my body is spasming again

The weather is getting better, today Steph and I will take Lacy to the park. My mom & Jorma need to work in the kitchen, Lacy loves coming with us. I've been so busy rhis week but I liked having a busy week I wish I lived  closer to barns &noble. I know my mom won't me to go there tonight. Steph leaves at 3, my mom and Jorma will either go for a walk or a nap, I need to move out no one needs me in my house. I'm just my moms option and everyone else is her priority its not a good feeling either.

Steph and I went out and when she came this morning she was telling me about this movie October Baby and it's a true story I want to see it, but Chad and Steph got invited to a place where they will eat ice cream. On the way to the park she was in a good mood but on the way back she wasn't, I'm not sure what happened. I should have gone to barns and noble because I am sitting in my room my mom is busy doing whatever she is and Jorma is doing what ever he is. I wish that she would interact with me, I am always alone and it gets very annoying too.

My body is spasming once again, it's an uncomfortable too. I got out of my chair today and that didn't even help, I hope I get botox soon, as much as it hurts it does help. I hate how my legs are always spasming, and my back is too. Steph can't watch them give me the botox because it creeps her out, I get it in my neck, back and legs. When I am at church and someone sees me going into a spasm they help me right away and reposition me. My mom really doesn't like to reposition me, the way Mary the PT showed Steph was do it from behind and pull me from behind but my mom won't do it that way. Once I get the botox my body is allot better and allot calmer too. It's not easy being me but I get by and I am able to deal with it with the grace of God he is always there. Tomorrow, I'll be able to drive myself to church this time I am taking my charger with me so that my wheelchair doesn't die half way home, since it's 5 years old the batteries aren't that good anymore. I use to be able to go from the church to my house, my town has allot of hills and when I am going up and down these hills it takes allot of my chair.

Tomorrow I am going to church, my mom and Jorma go to the Lutheran church. It is good that they go, but they come back and live in sin and sleep in the same bed. I pray that my moms soul gets stronger and that she will be able to let Jorma go. When I go to my church I am going to ask if there's any single guys there, I've been single for a year and half I don't want to date Bryan even though he's in love with me. I want a closer guy, I want someone that I can see a couple times a week or every day. Bryan has always lied to me, he says that he got sick of the Lutheran churches so he went to a born again church but I really don't believe him. I met him at MHS and then I went to camp in 2005 and I fell in love with him and a week later he asked me to marry him and I said "yes" I am glad that relationship is over. I like going to church, everyone is willing to help me and they joke around with me they call me "speedy or trouble". They told me when I get my new chair that they need to give me speeding tickets I tell them that I'm a good driver but they say that I'm not. Allot of people tell me that I have allot of courage because I go to church and I'm not mad at God. If I wasn't disabled I probably wouldn't go to church or even believe in God, my disabilities are able to encourage and inspire people. I know my dad is proud of me how I never gave up on God. I kind of walked away from God when I was drinking and swearing but now I don't do any of that. When Dale was working with me, summer 2007 she took me to her drum practice and I liked the music. When I first went to cross roads I wasn't use to the music or the clapping or raising the hands but now I am. I am hoping my friend Kayley will be there. July 2011 when Jay and pastor Bryan told me that I couldn't go there unless I had someone with me, when I went to horizon Kayley hugged me. After church I talk with people, and I get human interaction when I come home from church Lacy goes nuts. She is very tired tonight, we went to the park and I know she likes going to the park with us. It's a nice feeling knowing that someone missed me, anytime I come home from somewhere she goes nuts I always ring the door bell or knock on the windows and I hear her barking.  

If We Are The Body
Casting Crowns 

It's crowded in worship today
As she slips in trying to fade into the faces
The girls teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know

CHORUS
But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
There is a way

A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat and quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances
Tells him that his chances are better out on the road

CHORUS
Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the body of Christ

CHORUS
Jesus is the way