Friday's post

I'm going to barns and noble tonight, I will take my book, my note book. I like going there to forget about my problems, I love going there it helps me forget that I'm disabled too. I go shopping around there too, it's nice to get out of the house. I get bored of always doing my quotes and bible verses since my mom doesn't interact with me. When I get home Lacy goes nuts and I love her, yesterday when I went to walmart, I bought her a new toy and bones and she loves her new toy and bones. It's cute how she runs around the house with it and her tail wags and she's so cute when she first came to me she was ugly but now she's so cute if her ears were any bigger and her tail was a little bigger she could fly! I am so glad that I asked for a friend I know when my mom picks me up Jorma won't drive because he won't forgive me and he acts like a child I know that he doesn't like when I go sit outside with him and my mom, he wants all her time to himself but he doesn't mind sharing her with my sisters or my aunt. When I go out, I also forget about him too and my other problems it's just God and I. Dale use to go there but now she's busy with her other work and Mary it's sad when I let a pca go they get their own lives.

Today I'm meeting with Ellen and Ann and I'm hoping that Ann can get me out of here and I am hoping that she can get me helping at a group home at nights. I need something else to do than sitting here every night doing the same thing, and it would be helpful for Alycia and the other clients as well. I would get the heck out of here and away from here and I want to help them out and make me feel better about myself. I don't like how my mom knows about Ellen because in the past Maiju has called her and told her about me and then I quit going to her in May 2008 and that's when I fully got off my anti depressants and I know my family didn't like that. They want me to be quiet and not do anything but I'm a very active person and I like to go out and have fun and I don't let my disabilities stop me. I like to encourage other disabled people to do as much as they can for themselves and not to depend on others, it's important.

I went to Ellen's and Ann wasn't able to make it, but Ann is going to look for a Christian family. I wish there was love here but there's not, my mom really didn't want me to go see Dawn next week so I'm not going. I cannot wait to move out of here and get away from here, I'm burnt out. I went to barns and noble tonight and I saw Dale and I got talking with her and I was telling her that I'm going to move out. I was telling her that Jorma gives me these looks and she said to ask him "why do you give me the looks?" when I moved back here for good June 2009 Jorma didn't talk to me and he really reminds me of a child because he treats me different than my sisters and I wouldn't do that to him. I was also telling Dale, that Maiju brought up my past to Stephanie and that I hope that when I move out that Maiju doesn't bring up my past to my new family, I want a fresh new start and they don't need to know my past.

I was telling Ellen that I want to work at a group home and help them out, so she said that she's going to talk with Ann my dds worker and get me a part time job. I am not needed here and half the time I am bored here, if I worked from 5-8. I am hoping that I can move out of here soon too. Right now my mom is watching tv once again. But it helps when I go out, it makes my nights go by quicker. I know that Jorma doesn't like me spending time with my mom he wants her all to himself and that's fine he'll get her all to himself soon. I showed Dale the song by Hawk Nelson "everything you ever wanted". I told her that the last day that I'm here I'm going to leave it some where along with her letter, I don't care if my sisters read the letter I will ignore their text messages and if Maiju the blabber mouth that she is calls my new family I will tell them that's my past and I want to move on and forget about my past just like Jesus forgets about our past and he forgives us unlike humans.