Tonight I'm going to my favorite place on a Friday night barns and noble even though my mom doesn't like when I go, but she goes out with her friends and I stay in the house for way to long. When I have friends over she doesn't like that either, I need some human interaction. Like I've said before if I wasn't disabled I wouldn't be in the house every night, I need to live too. God could call me home and I want to live life and not be stuck in the house. Tomorrow when I go to the cross roads cares things and there will be a guy there and I know my mom won't like if he takes me out but I need to live too. My two sisters who live close to me they're always out and I need to live too. I see Dale sometimes at barns and noble and we talk, and then we get desert
Jorma makes me laugh because when he passes my room he always looks in here, he always walks around here with a grumpy face to him he needs Jesus so does my mom. A person without Jesus their lives aren't happy, when I wasn't walking with God Ellen even said that when I was going to see her before I was born again I wasn't happy. I always depended on anti depressants and now I depend on God more than anti depressants. I know my family would like me to be on them but I don't want to be on them because I don't want to do anything when I'm on them. The anti depressant that the doctor put me on it did nerve damage to my hand and now I need botox in that hand.
I went to barns and noble, while Steph and I were sitting outside my mom came back from her walk and she told Steph "can you do her laundry? because I am going out tonight" but my mom is also my pca and she should be doing some of the job but she won't she only wants to do the easy things and I need the courage to tell her "since you are also my pca you need to do some of the work such as my laundry and not always have it on Steph" I know that she would get mad but she's also my pca and she needs to do some of the work too. I went to barns and noble and I went shopping around and I forgot about my disabilities. I saw Dale there and I was telling her that Steph is getting married and I need and want to find another pca who likes the things that I like doing. On the way home Jorma always puts the mirror up so that he doesn't need to see me and he really reminds me of a woman I want to move out of here. I am burnt out by my mom and Jorma, my mom likes talking on the phone and not interacting with me. I wish I lived in the town over its Leominster and they don't have all these bad streets and they have a nice library and it's nicer. But my mom likes living in Fitchburg and I really wish that I could move out of here, I'm sick of Jorma and his mood swings. Dale had a friend with her and I was telling her friend when Dale first started to work with me I was swearing and had half naked men on my wall and when it was her timing to go I had bible verses and positive quotes and my music changed too. It's amazing how God can change one life, I also told Dale that my mom disappointed me when she let Jorma move back in and it made me sad too.
Tomorrow I am going to cross roads and they are having a heath fair, and there is a guy there that Steph is going to set me up with. Dale told me that he needs allot of prayer with me, I have clean fun. When Steph and I were sitting outside earlier today we got on the subject of Chris, I was with him for a year and half. Last January he went into the hospital and when he came back he broke up with me and didn't give me a reason for it. Bryan he lies to me all the time, I don't want to date a disabled guy. I bet if Doug that's his name and I start dating then Chris and Bryan aren't going to like that especially Bryan he's still in love with me and I don't love him anymore. I know when I go to cross roads Jay the main usher will warn people "watch out for her she'll run you over and she's not a good driver" the born again churches are always joking around with me and I don't mind. I hope that Doug and I work out, I've been single for a year and half and it's not easy, as I've said before all my sisters are married and now Steph is getting married. I will like being out of the house, today flew by so did this whole week. I like having busy days they make me less focused on my disabilities. Tonight when I was at barns and noble there was a guy there who has MS (multiple sclerosis) he works there. I was telling him about my disabilities and I like to go to barns and noble to forget about them. I want to start dating again and start getting out of the house more at nights, I know my mom won't like it but I need to live too. I get bored being here at nights, I will ask him not to take my wheelchair and if he's strong enough to take me in his car. I see my chair every morning, so it would be nice if he could take me out of my chair. My mom won't like if he comes here to hang out, two weeks ago when I wanted to have Steph and Lauren here and watch a movie she said "why can't you go out?". A while ago Dale was telling me that my mom and my sister Maiju didn't like how I was laying in bed with Chris but Maiju is fine with my mom sleeping in the same bed as Jorma. Steph told me that if she sees him give my number to him and I give mine to him that she'll do my dad's job and tease me. I am sure that he'll get a good laugh in heaven, and if he was here the first date that he would take me on he would tease me.
Everything Good
Ashes Remain
You are oxygen
On a late night drive
To clear my head when hope has passed me by
You are gravity
When I'm upside down
You help me find my way back to the ground
And this is why
(Chorus)
You're everything good, everything true
When all the world is fading, You're everything new
You are my eyes, when I can't see
When all the world is broken, You will always be
Everything good
You are all I have, and all I need
And all I am is what You've made of me
And this is why
Chorus
You're everything good to me
You're everything that I need
And this is why...
Chorus
Jorma makes me laugh because when he passes my room he always looks in here, he always walks around here with a grumpy face to him he needs Jesus so does my mom. A person without Jesus their lives aren't happy, when I wasn't walking with God Ellen even said that when I was going to see her before I was born again I wasn't happy. I always depended on anti depressants and now I depend on God more than anti depressants. I know my family would like me to be on them but I don't want to be on them because I don't want to do anything when I'm on them. The anti depressant that the doctor put me on it did nerve damage to my hand and now I need botox in that hand.
I went to barns and noble, while Steph and I were sitting outside my mom came back from her walk and she told Steph "can you do her laundry? because I am going out tonight" but my mom is also my pca and she should be doing some of the job but she won't she only wants to do the easy things and I need the courage to tell her "since you are also my pca you need to do some of the work such as my laundry and not always have it on Steph" I know that she would get mad but she's also my pca and she needs to do some of the work too. I went to barns and noble and I went shopping around and I forgot about my disabilities. I saw Dale there and I was telling her that Steph is getting married and I need and want to find another pca who likes the things that I like doing. On the way home Jorma always puts the mirror up so that he doesn't need to see me and he really reminds me of a woman I want to move out of here. I am burnt out by my mom and Jorma, my mom likes talking on the phone and not interacting with me. I wish I lived in the town over its Leominster and they don't have all these bad streets and they have a nice library and it's nicer. But my mom likes living in Fitchburg and I really wish that I could move out of here, I'm sick of Jorma and his mood swings. Dale had a friend with her and I was telling her friend when Dale first started to work with me I was swearing and had half naked men on my wall and when it was her timing to go I had bible verses and positive quotes and my music changed too. It's amazing how God can change one life, I also told Dale that my mom disappointed me when she let Jorma move back in and it made me sad too.
Tomorrow I am going to cross roads and they are having a heath fair, and there is a guy there that Steph is going to set me up with. Dale told me that he needs allot of prayer with me, I have clean fun. When Steph and I were sitting outside earlier today we got on the subject of Chris, I was with him for a year and half. Last January he went into the hospital and when he came back he broke up with me and didn't give me a reason for it. Bryan he lies to me all the time, I don't want to date a disabled guy. I bet if Doug that's his name and I start dating then Chris and Bryan aren't going to like that especially Bryan he's still in love with me and I don't love him anymore. I know when I go to cross roads Jay the main usher will warn people "watch out for her she'll run you over and she's not a good driver" the born again churches are always joking around with me and I don't mind. I hope that Doug and I work out, I've been single for a year and half and it's not easy, as I've said before all my sisters are married and now Steph is getting married. I will like being out of the house, today flew by so did this whole week. I like having busy days they make me less focused on my disabilities. Tonight when I was at barns and noble there was a guy there who has MS (multiple sclerosis) he works there. I was telling him about my disabilities and I like to go to barns and noble to forget about them. I want to start dating again and start getting out of the house more at nights, I know my mom won't like it but I need to live too. I get bored being here at nights, I will ask him not to take my wheelchair and if he's strong enough to take me in his car. I see my chair every morning, so it would be nice if he could take me out of my chair. My mom won't like if he comes here to hang out, two weeks ago when I wanted to have Steph and Lauren here and watch a movie she said "why can't you go out?". A while ago Dale was telling me that my mom and my sister Maiju didn't like how I was laying in bed with Chris but Maiju is fine with my mom sleeping in the same bed as Jorma. Steph told me that if she sees him give my number to him and I give mine to him that she'll do my dad's job and tease me. I am sure that he'll get a good laugh in heaven, and if he was here the first date that he would take me on he would tease me.
Everything Good
Ashes Remain
You are oxygen
On a late night drive
To clear my head when hope has passed me by
You are gravity
When I'm upside down
You help me find my way back to the ground
And this is why
(Chorus)
You're everything good, everything true
When all the world is fading, You're everything new
You are my eyes, when I can't see
When all the world is broken, You will always be
Everything good
You are all I have, and all I need
And all I am is what You've made of me
And this is why
Chorus
You're everything good to me
You're everything that I need
And this is why...
Chorus
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