boring day

I've been trying to get my moms attention for 5 minutes and Jorma is in the kitchen and living room and he's not getting her! There is so much stress in my life, between Stephanie my mom and I. The hurricane isn't helping either its making me more spastic and I am so uncomfortable, I wish that I could do more for myself but I'm just stuck in this body and it makes me want to scream. Yesterday  after Stephanie left I cried I was so frustrated with my body and spasms and how I get treated and just every thing, I miss my old life when I could do more for myself instead of asking people. I use to be able to get up when I wanted, when I was in my manual chair. In 2006 the doctor's told me that I couldn't be in my manual chair anymore because I was damaging my back. So May 2006 Chris set  me a power chair I got the power chair October 2006 and Dale just started and she thought that Chris was cute and she still does. I kind of like my power chair it gives me freedom   but then I can't do things for myself and I always need to ask my mom or Stephanie to get me in or out of bed and it gets very frustrating too! As my mom was getting me out of bed I asked her to put this thing on my skin where I wouldn't scratch and she said "insurance isn't going to pay for this and Stephanie doesn't need to put it all around your skin" I said "I'll call Lahey tomorrow and you can talk to the stoma nurses" she said "I'm not talking to anyone"

My mom was telling Stephanie that she doesn't want a night time pca because then she can walk around in her pj's. But I need the company she does nothing with me all she does is sits out in the living room talks on the phone and watches her shows. She doesn't like to hang things up or take things down she doesn't want to do my laundry she wants Stephanie to do all that. I was telling Dawn all that and Dawn said that she should get a robe if she doesn't want the pca to see her or she can wait, but I really want someone here at nights with me. I know that she doesn't want that but I want it and I need it, I'm bored half the time and it's not fair that I need to sit in my room while she blabs on the phone and will pick up the phone for anyone else.  I need to move out, tomorrow I am calling dds and asking them how long is the waiting to get into shared living. I want a fresh new start without my new family knowing my past it's time to put the past behind me and it's time to move on to the future

Next Saturday I am going to look at the iPhone and I am also going to get a job so that way I can earn some extra cash too and pay my bill. I want to start living and that's one way that I can start living is by getting a job. I can be away from here too, I'll just need to find a new pca because Stephanie wants a full time job and I want a life and the arc won't hire me back but I really don't want to be here there is nothing to do here all I do is sit around the house while my mom does her own thing and I get bored. Tomorrow I am calling Ann from dds and hoping that she can give me an idea on how long the waiting list is for the shared living. I need more human interaction, and I'm 28 and I wouldn't be living here if I wasn't disabled I would be out on my own. I like to meet new people too so that will be good if I get a job and get into a good shared living home where I would be needed and wanted more. The only thing that needs me is Lacy my mom has her own life and she's chosen all the people who she wants in her life so I'll move on with out her and I know that her and Jorma are going to move to Florida. I don't know if Maiju or Suvi will come and visit me, I doubt it because even now they don't come visit me they only come here for my mom and Suvi comes here only on her breaks but otherwise she's busy with Brad, and work. I know that after Brad graduates from his program that they are going to move down to Florida too.

My back is spasming so badly right now and I just took my meds and they usually kick in by 11:30 or 12. But by one in the morning I am sleeping I wish my mom would get the hospital bed it would help the both of our lives easier. When I move out I am getting one all my doctors they said it would be better for me but my mom doesn't want to make her life easier and I wish that she would because getting in and out of that bed isn't comfortable and I need the hospital bed it would help me allot. My legs are tight too because of the rain and when it rains my body spasms more and it gets frustrating but God helps me. At nights I watch TV I didn't know that I could watch TV on my computer until one day I googled it and it came up as that I can watch any show. I like the Simpsons, Friends, King Of Queens, King of the hill, the nanny, who's line is it anyway? Who's line and friends are my favorite :). Tomorrow is going to be a really nice day so I will go out and I want to work at Micheal's the craft store I could get discounts on glitter glue and a bunch of things. I need to something convent during the day and then I will hire a pca when I work during the days I will have them come at nights and I know my mom won't like it but I need some company she always has company talking on the phone or Jorma and I need company too. I can't always sit in my room alone every night it gets boring, she can get a robe for herself and Jorma can wait to put his boxers on at nights.