stressed out

when my mom told me that she didn't care last night it brought tears to my eyes, it hurt me allot. I know where I stand now in her life and I'm not important to her, I know that she's going to ignore me more. So hopefully I don't drop anything, such as my medication because I know now at nights she's she'll be upstairs watching tv and then put me to bed. Last night she really didn't want to roll me but I was uncomfortable then she shut the door all the way and poor Lacy today is going to get treated badly too since my mom is mad at me. Stephanie said that if my family puts me in a group home that she'll take Lacy, and Lacy and her will come visit me. I miss my dad, when he was alive my mom was different and now she has the enemy living with her. I know that Maiju is going to call, or email or message Stephanie and tell her more bad things and I'm going to tell Stephanie to please ignore her.
I'm so uncomfortable right now and I know if I ask my mom to fix me she won't, I wish that she would forgive me. I didn't want to go to another appointment I live enough in hospitals and going to one more they don't make me feel human and I wish my mom would understand that and right now the tears are coming down my face. I know that God cares and he has others who care about me so I am glad I have them and I can go to them. The dentist where I go it's all the way in Brighton Mass and it takes an hour and half to get there and I don't feel like sitting in my van when I could be outside and doing other things. I wish my mom would understand she doesn't need to go to all these appointments and she can walk, and have a life but I'm stuck in a wheelchair and going to hospitals and going to doctor's and all this other things and it does get stressful.
I went to my appointment and I really didn't want to eat for Stephanie in the morning but she got me to eat. When we left my mom gave me a look and I bet that she was happy that I was gone so that she could get rid of me. Now there is no love here and I wish that my mom could understand what it's like to go to hospitals all the time. I know that she won't forgive me for what I've done either, but I made a new appointment so that's what I don't understand why did she get mad? But after my refill on my baclofen pump we went to the park and hung out there until 3 and came home at 4. My mom wasn't here and when she got home she usually says "hi" and she didn't and I know that she is still mad at me for canceling my dentist appointment. But Dawn read my other blog I use blogger too and Dawn texted me and said "it's your teeth so why does she care?". When Jorma moved in he brought the enemy here too and it's frustrating too because my mom use to be caring until Jorma came into the picture and now she's so focused on him and Maiju and Liisa and the phone and TV.
I am so glad that I have friends like Stephanie and Dawn who I can go talk too. Dawn understands what it's like to be disabled and the only one who is disabled in the family, she has the reigers syndrome and the mytoinc md too. She's my older sister I can trust her with things unlike Miia, Maiju, or Suvi because they'll go tell the whole world about my problems and I wish that I could go to them but I can't. But with Dawn I can text her, or email her and she'll listen to me. When we're together we are triple trouble and it makes me laugh even more, we've done some things in the past that we aren't proud of but God forgave us. I will never drink again, drinking really isn't that fun you get drunk then the next second you don't know what the heck you're doing. When I was at Suvi and Brad's wedding, I was so tempted to grab a drink but God told me "no, you've been sober since 2008 and you will not drink". My mom doesn't believe me when I tell her that I did drink allot before and she says "you only drank alittle". I said "no, mom I drank allot and Dawn has the pictures". I am glad that I don't drink anymore it's really not that fun as people make it and I am so glad that I stopped for good :)