I need prayer

My back is so sore right now, I miss when I could roll myself. When I was at MHS I use to be able to do allot more for myself but when I went into public school they took away pt they said it wasn't important. I got weaker and by the end of the year I was ful time pca and when I started at FHS I was part time. They kept teaching me the basics such as easy math and all this other junk. That whole year was a waste of my time and I wish that I never went there, Suvi was there and she was in the "cool" group where they drank and partied at nights. Now Suvi only comes here on her breaks and that's it and she doesn't spend time with me at all, she got made when I fired her but she used me to pay for her wedding. When I found out she was getting married it upset me because I wouldn't have done that to her and when I found that out it hurt me allot, I wish I could put her in my shoe's as well as my other sisters to show them what it's like to be disabled. that's what I am writing in my book right now, what it's like to be disabled and have all your sisters be married.
Where does the time go? July flew by, it seems like the weeks do to. It's crazy how it's almost August first I knew I was dating Chris and I still had Siira. Siira went to go visit Florida in January and after that she wanted to move back there. Also in January Chris broke up with me, I kind of miss him. I am hoping that God will have a boyfriend for me before Christmas a real Christian who doesn't drink, or swear. I stopped drinking when I became born again 3 years ago, I like the born again churches better than the Lutheran they are more upbeat. Every one is more cheerful and more fun, my mom she doesn't really laugh with me. I can't believe that it's been 3 years that I've become a born again Christian, when I go to the Christmas Eve Service's at the Lutheran it's kind of like "I'll just take a nap now". I also can't believe that it's been 7 years that I got my colostomy and Lacy will turn 7 on February 25th and my colostomy will turn 7 on November 2nd. Imagine one minute your in bed and then the next minute you're in the hospital and you don't know what the heck happened. But God kept me alive and he's kept me alive through so many things and I am so grateful for having him in my life, I don't want to know where I would be without him. Probably still drinking and swearing and not going to church and probably taking anti depressants and not depending on God and Lacy.
I really hope that I can move out of here soon I wish my mom would interact with me but she doesn't and probably never will. I know that when I am all settled at my new home my mom and Jorma are going to move to Florida. That's why Lacy needs to come with me because she'd probably end up back in an animal shelter and that wouldn't be fair, I've had her since she was a baby. I know Maiju my oldest sister wants my mom to put me in nursing home just to get rid of me and out of their lives so they can forget about me but when I move out they ptobably will forget about me. I know that Maiju and the kids won't come visit me, Maiju had me baby sit Hailey and Ella and when they picked them up Bret their dad didn't even say "hi" to me, he just looked at me. He's made fun of my tatoo before he told me the reason why I have 3:16 because I don't know the time and I need it written on my arm.
I've asked my friend Dara to ask someone from her church that was like cross roads if there would be anyone who could take me there on Sunday's, horizon is kind of slow and they don't have alter calls. At cross roads Pastor Bryan would say "if you're dealing with this come down to the alter", I also liked how at cross roads you could go down to the alter and worship and that's what I miss there. But one good thing at horizon they have this once a month worship service and I am hoping and praying that it is this Monday night and I like it. They play all my favorite songs and I can feel the holy spirit there too so that's also a good thing as well. I like the born again worship services and I never thought that I would like worship music until I went there and now I love it. I have allot of good music on my ipod and my phone, I will listen to my ipod when I am around the house but when I am out I will listen to my phone it has a mp3 player.