I really want a boyfriend

I really hope that I can get the hospital bed, this bed isn't comfortable anymore. I always need help repositioning myself and I know my mom gets annoyed when I yell for her. Last night she said "I just fell asleep" and I wish that dds can get me out of here soon, I can't live here anymore. Yesterday when my mom went with Maiju to her appointment I wanted to say "why can you go with her but in July when I was in the hospital you didn't come visit me?" Steph didn't even understand that either. She can be involved with everyone else but when it comes to me she just sits out in the living room and I wish I could have this blog unlocked but my family they are busy bodies and would read it. It gets annoying my mom and I relationship is getting worse she really doesn't talk with me last night I went to take a picture of Lacy and she asked me "what do you need?" that's why I don't bother going to talk or watch tv with her.

Today the nurse from the pca company is coming and I am hoping that she'll increase the hours, I need someone here at nights with me. I can't always sit here alone every night, and if I can hire someone for Saturday & Sunday. So Steph can have the weekends off, I know when Jorma comes back they won't like bringing me to church, Jorma doesn't like church and if someone invited him he would say "church isn't for me". Last December when I went to this boiler room prayer and someone invited him in and he said "church isn't for me". He's been gone for two weeks and I know my mom misses him she can't really do much with out him she depends way to much on him. I want the nurse to increase my hours so that I can have fun on weekends and do different things and have a life. When Steph doesn't work on weekends my weekends are so long. Jorma doesn't like when I go shopping with them he wants my mom all to himself and it's sad too. I really want to find a good pca who will take me out for friendship too and have fun with me, when Dale worked with me she would stay late just out of friendship. In August Steph took me to the fire works just out of friendship and if I can find a pca like that I will love it and start living just like all my sisters and my mom they live and I am 28 and I need to start living too.

The nurse couldn't give me more pca hours, I asked Steph if she wanted to get a condo and she said that Chad and her are planning to get married in two years. I am going to ask Ann my dds worker if she can please get me into shared living, I don't want to live here anymore. My mom doesn't interact with me at nights and I can do the same thing every night. She doesn't believe in me either, and that hurts. I need to go to a place where someone will want to do things with me. Suvi is still in "honey moon stage" she's been married for a year now, Maiju she's a busy body she's into everyone's lives and gossiping about people 3 years ago she told my former pca Jenny that I was in the hospital because they taught that I over dossed and I know that my family will never trust me living on my own again. The doctor told me that I hear voices and all this other junk and when I was in the hospital everyone found out, I need to move out and move on with my life and leave the past behind here.

I really want a boyfriend I want one who could take me out, I was telling Steph that I would want them to leave my chair at home. She said "I didn't know that you could do that" so on Saturday she's going to come here and we're going out but we are going to leave my wheelchair behind. It will be nice to forget about my wheelchair, I am in allot and getting out of it to get in my bed during the days that's not easy so I am hoping to get the hospital bed. But I really want to find a good guy who would take me out and I need to start living it's really odd being around my sisters how they're all married and I'm not. I could have been married to Bryan but I didn't want to be he was to immature to even talk too and I am not even sure what I even saw in him but I guess in life you need to date a few wrong ones to find the right one. Chris was nice at first and I thought he really loved me but I guess not, and he won't even give me a reason why he broke up with me. But oh well it's his loss if he doesn't want to be a 28 year old then he can act like a child.

"Gone"
TobyMac
I told the girl that you should treat her like a lady and
She told me all the things you did and it was shady, man
She said that what you say and what you do are different things
While you were telling me that you were checking out them blingy rings

She said she's had enough
Well, it sounds to me like you're straight out of luck
And she said she's all through
And life's not blowin' her kisses thanks to you

I wanna know, wanna know what you were thinkin'
I can't imagine why it didn't even sink in
They say you never know what you got till it's gone
(Never know what you got till it's gone)
I wanna know, wanna know what you were thinkin'
I can't imagine why it didn't even sink in
They say you never know what you got till it's gone
(Never know what you got till it's gone)

She said she's had enough
So, it sounds to me like your still out of love
And she said you weren't true
And life's not blowin' her kisses thanks to you

She said it's gonna be alright
Cause God made a way through the pain and he opened her eyes
And she said you came crawling back
But after what you did to her she wouldn't have any of that