pictures :)

Tonight I am going to barns and noble, I am first going to Kimballs with Stephanie and her family then to barns and noble tonight. I don't like being here there is so much tension and when I was baby sitting the girls last night Jorma gave me a look when I was texting Stephanie. It will be nice to be out for the whole day and get out of here, I wish my mom wanted to do things with me. But Jorma doesn't want her to spend time with me and it makes me sad, the other day when I invited her to sit outside with me and she didn't that hurt me, she would do it for everyone else but me. I wouldn't do that to her, she's no longer happy with me and it gets frustrating she no longer smiles or laughs with me and if she would it make my life easier. I can't go to her and tell her how frustrated I am because she says that's complaining and when Nancy our family friend said that I should stop complaining I wanted to say "so everyone else can go to her but when it comes to me I can't?" but oh well I have, Dawn, Kayley, Stephanie, Becca, Natilee, who will listen to me. I didn't end up going to Kimballs we went to a birthday party and that was fun I got out of the house.


I really want a good Christian guy who will look past my wheelchair, past my disabilities and who will want to spend time with me. When I see my sisters with their husbands I want to be them and when I see my mom and Jorma I wish I had a boyfriend. I don't want someone who lives far away, I know this kid Anothy wants to date me but we have nothing in common I never hung out with him at MHS, I want a boyfriend who will go to church with me and do things after church. Last Sunday when I was at Maiju's and I saw Suvi and Brad together it brought tears to my eyes. When I see them two together it makes me sad because I always thought that I would be the first one to be married before Suvi. As I said in the past her wedding was the hardest thing for me. I had Chris and when I felt like nothing I called him and he said "I love you for you", I am not sure why that happened that all of sudden he stopped loving me. Chris really helped me and I wish that he would explain to me why did he suddenly break up with me that would be nice but he won't. I wrote him an email last week and he won't respond to that and I wish that he would but oh well it's his loss.

I went to barns and noble and I read 60 pages in my book the sister hood of the traveling pants, I'll probably be done tomorrow. I will go to church just because I don't want to turn out like my mom or sister Suvi. So I will go, my friend Dara is going to ask if her church if someone would want to do it out of friendship or would they like to be my pca, either way is fine. I miss the alter calls, I do like the music though anything is better than the Lutheran and if only my sisters would try it for one Sunday but they are so caught up in religon, I felt bad for my nephew Christian how he had to go through all these classes just to take communion when I went to his confirmation I couldn't take communion because I never took the classes. I wanted to say "where does that say it in the bible that you need to take all these confirmation classes to take communion?". I am so glad that I'm no longer a Lutheran they have no life to them. But when I was at barns and noble I read 60 pages I can read between 60 and 100 pages, the other night I read 100 pages and it's amazing how I can read that many pages. When I was at FHS and they put my reading level as 5th grader they knew nothing about me just like my whole family how they know nothing about me either.