church was today

Tomorrow I'm hoping that seven hills will call me back because I really want to work at the day program. I know that Stephanie won't like it but whatever, I need to live too. I can't always sit here and doing the same thing every day and going out. I want to help people out too and make them feel good about themselves and if they see me doing things than they can do the same things. I am going to ask for a new pca maybe two of them and they can do every other day when I had Dale and Siira they did every other day and they were fine with it and when I'm trying to help Stephanie out she doesn't want to take it and it's her loss because I could find some one so she could have one day off and come here every other day but she doesn't want it. I need a life too, I can't do the same thing every day she doesn't like to sit around my house and during the day I need to get out of my chair. She always wants to go to her moms, but I can only go down stairs and that's it. I really want to help out other disabled people so that they don't need to depend on their parents or even if they live in a group home I want them to be able to depend on themselves instead of others. I don't depend on my mom or Stephanie to get my drinks, I can make them I buy these drink packets and then these water bottles and I mix them and their really good and I like them. That's what I would like to encourage other disabled people to do too and I liked helping them out and I do know that Stephanie is going to be looking for a new job but oh well it's her loss.
On my facebook I see all these young girls 26 and they're married I went to FHS with, I want to find a born again Christian boyfriend who will want to sit in my room with me take me out and have fun with me. I want them to look past my wheelchair and see that there is more than my wheelchair and disabilities, I wish my family would see that too. All my 3 sisters are married and every day I wonder what that's like to be married, I could have been married to Bryan but he was to immature and he always said "I went back to church and I got accepted to Fitchburg state" but I never saw that and in April he said it and I knew he was lying to me again. Chris was so nice when we first started dating and he wanted me to lay in bed with him but then January of 2011 he imed me and said "you're to much into God and he's not going to heal us". I am proud to be a Christian I go to church every Sunday and when there is a extended night of worship I go to that too and I know my dad would be proud of me, how I still go to church even with the pain and spasms and how I never gave up my faith even though I've gone through all these struggles I still love the Lord and I will never give up on him because he'll never give up on me. I want to find a good boyfriend who will accept for me who I am and look past my wheelchair and disabilities. I am funny, out going, I love Christian music I never thought that I would like it but I do. I surprise myself at times too when I see the music I use to listen too, and it's been 3 years that I've been a born again Christian and that's the kind of boyfriend I want who loves the Lord and who will see past my wheelchair and disabilities as well.
This afternoon Lacy was in the kitchen and Jorma was cooking something and he said "you have your own food" then I said "Lacy come here" and she really wouldn't. So then I went into the living room and said "Lacy if it wasn't for you or God I would have given up already". I saw Jorma shake his head and I got hurt by him and I am so sick of him always putting me down like that. I wouldn't do it to him if he was in my shoe's but he always says something like that  to me and I'm so sick of it, he wouldn't say it to my sisters but I am different and he can say anything to me. I'm sick of him treating me like that and if my mom spent time with me she would see that I do get seizures but she's either watching tv or talking on the phone and I wish that she would spend an hour with me but she's so busy with Jorma and everyone else. One day she'll regret not wanting to do anything with me so will Maiju & Suvi. Them two are so busy with their lives Maiju has 3 kids and Suvi just has Brad but they could still spend alittle time with me but they are so busy with their lives that I don't fit into. I wish that Maiju could see the mean part to Jorma but he only shows them the nice side and not the mean side. But there is a mean side and I'm not sure why he doesn't dare show that side to my sisters and I really wish that he would so that they would know that I'm not lying to them about him being rude to me. Last September when Maiju read my blog she wrote me an email and said "I love him just as a dad", Maiju told Stephanie that Jorma is better for my mom than my real dad was and I was shocked to hear her talk like that about her  real dad.  
My mom is always so concerned when I am going to get my next shower and I want to say "since your my pca you should be doing them too, since you put that you're with me than you should do one and Stephanie too" but she just watches tv, talks on the phone and does other things and when she does take me out Jorma needs to come with us too. I am meeting with my dds work on Friday September 26th and hopefully she can either get me more pca hours I know that once I get a job Stephanie will quit but I want to help other disabled people to make them feel good about themselves. Stephanie doesn't like to sit in my house we always need to be out and about and I can never relax here and it gets very frustrating. But someone at church did pray over me today and he's going back to nursing school so he said that he can find someone else for me. I said I want and need to live and I can't stay here every day and do the same thing every day that gets borning. I had 4 seizure's today and when the woman from dds came out and asked do I get any? and my mom said "no she doesn't" but she doesn't spend any time with me she's so busy with her life. I am hoping to move out of here soon and leave my mom and Jorma behind it's to stressful and its my time to leave them and maybe the seizures will go away maybe they are coming from the stress that I go through on a daily basis here.