I wish that I lived closer to the book store, my mom wants to come at 7 to pick me up but when she does than I get bored. I can't always stay in the house and if I come home at 7 than I'll get bored there isn't anything to do around here except for sit around but other than that I'm bored. As I've said before my mom just sits in the living room watches her show's then when the phone rings she talks on that. I'm trying to live but it's very hard too live, even when Jorma's here my mom doesn't like coming to get me at 8 but I can't always be in my house there is nothing to do here except for the quotes and bible verses she doesn't want to hang those up either. I spend way to much alone in my room alone and my mom tells me that the reason why she doesn't want to come hang out with me is because she'd fall asleep. I wish that I could have my tv in my room but I am limited to how many channels I get. I need to find friends who will hang out with me on Friday nights, Dawn lives an hour away and I've said before my two sisters who live close to me they really don't hang out with me they only come stop by to see my mom. Suvi comes here on her lunch breaks and that's it, she's busy with Brad and her sister in law Kelly. It gets very frustrating living here I can't always do my quotes and bible verses every night with no human interaction.
Suvi has been married for a year on October 9th and I'll never forget that day, it was the hardest day for me. I saw all my sisters there with their husbands and I was dating Chris then. When Suvi and Brad came in the door I got quiet and I didn't eat or anything I went to call Chris and he helped me. I want a good boyfriend who lives close to me, who could take me out on a Friday night. I hate the fact that all my sisters are married and I'm not. I miss dating and living, I am 28 years old I've been single since January 2011 it gets boring. I miss having someone to say "I love you" at nights and who can help me when I'm feeling down or when my spasms are bad. Suvi is so focused on Brad and it gets pretty frustrating being me, between the pain & spasms and every thing else I go through during my days. If it wasn't for my dad I would have given up already and I am so thankful that I had him, even though Maiju put him down.
This afternoon center for living and working called me and they said "we need to come check your time sheets" so I called back and the lady said "your dds worker called us and was wondering if we could give you more pca hours" after I called Ann and said that she's going to meet with me on October 24th at 12 and I am so happy. I need more human interaction and my mom really doesn't like me going out myself. But Ann was saying that I should try to live on my own again I said "the only problem would be my family because in 2008 they all thought that I tried to kill myself and that one minute I knew I was in my apartment and the next minute I knew I was in the hospital and I had people sit in my room and they sent me to a day program where people hear voices". The doctor told me that I herd voices and I said "I hear the voice of God" and the doctor said that he wasn't real. I really want to move out again on my own I don't like living here, my mom watches her shows and does her own thing, She also doesn't like how I go out on Friday nights but I need too every other night I'm stuck here and doing the same thing every night and I can't do that every night I like going out and seeing my friends and sometimes I see Dale it's good for me to move out of here and not always be stuck here. Ann is also going to work on getting my job back at the arc, in February Steph is going for this cna class and then I'll know she'll find another job and I am not sitting in the house doing nothing.
This guy at Shaw's invited me to his church on Sunday and he's really nice, when I told my mom she didn't like the idea she said "then I have to drive". But I really want to go there, he's a born again Christian too and I really want to go. I want a Christian boyfriend and this could be the right guy for me and no more guy searching. It helps to have a boyfriend all my other sisters are married and I want a nice Christian guy too. Suvi has been married for a year now and Miia and Maiju they've been married too and I really need to start living and it would only be once a week and I am hoping that Ann can convince my insurance to get me more pca hours too so that I can stay out late on Friday nights I get bored here and I am 28 and I need to live and I can't do the same thing every night while my mom lays in the living room and watches her TV shows. When Kristen came to change my catheter she told her "she goes to bed so late, and I'm so tired" but she watches her shows until 11 so I'm not the only one who stays up late then she goes upstairs and watches the Finnish news. I really hope that I can convince her to bring me to the other church, the guy who invited me he might be the right guy for me and I've been asking God for a boyfriend for the longest time and I really want one too. I need to feel human too and I miss having a boyfriend and I really hope that she'll bring me there and the guy is cute too. Steph's boyfriend Chad asked Matt if he believed in God? and he said "no". I don't want to be with someone who doesn't believe in God, I want someone close to me too and who could take me out too
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