Us
Building 4:29
Look at my heart again
Look at the mess I've got it in
I'm trying to trust in You
To know that you'll see me through
Through my pride
Through my shame
Into Your love
Into Your grace
I'm not looking back
Till I see Your face
And I'm running straight to You
Because
All I really want to do is to fall into
The emptiness that is
The space in-between us
To break this division
All I really want to do is to fall into
The emptiness that is
The space in-between us
Erase it and bring us together again
My life's like an open book
Nothing is hidden when you look
You break through my boundaries
Revealing my insecurities
But through my pride
And through my shame
You show me love
You show me grace
I'm not looking back
Till I see your face
And I'm running straight to you
Because
Here I am saying I need you
I know I need you
Here I am, I'm coming to meet you
Cause I want to see you
I don't know what has gotten into my mom lately, she's always upset about something. Steph and I went out, and we just sat in the van when we got home she said "did you get her medication?" and I said "I forgot" she said "that's not something new". But she is my pca too and she can't always do the easy things such as, putting me to bed and filling my medications. Ever since Jorma has moved back here she's changed she really doesn't want to do things with me, she took me to Market Basket on Wednesday. I miss when she would take me to the mall and do fun things like that but her main focus is on Jorma, her shows and the phone. It makes me feel unwanted and only used for her money. Steph and I got back at 2 and she said "we are going to Mary's".
Two weeks ago when my mom let Jorma move back in she said "he doesn't drink or swear", earlier I went into the kitchen and saw a beer bottle. I was so tempted to tell my mom, "so he doesn't drink? what is this beer bottle from?" it gets annoying how my family they lie to me so many times. Maiju would always call Ellen, and all these things. I knew Jorma drank, even Dawn knew it. The world thinks that just because someone is disabled that our brains don't work. Same like that guy who was telling me I need to have faith. I have allot more faith than any one in my family. Steph says its because I've gone through allot more than they have. I use to be able to do allot more myself before FHS but after the year was done I couldn't do much. I wish I could get out of my chair when I wanted too but I always need to ask and it gets annoying to always having to ask someone. I wish my mom would use the hoyer lift but she wants to get upstairs with Jorma quickly. Suvi and her husband came by and I herd Jorma offer Brad a beer and Brad said "no, I already drank yesterday". This June will be 4 years that I last drank and I will never drink again, it was fun at the time but the next day that wasn't fun. I think that's why Al came into my life to get me out of the Lutheran church, my friend Dawn and I would drink and swear. This July will be 4 years that I've become a born again Christian. Steph was telling me that when we went to Bread of life church two weeks ago the pastor told her never to bring me there again. I guess all the born again pastors meet once a month, July of last year my mom was going to bring me to cross roads and Jay and Pastor Bryan didn't see anyone with me so they told me that I had to leave. At horizon I sit next to Kayley, or Beth their willing to help me.
Tomorrow is Easter, and Maiju and I are having an Easter egg hunt with my two nieces. I got chocolate, and we'll hang out here. Suvi and Brad will go Brad's moms house for Easter. I really don't think that Christians should teach their children about Santa or the Easter bunny. My church that I go to if its nice out they'll have the service outside or if its kind of raining they'll have it inside. My mom is making chicken and something else to go with it, my nephew Christian all he eats is mac and cheese. I would get sick of eating the same thing every day. I will have my mom do my hair different tomorrow I'll wear it down and she'll probably put a nice shirt on me like she always does. I am sure the girls will love the chocolate, I know I will. On Monday I'll go to the store and buy all the dis count chocolate, I love any type of chocolate I can't have nuts. Steph said that when she gets to heaven she's going to ask my dad "why did you name her your chocolate queen? because when I worked for her that's what she always had in her room". In my book that I am reading about the dad and close daughter he's writing her journals so after he is done fighting the cancer he can leave her the journals. The same with my dad, he left all of us journals and in mine it always says "here we go again another surgery". I've had so many surgeries in my 29 years and I still keep fighting. Maiju got allot of chocolate and I know if it's nice out the girls will want to be outside and some how I always am always with them but that's fine because I love them. When Miia, and Aniika and Jeffery were here I had 4 little ones to watch and Jeffery and Ella took off on me and they went to hide behind the house. They keep me busy, and they laugh when they hide from me so do my sisters. I don't mind spending time with Hailey and Ella tomorrow, they love me. It's good that they see what I can do so when they get into middle school and high school they will be able to see that just because someones legs they don't work the rest of us still do. Steph was saying when she was in school she would see the life skills kids and there were high functional disabled people she thought all disabled people were slow. But now that she's meet me she thinks differently. Aniika and Jeffery had a boy with cp in their pre-school class and no one played with him except them two and when their teacher asked Miia why she said that I was disabled. It is important that kids spend time with disabled people so they know that just because our legs might not work that our minds do.
Space Between Us
Building 4:29
Look at my heart again
Look at the mess I've got it in
I'm trying to trust in You
To know that you'll see me through
Through my pride
Through my shame
Into Your love
Into Your grace
I'm not looking back
Till I see Your face
And I'm running straight to You
Because
All I really want to do is to fall into
The emptiness that is
The space in-between us
To break this division
All I really want to do is to fall into
The emptiness that is
The space in-between us
Erase it and bring us together again
My life's like an open book
Nothing is hidden when you look
You break through my boundaries
Revealing my insecurities
But through my pride
And through my shame
You show me love
You show me grace
I'm not looking back
Till I see your face
And I'm running straight to you
Because
Here I am saying I need you
I know I need you
Here I am, I'm coming to meet you
Cause I want to see you
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