I've been awake since 7:35 because my heel hurts and I tried to get my moms attention and it's already red and I am so annoyed with her right now! I really want the hospital bed because that mattress could be better for my heel but my mom says "you'll need to be lifted". But in the past when I had one in 2008 I didn't need to be lifted then, I really hope that I can move out of here I can't take it here anymore. Jorma gives me these looks my mom doesn't interact with me, she's busy with her life and I am always getting rejected by her! It makes me miss my dad allot he held this whole family together and now its falling apart. Jorma doesn't like church because he would rather drink beer December of 2010 I went to a boiler room prayer and they asked him "do you want to come in?" and he said "no, church isn't for me". I wanted to say "then why bother going to the Finnish church if you don't like church?" When I saw him change the house around it brought tears to my eyes because of my dad, I miss him allot I miss when he would come spend time with me and come to MHS. I miss going skiing with him, I just miss him in general. When Maiju put him down like that when she was telling Stephanie that Jorma's better for my mom I was surprised so was Dale. Because she said that they always talked nice about him and always told funny stories to Dale about my dad. When I go and buy chocolate God probably tells him "there goes your chocolate queen again" and he probably laughs and says "that's my chocolate queen" :)
I hate when my back gets so tight but when I put a ice bottle behind the tendon it makes it go smaller and it hurts but it opens the blood vessel and it feels so weird after. I wish that I had listened to the the doctor's at MHS because I wouldn't be in this much pain I miss pain management they use to massage the tendons and it helped me allot. I was getting deep tissue massages in March and I wonder if I should start them again the reason why I stopped was because Pam (Stephanie's mom) got in the way. But the only thing is that insurance only pays for so much but at mhs I got the massages every Wednesday. The other day at Shaw's a lady asked me where did I learn how to do that all on my own I said "when I was 13 my parents took me out of public school and they put me at a special school for disabled people and they taught us more than public school ever could". Ellen my therapist even sent a girl there her mom was looking for a different school because she wasn't learning anything good in public school. MHS was the best school, I learned allot there and I miss it. The only thing is that now half the people I use to talk to they don't talk to me. I had a friend Liz but the real time we really talked was in 2008 at camp, after that we went our own ways. She's on my face book but when I go and say "hi" to her she never responds and it's to bad. But I've got Dawn and she's always texting, or leaving me comments and we both have the same disabilities so that makes it allot easier. When we are together we are triple trouble the things we use to bad things. Summer 2007 my mom went to Finland so my friend Jenny came up and we went to the bar and then we had a party and we drank.
On Saturday I am going with Stephanie and her friends to Kimball's in Jaffery New Hampshire and it's a bunch of different churches and bands and allot of fun too :). Janet my friend from church her brother goes to my church Horizon and once I dropped my water bottle on the floor and he picked it up. I am going to talk with him on Saturday and I'm going to ask him if after church on Sunday would he like to get some pizza for lunch with me? I know that on Saturday my dad will be watching me and probably come in my dream on Saturday night. With a huge smirk to his face, I've wanted a born again Christian boyfriend for the longest time and now I'm probably going to get one and I know that when I am alone with him Stephanie is going to talk to God. I am excited to go there and get out of this house, I won't be back until 12am. But that's okay I stay up that late any way, I know when my mom puts me in bed I'm probably going to pass out. But I won't be stuck in Fitchburg it gets so boring here. Besides my mom is going to my aunts and uncles on Saturday anyway my aunt came back from Finland (that's where my family is from) and she brought back some Finnish bread that they want to try. I love the Finnish fair that they have end of September because they have Finnish chocolate that I love and it's my favorite it's rich. When I go back to the park where my mom sells her Finnish coffee bread it brings back the memories of when my dad was alive. I am sure that he would be pretty proud of me, of all the things that I still do even though I am this disabled.
I am so tired right now, I wish that I could get the hospital bed it would make my life so much easier but my mom doesn't want to get it. Today when I went to Stephanie's moms house she has a boy there my age and his friend came over and he's so smart and he's in a day program he graduated from college. I was telling Stephanie that in 2004 my mom and sisters tired to put me at seven hills day program but I wasn't going to learn anything there only sit there and do nothing. I know people from MHS who are in day programs and they are so smart but instead they sit there and waste away their days, December 2007 when I got lost in Florida when they found me Miia came out and talked with me and she said "you're going into a day program". They never put me in one thank GOD, I wouldn't want to be in one they get so boring I don't mind helping out in one but sitting in one all day that would get boring. Tomorrow I go see Ellen and she's looking to getting me a job at a group home and I would help them I want to get the iPhone and my mom won't put me on her plan so I am looking into Avon and that so that I can get that phone, my ipod is small and I could drop it. The reason why I went to metro to have my own plan so that my mom didn't need to pay for my bill and she got mad at me when I got the phone I though that she would be happy but whatever I'm just trying to be independent. Tomorrow night I will go to barns and noble and finish my book and look around and that makes me forget that I am disabled too :)
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