another good day

In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer! For I have overcome the world. ~  John 16:33
I talked with double trouble last night and it was great catching up with her, we talked about the last night of shake a leg how we went to the club and drank. As I've said before on new years eve 2007 I came back from Florida and everyone thought that I got lost just to get attention and when I went home that year I went to Dawn's friends house and we went out drinking that night. I don't remember that night at all, even at shake a leg I don't remember that night either. I am so glad that I'm a born again Christian, I like the music and everything. I consider Dawn as my sister, none of my sisters knows what it's like to be disabled and I can't trust them. But Dawn I can trust, I can tell her everything and she won't blab it to everyone. I miss her but I can't go see her because my mom doesn't want Stephanie to drive there and it's too bad. I need to move out of here no one needs me here. Dawn and I also got talking on camp, I use to go there but I couldn't swim or do things. Plus they never believed me when my colostomy was leaking they always said "you're lying" but I wasn't and when I would go home I would have a yeast infection. I got bored there I am glad that I went there because I was able to meet Dawn and others who I don't really talk too anymore but oh well :).
I really want to find a born again Christian boyfriend who will see past my disabilities and past my wheelchair, I am more than my disabilities and wheelchair. I am a person and it's too bad that my family only see's the outside and I miss my dad too, I wish I had a rewind button when he was alive the family wasn't in these groups and now we are. Miia, Maiju, and Suvi are in one group because they are all married and I'm not in the cool group because I'm not married. It gets frustrating because Stephanie likes Chad and I want a boyfriend and I'm sick of being of single. Chad wants to hang out with me but I really don't want too because it's not easy seeing couples together. It will make me hate my disabilities even more than I already do, when I see my sisters all with their husbands it's hard for me to see it, because I want to be them and I know that I can't and it gets frustrating, that's why I want to move out and begin my own life and get the heck out of here. I can't spend any time with my mom, Jorma always needs to come sit out there with us and I want to say "all I want is half hour with my mom, what if God takes me one night and she no longer can spend time with me?" On Saturday I wanted to go to target with my mom alone but no Jorma had to come with us, and I'm burnt out and seeing him change everything around the house it makes me sad.

Tomorrow I am calling Rhode Island dds, I want to be closer to Dawn and I want to get the heck out of Mass. I need something different and I won't come back to Mass once I am gone I'm gone. Miia moved and Suvi will move too soon after Brad graduates from his computer class, so I will move too. That would mean two triple trouble in once state the state of Rhode Island will need a huge warning, but it will be fine. I love Dawn she is like my older sister she helps me allot, she use to be able to walk too but she can't. We use to do bad things when we were at shake a leg and other times. My mom doesn't believe that we drank she said "you two only had a little" but the truth is that we had allot to drink before. Dawn told me that dds in Rhode island is a long waiting list so I will move out of here soon, I can't live here anymore I need live just like everyone else in my family has. So it's time for me to move out and live and I know my family will call my new family and tell them about my past but Dale (my former pca) said to tell them that I want a fresh new start and I want and need to leave the past here. Everyone has a past but it doesn't need to be brought up all the time and their not prefect either the only perfect one is Jesus Christ but humans make mistakes some people like my family they don't know how to forgive and Finnish people don't know how to forgive. Jorma still has the hate letters and he wants to show them to police and I wish that he would grow up but sadly he doesn't know how too.
Tomorrow I am going to get at&t and my mom was saying "oh you need a credit card, and you had a good plan with us but you had to go change it", Maiju or Suvi they won't add me to their plans and they don't want me in their lives and it's too bad. They don't have a ramp so I can get in there easily and if they were me I would want to have them over. But they said that I've treated my mom bad and they don't want me around, but what happen to forgiveness? The worship leader at Horizon he said if they can't forgive me then they really aren't Christians I told him that they hold grudges against me and bring up my past to everyone and I wish they would forgive and forget. But I am getting at&t tomorrow so that way I can have my ims forwarded to my phone with metro pcs you can't do that and I want to have them forwarded and with at&t with the ipod phone I can check my facebook and have my music with me. When I go out on my own I need to have it because drug dealers have asked me "do you have your medication?" and I need to have my music and yes I am careful when I go out. In June of this year my mom made fun of Jesus because how said that he'll never leave or forsake us and she made fun of him. But getting back to the phone I just wanted to be independent and pay my own cell phone bill and not depend on everyone else to pay for it for me.

Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else