The pictures are of my friend Sammy and I went I went to see her yesterday :)
I get to get away from Mr.Moody today, I am going to the library then to barns and noble tonight. I need to forget about my problems between Stephanie, my mom, and Jorma. I am really happy to be going out today and away from here there is nothing to do here and if I stay here then I get bored. My mom wants to clean and Jorma's probably going to work on the house, I do feel bad leaving Lacy here but I can't stay here. I wish that Jorma would be a grown up and forgive me and when he closed the fridge on me a month ago that was very childish because I wouldn't do that to him. He said "I was just trying to make you more independent" I said "yes, I know but you saw me coming and you could have left it open" and ever since then he really doesn't look at me if he does it's a rude look and I'm just sick of him and I'm hoping that dds can find me a better place soon. I am 28 years old and all my friends from MHS they're not living at home so why should I still live here? I'm bored half the time and now I need to find a new pca because Stephanie is going to get another job because I want to work at seven hills day program twice a week for 4 hours.
I like helping at a day program it makes me feel better about myself and makes me forget that I'm disabled. I like to encourage the clients there to do as much as they can. It gets boring here every day do the same thing, and I need to live too. I am going to sign up to become a social worker to stop disabled people going to public school. Ellen yesterday told me that a few years ago she had a young lady who was 14 and she told her mom to send her to MHS. MHS taught me allot of good things, I can go out myself and do allot without my moms help and I don't need her every second but her company at nights or even taking me to target by herself would be nice but Jorma always needs to come with us. I like helping other disabled people out too, it makes me feel better about myself and it helps me to forget about my disabilities. I have 3 disabilities and being with someone all the time it gets stressful I miss when I could do more but I can't. But I can read, do puzzles, think for myself, go out myself and do all these things and that's what I would want to help others to have confidence in themselves so that they wouldn't always need to depend on others for help but to help themselves and to enjoy life and if they see me doing it than they can also.
I went out all day, I went to the library and did puzzles and than came home. When I came home Lacy went nuts she was so happy to see me her tail was wagging and she loves it when I come home. Tomorrow after church when I come home her tail will go nuts it makes me feel important to her, my mom is busy with her life and right now she's reading when she could be spending time with me. But I really need to move out I'm sick of Jorma's mood swings. It's kind of like he has his period when it comes to me one day he's really nice with me then the next day he's not. But when I went out today and I forgot that I was disabled, I wish that cross roads would want me back but they want me there with someone and I don't need someone with me all the time, I go to barns and noble and every where myself so I don't know why they want me to be with someone all the time. I guess that was their way of kicking me out and Jay the main usher doesn't ask about me no one really does there and it's kind of sad because I'm human just as well as they are so would they like to be treated differently?
Tomorrow when I go to church I am going to ask around if someone who is looking for a job, I don't want these young girls anymore they have too much drama for me to handle and I go through enough as is it. Also there is two guys who sit right infront of me at church and Janet Stephanie's and I friend one of them is her brother. Tonight I saw Janet at barns and noble and she said that her brother is a good guy so tomorrow I'm going to go up to him after church and introduce myself. Chris wasn't into God he wanted to have sex and I don't and I don't want to do anything sexual I use too but I don't want too anymore, you don't get anything out of it unless you're married. I really don't want to follow in my moms foot steps. Before Suvi got married Brad and Suvi were living together and Pastor Phil at the Lutheran church wouldn't marry them so that was a good thing. I want a guy who will take me out on Saturday or Friday nights or even sit in my room and hang out but I don't want anything sexual anymore I am hoping that on Monday seven hills will call me back and I could go help out at their day program, I would like to do it on Monday's, Tuesday's, and Thursdays from 10-2 I miss helping out other disabled people it made me feel better about myself :)
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