Last night when my mom was putting me in bed she felt how tight my legs were, yesterday after she gave my shower my right foot was blue. Next week I have the botox evaluation and I need to show the doctor my right foot and how blue it gets, as much as I hate the botox it does help me. It relaxes me, I will ask Beth to go with me because Steph can't watch me get the needles. She told me it creeps her out when she sees them poking needles into me I get them in back, neck, my legs and my left arm. But it's worth it because it helps in the end, everything is more relaxed. I did call about my hospital bed and it is coming and half of it will be gel for my feet.
I was going to the beach with Steph and I told my mom, she said "no, its to cold". She checked the weather and I guess it's going to be really windy
On Saturday when I go to the cross roads cares day there is a guy there and his name is Doug and he's single. I've been wanting a boyfriend for the longest time, ever since MHS I've always had ones that live far away and I want to be able to see my boyfriend more than once a week. So Steph said that she's going ti tease me when I go there and talk to him since my dad can't tease me anymore, she said that she's going to get Chad to tease me too. I miss having one and I want to go out in the summer and I know my mom won't like if he comes here because then Jorma and her can't walk around in their comfortable night clothes. If Ann finds me a full time job at a day program then I won't want a pca with me there because that's the purpose of me having a volunteer job is to forget about my disabilities. I know that Bryan would love me back with him but we have nothing in common he's always lying to me he is always saying all this junk. Last week he was telling me that he is a born again Christian, but on his facebook page he has the f word and I haven't used that word in 4 years and I will never do that again I won't drink either. If Doug and I start talking then I will ask him to come to relay for life and I will have to tell him that I have muscular dystrophy the cerebral palsy will be easy for me to tell him but the muscular dystrophy part that won't be easy but I need to be honest with him.
This morning when Steph came my mom was telling her how upset I was that she couldn't make it to the movie, as my Steph was getting me up she said that it was supposed to happen because Suvi promised me on her wedding day that she would still hang out with me. It shocked me when Suvi said that would hang out with me, it was nice because for the longest time I've waiting for her and I to hang out. When I went to MHS we went in our own ways, I was busy doing my thing and she busy doing her thing. When I went back to public school she was in the "cool" group where they drank every weekend and they had parties. Summer 2004 she met Brad and then Brad asked her to marry him September 2007 I remember that day it was the hardest day too. Because I wasn't dating anyone then but I was on the phone with Dawn, and she was able to help me out. July of 2009 Brad didn't want to get married so she went to Finland, then February 2010 she became my pca but I found out that she was using me to pay for her wedding and that wasn't a good feeling either. She got married October 2010 and then she was busy with Brad and her sister in law Kelly. It was nice of her to come to the movies with me. I was telling Steph today that I am getting weaker and she told me that my mom even said the same thing and if one night the Lord calls me home I hope Suvi will spend more time with me. My spasms are getting worse so is my pain and I'm getting more seizures. I don't want my two sisters who live near me have any regrets, I really wish that they would have ramps to get into their houses, when I go to Maiju's I have to use this wood piece that Jorma built and it scares me every time that I go on it. It really would help me if they built ramps to their houses, if I were them I would build a ramp to my house, I miss when I didn't need this power chair. Today I saw the prayer pastor from cross roads and I told her how God used me to get the girl out of public school and into MHS and I said "it made my self esteem go up" and she smiled. I hope that God will be able to speak to my sisters who live close to me that they will spend more time with me, my niece Hailey loves helping me take down quotes and the bible verses on my walls and putting new ones up. Maiju is visiting her husbands parents but when they get back I am going to ask her if I can watch Hailey and Ella so they can help me out with things
Always
Building 429
I was going to the beach with Steph and I told my mom, she said "no, its to cold". She checked the weather and I guess it's going to be really windy
On Saturday when I go to the cross roads cares day there is a guy there and his name is Doug and he's single. I've been wanting a boyfriend for the longest time, ever since MHS I've always had ones that live far away and I want to be able to see my boyfriend more than once a week. So Steph said that she's going ti tease me when I go there and talk to him since my dad can't tease me anymore, she said that she's going to get Chad to tease me too. I miss having one and I want to go out in the summer and I know my mom won't like if he comes here because then Jorma and her can't walk around in their comfortable night clothes. If Ann finds me a full time job at a day program then I won't want a pca with me there because that's the purpose of me having a volunteer job is to forget about my disabilities. I know that Bryan would love me back with him but we have nothing in common he's always lying to me he is always saying all this junk. Last week he was telling me that he is a born again Christian, but on his facebook page he has the f word and I haven't used that word in 4 years and I will never do that again I won't drink either. If Doug and I start talking then I will ask him to come to relay for life and I will have to tell him that I have muscular dystrophy the cerebral palsy will be easy for me to tell him but the muscular dystrophy part that won't be easy but I need to be honest with him.
This morning when Steph came my mom was telling her how upset I was that she couldn't make it to the movie, as my Steph was getting me up she said that it was supposed to happen because Suvi promised me on her wedding day that she would still hang out with me. It shocked me when Suvi said that would hang out with me, it was nice because for the longest time I've waiting for her and I to hang out. When I went to MHS we went in our own ways, I was busy doing my thing and she busy doing her thing. When I went back to public school she was in the "cool" group where they drank every weekend and they had parties. Summer 2004 she met Brad and then Brad asked her to marry him September 2007 I remember that day it was the hardest day too. Because I wasn't dating anyone then but I was on the phone with Dawn, and she was able to help me out. July of 2009 Brad didn't want to get married so she went to Finland, then February 2010 she became my pca but I found out that she was using me to pay for her wedding and that wasn't a good feeling either. She got married October 2010 and then she was busy with Brad and her sister in law Kelly. It was nice of her to come to the movies with me. I was telling Steph today that I am getting weaker and she told me that my mom even said the same thing and if one night the Lord calls me home I hope Suvi will spend more time with me. My spasms are getting worse so is my pain and I'm getting more seizures. I don't want my two sisters who live near me have any regrets, I really wish that they would have ramps to get into their houses, when I go to Maiju's I have to use this wood piece that Jorma built and it scares me every time that I go on it. It really would help me if they built ramps to their houses, if I were them I would build a ramp to my house, I miss when I didn't need this power chair. Today I saw the prayer pastor from cross roads and I told her how God used me to get the girl out of public school and into MHS and I said "it made my self esteem go up" and she smiled. I hope that God will be able to speak to my sisters who live close to me that they will spend more time with me, my niece Hailey loves helping me take down quotes and the bible verses on my walls and putting new ones up. Maiju is visiting her husbands parents but when they get back I am going to ask her if I can watch Hailey and Ella so they can help me out with things
Always
Building 429
I was standing in the pouring rain one dark November night
Fighting off the bitter cold when she caught my eye
Her face was taught and her eyes were filled, and to my surprise
She pulled out a photograph and my heart just stopped inside
She said, "He would've been three today
I miss his smile, I miss his face"
What was I supposed to say, but
CHORUS
I believe always, always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and his promise remains
He will be with you always
He was living in a broken world, dreaming of a home
His heart was barely keeping pace when I found him all alone
Remembering the way he felt when his daddy said goodbye
Fighting just to keep the tears and the anger locked inside
He's barely holding onto faith
But deliverance is on its way, cause
CHORUS
I believe always, always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and his promise remains
He will be with you always
Friend, I don't know where you are and I don't know where you've been
Maybe you're fighting for your life or just about to throw the towel in
But if you're crying out for mercy, if there's no hope left at all
If you've given everything you've got and you're still about to fall
Well hold on, hold on, hold on, cause
I believe always, always
Our savior never fails
Even when all faith is gone
God knows our pain and his promise remains
Always, always, He will be with you always
Fighting off the bitter cold when she caught my eye
Her face was taught and her eyes were filled, and to my surprise
She pulled out a photograph and my heart just stopped inside
She said, "He would've been three today
I miss his smile, I miss his face"
What was I supposed to say, but
CHORUS
I believe always, always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and his promise remains
He will be with you always
He was living in a broken world, dreaming of a home
His heart was barely keeping pace when I found him all alone
Remembering the way he felt when his daddy said goodbye
Fighting just to keep the tears and the anger locked inside
He's barely holding onto faith
But deliverance is on its way, cause
CHORUS
I believe always, always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and his promise remains
He will be with you always
Friend, I don't know where you are and I don't know where you've been
Maybe you're fighting for your life or just about to throw the towel in
But if you're crying out for mercy, if there's no hope left at all
If you've given everything you've got and you're still about to fall
Well hold on, hold on, hold on, cause
I believe always, always
Our savior never fails
Even when all faith is gone
God knows our pain and his promise remains
Always, always, He will be with you always
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