I need prayer

I am hoping it will work out that Dawn can sleep over tomorrow night, I was telling my mom that she might sleep over and my mom said "you two better not bang up the new kitchen with your wheelchairs". I need to live too, I can't always be stuck here alone every night and I know my mom would like me to sit in my room every night alone but I can't do the same thing every night alone. Dawn also doesn't like to sleep over when Jorma's here because when he's here he walks around in his boxers and he really doesn't care and that's too bad. It creeps Dawn out when Jorma walks around in his boxers he has no respect for her either and I am sure she'll be happy that he won't be here my mom walks around in her short night gown and it creeps us out. Next week when Jorma comes back I will need to shut the door a little because I don't want to see him half naked and Dawn is legally blind so she can't see that much so she's lucky but she knows that he walks around in his boxers with no shirt on. I am excited to hang out & my town will need allot of prayer. At least we're not as bad as we use to be, we've grown up Dawn has a guide dog and his name is Marius and we go to church together. We have so much fun together and we are better now and we use to drink and everything but we're done with all that. Drinking and swearing isn't our thing anymore it doesn't get you anywhere I remember when I was 21 I went to get drunk with my old pca Jenny and the next day I thought "what the heck did I do?". I wish my mom would see how much I've grown but she doesn't believe me how much I've drank she doesn't want to get to know the real me she only knows the disabled part of me.

This morning when Steph was getting me out of bed she was telling me that I have bruises all over my arms from transferring, my mom doesn't want to use the hoyer and it hurts when I transfer. It takes allot of me and when my mom complains about the showers she doesn't realize how much it takes out of me. I know why she's giving me all this attitude she misses Jorma and when he's not here she's lost with out him and they need each other every second. I need my own space and I couldn't always be with someone all the time I don't know how them two do it but oh well it's their lives if they want to live in sin and sleep in the same bed and do all these things then it's up to them. One more week until Jorma comes back and then it will go back to being the same thing and I will feel so uncomfortable being here with him but I am hoping that I can move out and leave them two behind. I really need to move out and move on, at nights my mom watches her shows and doesn't interact with me and when I have a seizure or spasm she doesn't come in and check on me she's so busy with her life. I don't like the spasms or seizure's they both take allot of me. If I drop something she doesn't like to pick it up and she would rather talk on the phone and do her own thing. I have these side supports on my back rest to keep me sitting up straight and they don't swing away and when I am getting in and out of bed I hurt myself and it takes allot out of me. When Jorma comes back here next Friday my mom will want to hurry up and put me in bed because they haven't seen each other in a month they'll do something in bed. When I transfer into bed and out and into the shower it hurts my back and when I move out I am going to use to the hoyer lift and no more slide board transfers. I can always feel my shoulder twist, I try to make it easier on my mom but she doesn't want to take the chances of having it easy she only wants it the hard way, but oh well it's her life.

 Tomorrow is going to rain and thunder so Dawn can't come until Saturday but I will be fine, I wish my mom would interact with me more. Once I was going to watch tv with her and she said "what do you need?" all I wanted to spend time with her so I don't bother going out there anymore because I know she really doesn't want me out there any way so I just stay in my room and that's not fun but she's busy with her life. Next Friday I have to get my baclofen pump filled and Steph can't make it because she has a wedding to go to and I know my mom won't bring me so I will need to take a bus and I am hoping that this time I don't get hurt, the last time that I took one in April we were coming back from umass and the driver didn't buckle the back of me and he slammed on the breaks and I am so thankful that there was a front seat in front of me because if the seat wasn't there I would have gotten hurt badly. Next week Jorma comes back and then it will be uncomfortable around here again and I'm not sure that I am ready for him. I wish my sisters would listen to me when I say he's not that nice as he puts himself out there to be but they wouldn't believe me and they never will even if I told them so many times. I hate when it rains because my spasms and the pain gets worse and it gets frustrating being me and I wish that I could go to my mom and talk to her about what is bugging me but she tells me that I'm complain but I'm not I'm just telling her what I am feeling but she doesn't want to listen to me she will only listen to my sisters. I'm frustrated with my seizure's, pain and spasms all 3 of those get very stressful especially the seizure's because I never know when they are going to happen and when they do happen I get a really bad taste in my mouth and it's a odd feeling too when they happen and I hate when they happen and my mom doesn't think I have any but she doesn't spend anytime with me she's so busy with her life. I wish that I was more important to her and I know that she loves me but I wish that she would interact with me a little more.

I want to work at the cancer center and a day program, it will keep me busy. I really would like to work at the cancer center to help others and especially if someone says "I can't handle this colostomy" I can go over to them and say "I'm 28 and I've been dealing with it since 2004 and it saved my life and yes it is hard to accept but if you get an animal first then it will be better". I also want to go work at the arc the other day when I went to visit them they all yelled "Minna's back" it made me feel wanted and needed. When I'm here the only thing that needs me is Lacy but my mom is so busy watching her shows and I know when Jorma comes back then on Saturday nights they watch the Finnish news. This Sunday I am hoping that the pastor had found me a new pca, to take me to church. I know when winter comes my mom and Jorma really won't want too. I know my mom doesn't mind but it's more Jorma who does mind, he doesn't like going to church. Since he's been gone my mom's gone to church twice and I am guessing that she'll go this Sunday. Jorma doesn't believe in God either does Brad and the bible even says "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14". Last Christmas Brad didn't want to go to church because he knee hurt and I said "I'm in more pain than you are and I go to church and that shouldn't stop you" but it's my mom and Suvi's lives if they want to live that way they can. Dave he is a Christian and he wants better for his life and I can help him because he helped me when my dad died so I will do the same for him. Tomorrow I will call Ann my dds worker and ask her if she was able to talk to the people from the arc so that I can have my job back.